How to find fellow introverts

[Anonymous]

No answers but I'm in the same boat OP. I've been in the area over 10 years and have no close friends here. I've tried taking classes and doing activities but I've found these don't last long enough for me to develop a relationship with someone and they take time I don't really have. I try to get together with close friends from college every year or so but it gets lonely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do introverts only need to hang out with other introverts?

Because extroverts often start out doing small or one-on-one type get togethers, but they quickly long for crowds and loud excitement which is too overstimulating for quiet introverts. Size matters

not true. I am an extrovert who loves chilling one on one with an introverted friend from to time too. I have different friends for different things.

[Anonymous]

I'm slightly introverted. I have a suggested activity, not just for you but for single men and women I see in this forum trying to meet quality people.

Before I was married, I participated in the Smithsonian Resident Associates program, which has quite a few in-person activities in the DC area throughout the year. The participants don't seem to be loud partiers, are quite thoughtful, and good at conversation. Many of the activities are genuinely interesting, which helps.

Turns out I didn't meet my wife there, but I met and dated several other quiet quality women.

I think it is just called Smithsonian Associates now. You can find it with a search.

[Anonymous]

I'm an extrovert who prefers to do the big group things on weekend nights but I'm happy to do one-on-one or small group lunches and dinners at other times. (though it helps if the friend is ok with my daughter coming along, since I have primary custody and limited babysitter money.)

[Anonymous]

OP here, thanks for your suggestions. I do book clubs and volunteering but had a break in between, and now with DC in elementary school I can do more of these now.
But yes, nothing has moved on to ongoing friendship but will keep trying because I really like these activities. Movies and walking also seem to be great suggestions. I am in northern Fairfax county so any recommended activities in this area will be helpful.

I definitely agree majority of people tend to prefer larger groups, a party or group event is welcomed and sincerely attended, but individual get together invites are usually ignored or worse turned down in the last minute.
I understand the extroverts on this thread who say they do one on one, but that is probably people you are already close with. My dilemma is to get that close to people who share common interests to begin with. And I also feel that if a spouse or kids are extroverts even an introvert will go along the flow with them, hence the pool , so to speak, is small given an already very busy life.

And to be honest I am intimidated to hear people talk about their extroverted life, their lots and lots of friends references, group vacations with various families, how they make x new friends every year, parties and the facebook photos. I just feel these folks cannot sustain a private friendship with me for long. Activity/interests based might work to overcome all these differences, will keep trying...

[Anonymous]

I am in the same boat, OP. I've lived in this area (Alexandria) for 3 years and haven't made a single friend. I have one toddler. It's incredibly lonely.

No answers, just commiseration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find your post off putting. You assume your more extroverted friends are not capable of these deeper conversations? Have you invited one of your friends for coffee and conversation?

You don't have to be an introvert to enjoy good conversation.

Don't take it personally. An extrovert will never "get" an introvert.

+1 My experience has been that extroverts tend to pity introverts. It's because they simply cannot comprehend preferring quiet and simplicity.

[Anonymous]

I don't know that extroverts pity introverts unless they also happen to be assholes. (the extroverts.) They just don't necessarily understand them. That can be a two-way street - I'm not sure introverts always understand why extroverts need to go out all the time.

I'm kind of a mix. I am extroverted enough that I need at least weekly social contact with my large group of friends. But I'm introverted enough that I'm perfectly happy doing things alone most of the time. A lot of my extroverted friends are out constantly and never seem to spend any time by themselves. For me, THAT would be hell, though I do need my night out every weekend.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes I feel like this, but then realize that what I really want is my mother back (she has severe dementia). The problem is, while there are many people in my life who need and value the emotional support I give them, most people need me to be strong, and so really can not bear to hear my problems. I just try to accept that there will never be anybody in my life again who loved me the way my mom loved me when I was a small child. I need to give the love now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do introverts only need to hang out with other introverts?

As an introvert this is what I am wondering too. Why seek introverts specifically? And as an introvert, do you really think introverts will reach out and respond? As an introvert, you should know that small talk with complete strangers would be definition of hell for most of us. Agree with book club recommendation or reaching out to friends intro/extroverts alike and the 1:1 suggestion

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do introverts only need to hang out with other introverts?

As an introvert this is what I am wondering too. Why seek introverts specifically? And as an introvert, do you really think introverts will reach out and respond? As an introvert, you should know that small talk with complete strangers would be definition of hell for most of us. Agree with book club recommendation or reaching out to friends intro/extroverts alike and the 1:1 suggestion

I think people are confused about what "introvert" means. Being introverted doesn't mean you are shy. Those are two very different things. Sometimes they both occur together, sometimes not.

I'm DEFINITELY an introvert, but I'm not shy. And I don't consider small talk with complete strangers hell. I'm perfectly capable of meeting and talking to people.

Having social anxiety isn't a default characteristic of introverts. I think often people who want to be extraverts think they are introverts because they have social anxiety. Treat the social anxiety, and they prefer to do more extraverted activities. So that tells me they aren't really introverts.

[Anonymous]

For all those introverts who just can't compromise their comfort level enough to get out and be a part of the world with everyone else I have great news...you have a friend...

Liquor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For all those introverts who just can't compromise their comfort level enough to get out and be a part of the world with everyone else I have great news...you have a friend...

Liquor.

especially when shared with another You'll have all kinds of deep conversations.

[Anonymous]

I have yet to come across an introvert able to remain stubbornly unengaged with others even after integrating some liquor into their social camaraderie.

I don't care how hell-bent someone is on maintaining seclusion and ensuring isolation, after a few beers, a few shots, or a few glasses have kicked in they will be talking to anyone and everyone with the ease of a social butterfly so don't fret about finding fellow introverts - just find an establishment that serves alcohol and everything will be okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have yet to come across an introvert able to remain stubbornly unengaged with others even after integrating some liquor into their social camaraderie.

I don't care how hell-bent someone is on maintaining seclusion and ensuring isolation, after a few beers, a few shots, or a few glasses have kicked in they will be talking to anyone and everyone with the ease of a social butterfly so don't fret about finding fellow introverts - just find an establishment that serves alcohol and everything will be okay.

Or they'll fall asleep.