Did you ever break up with your spouse while dating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I did. 20 years later, I am thinking we should have taken our troubles as a sign and not gotten married. So much more complicated with children and all your finances tied together.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DW dumped me about 4 months into the relationship. It turned out another guy was pursuing her, and she wanted to investigate. After two weeks, we got back together, and no looking back.

You were second choice. You took her back?
Any self esteem?

[Anonymous]

DW and I did when we were 22 because she was graduating from college and wasn't ready to commit. It was kind of a fake breakup because we kept in touch and got back together a few months later. No regrets.

[Anonymous]

Yes, though we met in our late teens. Took a break at least twice in college. Now happily married for ten years. Probably doesn't help your situation but breaking up doesn't always be discarding. Sometimes it's just a chance to contemplate and grow.

[Anonymous]

^^mean

[Anonymous]

Never. DH was amazing from day 1 and we really fought for each other. I have many friends who go around and around with their boyfriends with breaking up, fighting and getting back together. I see it more as a sign they don't belong together. DH and I aren't confrontational though.

[Anonymous]

DH and I didn't break up, but after our first two dates, I decided we weren't a match, and he agreed (or at least pretended to in order to save face).

We had mutual friends, and about 6 months later we started getting to know each other from spending time together with the rest of the group. We became friends, then things progressed from there.

It actually was not "easy" the first few months. We didn't argue, but he was not one to open up easily, whereas I am an open book, so we really had to learn how to communicate. For whatever reason, we both really wanted it and pushed forward, and put in the work. We learned each other's communication styles, and styles of showing/receiving love.

Ever since then, our relationship has been wonderful and easy as pie.

[Anonymous]

Yes, got back together, got married, got divorced. Never should have gotten back with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DW dumped me about 4 months into the relationship. It turned out another guy was pursuing her, and she wanted to investigate. After two weeks, we got back together, and no looking back.

You were second choice. You took her back?
Any self esteem?

Oh shut up.

[Anonymous]

Yep. DH got kind of mental over the seriousness of our relationship--had never really been in love before--so he had to bail. We mutually broke up for about a month, but then he started calling and calling and sending flowers, etc. It was all so romantic at the time and we got back together and engaged within a couple of months. We've been married 20+ years, but for me the romance/passion went away a looong time ago, unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

Yes, and had I been savvy, I would have realized that the reasons for the breakup (at least the primary one) was a character flaw (dishonesty) that would not change. I did not realize this, continued on and divorced 8 years after getting married. If only I could turn back the clock, but hindsight is 20/20 and I learned A LOT.

I wish there was forum like this back then...b/c I'm certain I would have been told to run for the hills. Nobody told me in real life. I blame myself for the decision, but I was also naive. But like most people say, there is a reason you break up. If it's a deal breaker, make sure it has changed before you consider getting back together (he wasn't willing to commit, you hadn't sorted out religious differences). If, as you say, it's personality issues -- those will not change and prepare to deal with them for years or you better get to counseling. Communication is one I can see being worked out.

[Anonymous]

Dh broke up with me after 3 months of dating. I was stunned, because everything seemed to be going great. waited around for him to come to his senses. finally gave up, moved on. He saw me out with another guy (who was actually just a friend, but a very good looking one) and later said it was like a knife in his heart. Came back to me, begging for another chance. I eventually gave him one, but things were messy for a while as I had just started to see someone else I really liked.

[Anonymous]

With my first husband, yes. Well. I tried to break up with him once but he cried and I felt bad and didn't have the guts to go through with it.

Since we ended up divorced in the end anyway, obviously life would have been a lot better if I just sucked up the pain of breaking up back when we were dating.

Just my story. Not universally applicable.

But if you want broad sweeping strokes - if at least one person has to make significant changes for the relationship to work, then it's not going to work. People are who they are. Assume that what you got from him was what you're always going to get from him - are you okay with that forever?

[Anonymous]

As someone pining over an ex, nice to think that this sometimes does happen.

[Anonymous]

Yes, when he moved abroad and I couldn't bear the thought of yet another long distance relationship. (Would have been my third). Told him to call when he got back if he was still interested...he got back, called, drove straight to my place on his return (luggage still in car).... Moved in 2 months later and never moved out. It's been 10 years, and 2 children.