Did you ever break up with your spouse while dating?

[Anonymous]

Repeatedly. I was a freshman and he was a senior, and I was terribly, hopelessly in love with him. I didn't want to be. I wanted to date a lot of people, be free in college, and have adventures after I graduated. So I kept breaking up with him. The trouble was that we both had it bad, and we couldn't stay away from each other. Finally, we gave up and got married. We've been married 20 years in August 2013.

[Anonymous]

My DH dumped me three months in bc I wanted a commitment. I was crushed bc I loooooovvvved him. But the time apart just got his rear in gear, he came back about three months later wooing the shit out of me and we got married two years later.

[Anonymous]

I dumped him 2 times.We haven't gotten married yet, but are expecting and living together.
I've been married once already and I'm not ready to get married yet, he is.He is marriage material but I need more time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I did. 20 years later, I am thinking we should have taken our troubles as a sign and not gotten married. So much more complicated with children and all your finances tied together.

Same for me. I did break up with him briefly because of his weird behavior after drinking too much on a few occasions. He apologized, said he wouldn't drink so much again, etc etc. we got back on track, no more binge drinking (we were in our 20's so binge drinking was happening all around us with friends at parties).
Here we are 15 years later, 3 kids, mostly a good marriage, he is a good man but the drinking issue is popping up again. Now I realize that I should have trusted my 25 year old gut and had him really sort out his drinking issues then. Much more complicated now.

So think about what you broke up about now. People don't really change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had one almost breakup. I had my sister and a close friend independently tell me something they observed in DH's behavior towards me. I thought about why they would say that and when I reflected I realized that they were right. For all the wonderful qualities of DH, I thought I cannot live with this the next 20 years and it was a deal breaker. I told him directly, I can't ask you to change for me but this isn't something I can't live with, this is a deal breaker. I was prepared to break up and it wasn't an ultimatum.He thought about and and was sort of quiet and asked follow up questions. I won't say it was dramatic improvement overnight but DH became more aware of his interactions with me and tried to improve and I also had to be more up front in letting him know when he was crossing into the behavior especially the first few months after our conversation.

I do agree with both PP poster, that the relationship should feel easy compared to the ones in the past (no reading the tea leaves) and also that relationships take work. The work part comes in with the communication and working through isssues/problems together and both sides finding compromises. Our near breakup and how that was handled was part of what made me think I could marry this guy. How can you get through thru "and for worse times" mentioned in the wedding vows if you don't know how to communicate with each other about difficult things and work to support each other?

This is good advice. I was just dumped by someone I was very serious about. But with a bit of perspective I am realizing that he dumped me rather than trying to work through some issues, which is not a good sign for the long term.

[Anonymous]

Well I married the first guy who punched me after I got in a bar fight with his then gf. I was young at the time 21. We almost both went to jail as it was a good fight. After that I thought gosh this guy is the one for me I need a guy who can punch a girl as I get in a lot of fights. We broke up here and there but chemistry with that perfect someone is what makes us last.