Children stigma

[Anonymous]

The norm around here for professionals is to have kids in their mid thirties or later so yeah, well educated men are surprised if you have a kid. Tell them prior to the first date so they know. Will prevent the deer in headlights look.

[Anonymous]

It's potential deal-breaker info, OP. I'm a single mom as well and I feel your frustration, but pre-kid I dated a guy who didn't disclose that he had a child before our first date and I was pissed. Let people know in advance. Will keep both of you from wasting your time. Besides, anyone who runs after the first date after finding out that you're a mom isn't a keeper (for you) anyway. Best of luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The norm around here for professionals is to have kids in their mid thirties or later so yeah, well educated men are surprised if you have a kid. Tell them prior to the first date so they know. Will prevent the deer in headlights look.

This is not the norm. It's not unusual and it's more common than at many other places, but it's not the norm. Most professionals, even in this area, have thir first child in their early thirties. Stop pretending otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's potential deal-breaker info, OP. I'm a single mom as well and I feel your frustration, but pre-kid I dated a guy who didn't disclose that he had a child before our first date and I was pissed. Let people know in advance. Will keep both of you from wasting your time. Besides, anyone who runs after the first date after finding out that you're a mom isn't a keeper (for you) anyway. Best of luck.

this is exactly the point. OP, it sounds like you have very unrealistic expectations and maybe you need some time to mature a bit to figure, work out the naivete, and figure out how and where you'll find men much more appropriate to date a single mother.

[Anonymous]

I'm a Dad with kids and love them; but if I were single, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want to put all this time and effort into some other guy's kid. So, I understand the reluctance. It's not necessarily anti-kid; but may be anti-someone-else's-kid.

[Anonymous]

Interesting perspectives. Personally, if I liked someone and hit it off that would not be impacted whether or not they had a child. In fact, I feel like men that are "shocked" aren't serious. It takes a real adult to realize that family is a good thing.

[Anonymous]

As a precaution OP, I think you should always be 100% upfront and honest from the get go about having a child. There are two groups of men, those that will date a woman w/a child and those that will not. You don't want to waste your time w/the latter if you already have a child, right? Or his?

I suggest letting a guy know even before you go out on the first date.

After a few dates, it is just mean to drop that on him...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The norm around here for professionals is to have kids in their mid thirties or later so yeah, well educated men are surprised if you have a kid. Tell them prior to the first date so they know. Will prevent the deer in headlights look.

This is not the norm. It's not unusual and it's more common than at many other places, but it's not the norm. Most professionals, even in this area, have thir first child in their early thirties. Stop pretending otherwise.

I totally agree. I work FT and earn around 180k as does my husband. Most of my friends are in the same category. Only 2 people had children starting in their late 30s. I was done at 32. I don't know anyone who had kids prior to 23, but even in my children's upper middle class elementary school the "old" mom scenario is certainly not the majority.

[Anonymous]

Date older men OP. Or military.

[Anonymous]

Miltary crowd is a great pool. I find that military men at any age are not shocked to hear about kids.

[Anonymous]

Are you in DC? Most late 20s/early 30s guys in DC are freaked out by the idea of kids of their own, much less being a step-parent. You are wasting your time if you don't disclose the kid upfront. It should be in your profile if you are online dating. If you don't want to disclose it for privacy or safety reasons, then you should be proactively looking for guys in their late thirties or single fathers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The norm around here for professionals is to have kids in their mid thirties or later so yeah, well educated men are surprised if you have a kid. Tell them prior to the first date so they know. Will prevent the deer in headlights look.

This is not the norm. It's not unusual and it's more common than at many other places, but it's not the norm. Most professionals, even in this area, have thir first child in their early thirties. Stop pretending otherwise.

I totally agree. I work FT and earn around 180k as does my husband. Most of my friends are in the same category. Only 2 people had children starting in their late 30s. I was done at 32. I don't know anyone who had kids prior to 23, but even in my children's upper middle class elementary school the "old" mom scenario is certainly not the majority.

All the moms I know in DC started in their mid 30s. And there is a big difference between having a kid at say 33 and 28 and divorced already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you in DC? Most late 20s/early 30s guys in DC are freaked out by the idea of kids of their own, much less being a step-parent. You are wasting your time if you don't disclose the kid upfront. It should be in your profile if you are online dating. If you don't want to disclose it for privacy or safety reasons, then you should be proactively looking for guys in their late thirties or single fathers.

That is dangerous advice. Putting kids in an online dating profile can attract predators for women.

[Anonymous]

This is a deal breaker for a lot of people. Mention it earlier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you in DC? Most late 20s/early 30s guys in DC are freaked out by the idea of kids of their own, much less being a step-parent. You are wasting your time if you don't disclose the kid upfront. It should be in your profile if you are online dating. If you don't want to disclose it for privacy or safety reasons, then you should be proactively looking for guys in their late thirties or single fathers.

That is dangerous advice. Putting kids in an online dating profile can attract predators for women.

Eh, I'm sure the danger is minimal, and you'd have to be careful to protect your kid from abusers in any event. Keeping it out of your profile is not a surefire way to prevent abuse.