Vacation/Wedding Dilemma

[Anonymous]

I started a new job 3 weeks ago. I recieve 10 days of paid vacation every year.
My plan was to use 3 or 4 days over Christmas, another 5 days in June to visit my fiance's family in NY and 2 days as "just in case" time.
My younger cousin (21) called tonight and asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding in July in Michigan.
I don't want to disappoint her as she doesn't have many friends and she was desperate enough to ask me (I'm 12 years older than her and haven't seen her in 3 years).
I have a few concerns.
1. The NY trip is non-negotiable. I love my fiance's family and have a blast on this trip every year.
2. I don't want to take vacation time so close together-especially with a job I just started.
3. Soooo much money.
4. I am not very close with most of my family members who will be at this wedding (poor life choices, alcoholism, etc.)
5. I would have to spend a chunk of my free-time running around doing wedding stuff.

Do I buy her a killer gift or make it happen? What would you do?

you sound like a grade A jerk, OP. Clearly, you don't feel like doing a kind deed for your cousin. You don't respect her. You don't even like her...(desperate enough to ask you? What a horrible thing to say.)

Definitely decline. Your cousin deserves better than you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I started a new job 3 weeks ago. I recieve 10 days of paid vacation every year.
My plan was to use 3 or 4 days over Christmas, another 5 days in June to visit my fiance's family in NY and 2 days as "just in case" time.
My younger cousin (21) called tonight and asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding in July in Michigan.
I don't want to disappoint her as she doesn't have many friends and she was desperate enough to ask me (I'm 12 years older than her and haven't seen her in 3 years).
I have a few concerns.
1. The NY trip is non-negotiable. I love my fiance's family and have a blast on this trip every year.
2. I don't want to take vacation time so close together-especially with a job I just started.
3. Soooo much money.
4. I am not very close with most of my family members who will be at this wedding (poor life choices, alcoholism, etc.)
5. I would have to spend a chunk of my free-time running around doing wedding stuff.

Do I buy her a killer gift or make it happen? What would you do? [/quote

you sound like a grade A jerk, OP. Clearly, you don't feel like doing a kind deed for your cousin. You don't respect her. You don't even like her...(desperate enough to ask you? What a horrible thing to say.)

Definitely decline. Your cousin deserves better than you.

Is your life such shit that you make ridiculous assumptions about a stranger based on a few sentences?
You know me so well? Go f**k yourself, you pathetic c**t.

[Anonymous]

OP, if I had been in your situation when I was single or childless, I would have tried to make it happen. But now that I have kids, my vacation time and money goes to them, so I would say no.

[Anonymous]

Op, did you cousin serve in or attend your wedding? If so, it's pretty bad to ditch hers just because since you are married with kids you feel you can't sacrifice the time etc.

[Anonymous]

I would say yes. Don't feel obligated to go to other events or take time off work, tell her you can just come to town for the wedding. She's family and it sounds like she could really use a friend.

[Anonymous]

Op, did you cousin serve in or attend your wedding? If so, it's pretty bad to ditch hers just because since you are married with kids you feel you can't sacrifice the time etc.

Did OP mention her kids as a reason she could not attend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I started a new job 3 weeks ago. I recieve 10 days of paid vacation every year.
My plan was to use 3 or 4 days over Christmas, another 5 days in June to visit my fiance's family in NY and 2 days as "just in case" time.
My younger cousin (21) called tonight and asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding in July in Michigan.
I don't want to disappoint her as she doesn't have many friends and she was desperate enough to ask me (I'm 12 years older than her and haven't seen her in 3 years).
I have a few concerns.
1. The NY trip is non-negotiable. I love my fiance's family and have a blast on this trip every year.
2. I don't want to take vacation time so close together-especially with a job I just started.
3. Soooo much money.
4. I am not very close with most of my family members who will be at this wedding (poor life choices, alcoholism, etc.)
5. I would have to spend a chunk of my free-time running around doing wedding stuff.

Do I buy her a killer gift or make it happen? What would you do? [/quote

you sound like a grade A jerk, OP. Clearly, you don't feel like doing a kind deed for your cousin. You don't respect her. You don't even like her...(desperate enough to ask you? What a horrible thing to say.)

Definitely decline. Your cousin deserves better than you.

Is your life such shit that you make ridiculous assumptions about a stranger based on a few sentences?
You know me so well? Go f**k yourself, you pathetic c**t.

Wow, classy, OP. Sounds like this poster struck a nerve.

Listen, you don't need anyone's permission to decline. You obviously don't want to do it, so why ask here what others think? Just say no.

If you are legitimately asking for opinions, while I wouldn't say it as harshly as the PP, I agree with the sentiment. Kindness is always a good idea. IT's not like this cousin has screwed you over or something. She asked you to be in her wedding. That means something. However, you don't see it that way. Quit making excuses and just admit you don't want to do it for your own reasons, not because of your vacation days and blah blah blah. Just decline so your cousin can move on.

[Anonymous]

The wedding is in JULY! It won't be a new job at that point, so that point is moot (as is it being a problem to take one day off in July and 5 in June).

That said, did you go to any of the other cousin's weddings? Did you used to be close? Personally, I'd politely decline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Huh? Is she getting married in the middle of the week? Can't you fly in Friday night and fly out Sunday night?

That's what I was wondering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Huh? Is she getting married in the middle of the week? Can't you fly in Friday night and fly out Sunday night?

That's what I was wondering.

I agree, unless the wedding is not on a weekend, or your new job requires you to work on weekends, vacation days or lack thereof should not prevent you from being in the wedding party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

you sound like a grade A jerk, OP. Clearly, you don't feel like doing a kind deed for your cousin. You don't respect her. You don't even like her...(desperate enough to ask you? What a horrible thing to say.)

Definitely decline. Your cousin deserves better than you.

Is your life such shit that you make ridiculous assumptions about a stranger based on a few sentences?
You know me so well? Go f**k yourself, you pathetic c**t.

Wow OP. The person you're responding to wasn't exactly pleasant, but you didn't do yourself any favors with this response. Ick. I was a pp on your side but you're on your own now.

[Anonymous]

I've been a bridesmaid in a few weddings where I only take one day off. Fly/drive up Friday and drive home sunday. MI isn't that far to drive if you can't afford plane tickets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if I had been in your situation when I was single or childless, I would have tried to make it happen. But now that I have kids, my vacation time and money goes to them, so I would say no.

Let me guess. You are one of the oldest in your family and all of your younger sibs and cousins attend end your graduation, wedding, etc - but now your life is more important and busy so you feel deserved in not reciprocating.

I bet you ditched your childless single friends once you got married too (except to hit them up for baby shower gifts).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Op, did you cousin serve in or attend your wedding? If so, it's pretty bad to ditch hers just because since you are married with kids you feel you can't sacrifice the time etc.

Did OP mention her kids as a reason she could not attend?

Yes. She feels since she is married and have kids she wants to prioritize going to her in laws rather than her own cousins wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Op, did you cousin serve in or attend your wedding? If so, it's pretty bad to ditch hers just because since you are married with kids you feel you can't sacrifice the time etc.

Did OP mention her kids as a reason she could not attend?

Yes. She feels since she is married and have kids she wants to prioritize going to her in laws rather than her own cousins wedding.

She mentioned her fiance in the OP. Where does she say she is married with kids?