SaHM having a hard time getting back to work, getting divorced. I'm screwed.

[Anonymous]

No advice, but good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

A lawyer can request that DH pays all or part of your attorney fees, judge will decide.

[Anonymous]

This OP actually sounds like a WOHM writing this post based on her disgust at SAHMs.

It doesn't make sense that she couldn't get any job - not even retail. I know lots of young women who have no job experience, no life experience that have walked in and gotten retail jobs. There are many people without even high school diplomas who have figured out how to make more than 15K a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - PLEASE get a good lawyer and not legal aid.

Dad will have to pay child support but in some states that goes away if custody is 50/50.

You are also owed alimony especially as you can prove that he was your sole source of income because YOU stayed home to raise your child.

Do you own a home? if so, I hope you are both on the deed.

I would look into whether or not his having an affair with is boss is frowned upon by his company. If so, I would use that as a bargaining tool. If you don't give me X, I am going to divulge your affair to your company and to your bosses spouse. assuming boss is married.

I would go after his retirement savings too. And then don't forget about college. get that in writing too - that he will pay for a portion of it.

Can your family loan you money for the attorney?

Good advice except for the bolder section Nucor gods sakes given that he is the only source of income for you and your kids, don't even threaten to mess with it.

Good luck OP. just wanted to say that the cost of my lawyer was made up within three months given that I got so much more support than i thought i could.

[Anonymous]

No advice but to say my heart goes out to you. What field were you in? Perhaps someone here knows someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This OP actually sounds like a WOHM writing this post based on her disgust at SAHMs.

It doesn't make sense that she couldn't get any job - not even retail. I know lots of young women who have no job experience, no life experience that have walked in and gotten retail jobs. There are many people without even high school diplomas who have figured out how to make more than 15K a year.

And there are people who have not.
If it was that easy to get jobs, I guess there would be no unemployment, right??

[Anonymous]

Thank you everyone for your advice. Without divulging much personal info, my family doesn't live around here and doesn't have the money sadly to help wether with a lawyer or a place to stay.

X's boss isn't married but bargaining that is an idea.

At one point I pulled out what very little I had in retirement and paid a lawyer, he drafted two documents and I had done all the work and he knew my situation upfront and still cost me over 3.5K. So that's one of the reasons I'm hesitant to hire one for the duration. And he was useless at telling me what my legal rights financially were, just that I needed to tell him what I wanted.

As for this poster, "This OP actually sounds like a WOHM writing this post based on her disgust at SAHMs.

It doesn't make sense that she couldn't get any job - not even retail. I know lots of young women who have no job experience, no life experience that have walked in and gotten retail jobs. There are many people without even high school diplomas who have figured out how to make more than 15K a year." It's almost better not to respond to you, I think. But, if I had any disgust with SaHMs I wouldn't have stayed home to raise my young one. I admire them and think they're amazing. I regret being married to a dick while being a SaHM because I didn't have a backup financial plan and that screwed me. I have a BA and had a pretty decent job before staying home and now, I'm either overqualified for the smaller stuff or under qualified for the bigger stuff. Even some retail jobs told me they couldn't hire me because the hours I provided for availability weren't enough. Maybe you have somewhere to leave your kids, but I take care of mine all day and all night but every other weekend, and it's making it impossible to commit to positions esp when my ex deliberately is late (seriously late) to every drop off and pick up. And on days I tell him it's important, he sabotages it and then pretends in front of the mediator despite documentation that I am lying. If I could get a damn job, I would, anything at this point because I need to freaking get out of this. I tried occasional babysitting and even applied to a couple of nannying positions.

Thanks to everyone's kind words and all the good advice. I appreciate all of it.

*I didn't proof read this so pardon any mistakes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you everyone for your advice. Without divulging much personal info, my family doesn't live around here and doesn't have the money sadly to help wether with a lawyer or a place to stay.

X's boss isn't married but bargaining that is an idea.

At one point I pulled out what very little I had in retirement and paid a lawyer, he drafted two documents and I had done all the work and he knew my situation upfront and still cost me over 3.5K. So that's one of the reasons I'm hesitant to hire one for the duration. And he was useless at telling me what my legal rights financially were, just that I needed to tell him what I wanted.

As for this poster, "This OP actually sounds like a WOHM writing this post based on her disgust at SAHMs.

It doesn't make sense that she couldn't get any job - not even retail. I know lots of young women who have no job experience, no life experience that have walked in and gotten retail jobs. There are many people without even high school diplomas who have figured out how to make more than 15K a year." It's almost better not to respond to you, I think. But, if I had any disgust with SaHMs I wouldn't have stayed home to raise my young one. I admire them and think they're amazing. I regret being married to a dick while being a SaHM because I didn't have a backup financial plan and that screwed me. I have a BA and had a pretty decent job before staying home and now, I'm either overqualified for the smaller stuff or under qualified for the bigger stuff. Even some retail jobs told me they couldn't hire me because the hours I provided for availability weren't enough. Maybe you have somewhere to leave your kids, but I take care of mine all day and all night but every other weekend, and it's making it impossible to commit to positions esp when my ex deliberately is late (seriously late) to every drop off and pick up. And on days I tell him it's important, he sabotages it and then pretends in front of the mediator despite documentation that I am lying. If I could get a damn job, I would, anything at this point because I need to freaking get out of this. I tried occasional babysitting and even applied to a couple of nannying positions.

Thanks to everyone's kind words and all the good advice. I appreciate all of it.

*I didn't proof read this so pardon any mistakes.

Is the BA in anything maths, engineering, technology or economics related?

Trying to find an angle I can work to help you.

[Anonymous]

Google the women's center in vienna, va. They also have/ had a dc office. Lots of divorce and career support. If closer to Montgomery county, the have the comission on women. These places were set up years ago to help women in your situation. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Just wanted to pile on the "get a lawyer" bandwagon. Since HE wants the divorce, HE has to pay for it. There are laws to protect you, OP.

[Anonymous]

OP, here. Thanks for the women's center idea. I'll check them out. Agreed on him paying for it since he wants it. As for my BA, it's sadly in the arts. I have a focus on international relations and issues but my work experience is all over the place and getting back into a specific niche has been hard. I don't know if it's me, or just timing. And obviously because I have the added pressure of needing to find a job fast, it's aggravating. I know Harvard people who are having a hard time getting in, so I know part of it is the market, but yeah. It's not good all around.

[Anonymous]

OP what state are you in? We might be able to recommend reasonably priced attorneys. I'm a lawyer (not family law though) and agree that you desperately need representation. Divorce can be done through mediation, but only if both sides are proceeding in good faith. It sounds like your husband is trying to screw you. You should not be in a situation where living in your car is an option.

[Anonymous]

Op - get child care during the day and then get a job for goodness sakes. The gravy train has ended and you are no longer going to stay at home and being smug about how you are "raising your child"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP what state are you in? We might be able to recommend reasonably priced attorneys. I'm a lawyer (not family law though) and agree that you desperately need representation. Divorce can be done through mediation, but only if both sides are proceeding in good faith. It sounds like your husband is trying to screw you. You should not be in a situation where living in your car is an option.

Thank you. I'm in D.C. and in mediation today he was trying to see if there's a way to get me to pay him retroactively for having used things like our car more than him during our marriage. I'm not making this up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op - get child care during the day and then get a job for goodness sakes. The gravy train has ended and you are no longer going to stay at home and being smug about how you are "raising your child"

Thank you, I'll stop being smug now.