SaHM having a hard time getting back to work, getting divorced. I'm screwed.
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
Oh my gosh, OP. DO NOT let this man bully you. I haven't been through divorce but from watching friends who have, it's clear mediation only works when there is a collaborative spirit and both parties agree in principle on how things should be divided. Totally agree with the PP quoted above that your ex is trying to screw you. He is betting on the fact that you're too traumatized, and perhaps too ignorant (I don't mean that unkindly, most of us can be described as such when it comes to legal matters) to fight for yourself. And ignore the other PP who called you smug, they're a jerk. Sorry you are going through this. |
Anonymous
| OP, GET A LAWYER!!! Do whatever you have to do to get one. My friend went through a similar situation, husband had an affair with a colleague and left, convinced her to do mediation (he was a lawyer). She had been a SAHM. She was left with no money, half the debt from the house (wasn't it nice of him to leave part of the upside-down house to her), and dated skills. He insisted on 50% custody so he wouldn't have to pay child support and now the poor kid has no consistency, going from house to house every week, and she can't move into a cheaper area because she has to stay in the same school district as her husband so that her daughter can attend school. She makes about 50K now and her husband and his now-wife rake in a combined income of $500K, not a penny of which she is entitled to, while she struggles to come up with half the money for her daughter's soccer and ballet (yup, that was in the agreement too). What is decided now is going to affect you for years to come. Stop letting him screw you over in mediation and get a lawyer. |
Anonymous
|
16:03 here. Your latest update proves you need a lawyer. Now. Unfortunately I know MD better than DC, but lots of MD attorneys are barred in DC. I suggest you try the following, who should have pretty reasonable rates :
Nick Andrews at McCarthy Wilson in Rockville Meg Rosan at Bulman Dunie in Bethesda Any family law associate at Stein Sperling in Rockville. A good attorney may be able to get payment from your husband. But based on your husband's behavior, it will cost you a lot more to forego an attorney than to get one. Sorry I don't have any DC recommendations, but family law isn't my area. Others on this site may have names. But please, call someone tomorrow. You really need some guidance. Good luck. |
Anonymous
| OP here, thank you all! I'll call several today and explain my situation. Appreciate the feedback. |
Anonymous
Thank you for your help! I'll be in touch! Appreciate this. |
Anonymous
|
OP, get a job in retail, or as a waitress
You have been out of the job market for years so you have to start from the bottom. |
Anonymous
|
Check your county's services. They might have one listed under Family Services. Or legal advice. Also, there are services for low income that will help.
Good Luck |
Anonymous
|
OP, if you have any customer service/computer skills, you might be able to get a job with a temp agency as an administrative assistant, which often lead to offers for f/t jobs. The jobs ARE out there, don't give up!
|
Anonymous
I checked them all, none of them could take it.Hope you have better luck! |
Anonymous
Thank you. I have applied to a few admin assistant jobs, a couple of customer service things. I think maybe it's just a matter of time and timing and clearly neither is on my side. I'm down to $30 and will have to borrow money from family to survive the week, and he left our child with me for 4 days, knowing there is no money or food and not giving a shit. I document all of that, this isn't the first time he's not paid for his own child's care. But hey, he gets to tell everyone he's an awesome dad. So that's all that counts. I have some freelance work from home for the week, and some baby sitting so hopefully that'll help lessen the drama a bit till something more concrete is done (lawyer, mediation agreements, new housing, call gov't services, etc). It's fascinating to me. He goes to work and pretend he's this great guy when he's nothing but a piece of shit who doesn't care about his own son. But, it's OK. All in due time. I document everything so it's easier for me to sue for full custody later on. |
Anonymous
| OP you want full custody NOW, if you get 50/50 you will never get full custody down the road unless there is physical abuse to your child. |
Anonymous
OP-here again. I've met with several lawyers and they all basically told me I have no guarantee I can get full-custody now because D.C. favors 50/50 unless there is danger to the child. I was advised that it was easier to document him failing to pick up and drop off, less time with the child than promised, less money etc and prove consistent failure over a year or two and then go in for full-custody than to argue for it now. That unless he's on drugs or is a physical abuser, I had no guarantee. The man is a failure, he's failed at everything in his life. The only reason he's keeping his job is because he's sleeping with his boss. I saw emails from her telling him she couldn't work with him and he was impossible to work with, yet he's still there. I have no doubt he'll fail the custody thing, too. |
Anonymous
|
Here are a few links that might help...http://www.wife.org/12-financial-pitfalls-of-divorce.ht
http://www.vibrantnation.com/live-it-lists/10-mistakes-that-guarantee-youll-get-screwed-in-your-divorce-settlement/ http://voices.yahoo.com/how-stay-home-moms-financially-prepare-for-1297627.html |
Anonymous
| OP, I have no advice (other than get a good lawyer), but I wanted to tell you that I am so sorry. Things can only get better. |