Can someone who is gay/bisexual live happily in a straight marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am bisexual and have been since I can remember. I feel sexually attracted to the same sex strongly, but have had successful opposite sex relationships. I am now married to someone of the opposite sex, but I catch myself being attracted mostly to same sex people on a regular basis. As of right now I love my spouse and would not consider leaving, but is this a sustainable situation permanently?

It won't be sustainable if you stop loving your spouse and/or allow yourself to cheat on him/her. It is very possible to make your marriage vows a priority and do not act on your attractions to anyone else. As other posters have noted, many married people do this and are happy.

[Anonymous]

If you make a commitment to be monogamous, then it doesn't matter what your orientation is. Being bi is not an excuse.

[Anonymous]

OP, does your spouse know you're bisexual? I think these sort of things should be disclosed to the other person before marriage so they go in eyes wide open. I found out about my ex's same sex attraction when I confronted him after two kids and many nights of him coming to bed late at night and making excuses (working late, I am sick, etc.). To this day he is still in the closet....the deception caused an incredible amount of pain and made me think the whole marriage was a lie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am bisexual and have been since I can remember. I feel sexually attracted to the same sex strongly, but have had successful opposite sex relationships. I am now married to someone of the opposite sex, but I catch myself being attracted mostly to same sex people on a regular basis. As of right now I love my spouse and would not consider leaving, but is this a sustainable situation permanently?

This. Cheating is cheating. if you betray your spouse (no matter the gender ) it is cheating. Don't use bisexuality as an excuse.

[Anonymous]

OP here again. I am a woman. I have no intentions of ever cheating on my husband, but I do fear my desire to be with a woman will start makibg me resentful of being in a situation where that part of my sexuality is not being explored.
To adress most of the posters so far: No, it is not like being in a hetero relationship and chosing to be monogamous. By chosing monogamy in a hetero relationship you may be giving up "variety", but you are still getting your needs met, sexually and emotionally speaking. I am getting some or most of my needs met by my husband, but he is not a woman, obviously, therefore there are some things that he just can't give me.
Right now I am fine with that and I chose him to be my husband because he is truly amazing and my best friend. I just fear that this will change, hence the question.
To adress the last pp, yes, my husband does know about this. I told him on our first date (maybe to see if he would run, but he didn't. ) We talk about it a lot and even the threesome idea has come up a few times. I just don't think I could handle seeing him with another woman, even if I was involved. And yes, I know how hypocritical that sounds, which is why I think that would never work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am bisexual and have been since I can remember. I feel sexually attracted to the same sex strongly, but have had successful opposite sex relationships. I am now married to someone of the opposite sex, but I catch myself being attracted mostly to same sex people on a regular basis. As of right now I love my spouse and would not consider leaving, but is this a sustainable situation permanently?

This. Cheating is cheating. if you betray your spouse (no matter the gender ) it is cheating. Don't use bisexuality as an excuse.

I am not. I would not I don't know what gave you that idea. My question was not "is it ok to cheat on my husband because I am bi?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. I am a woman. I have no intentions of ever cheating on my husband, but I do fear my desire to be with a woman will start makibg me resentful of being in a situation where that part of my sexuality is not being explored.
To adress most of the posters so far: No, it is not like being in a hetero relationship and chosing to be monogamous. By chosing monogamy in a hetero relationship you may be giving up "variety", but you are still getting your needs met, sexually and emotionally speaking. I am getting some or most of my needs met by my husband, but he is not a woman, obviously, therefore there are some things that he just can't give me.
Right now I am fine with that and I chose him to be my husband because he is truly amazing and my best friend. I just fear that this will change, hence the question.
To adress the last pp, yes, my husband does know about this. I told him on our first date (maybe to see if he would run, but he didn't. ) We talk about it a lot and even the threesome idea has come up a few times. I just don't think I could handle seeing him with another woman, even if I was involved. And yes, I know how hypocritical that sounds, which is why I think that would never work.

Don't be a hypocrite. If it's okay for you to be with another woman (if you do bring someone in) it should be okay for him as well. And yes, it is like a hetero relationship but you're just using your orientation as an excuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. I am a woman. I have no intentions of ever cheating on my husband, but I do fear my desire to be with a woman will start makibg me resentful of being in a situation where that part of my sexuality is not being explored.
To adress most of the posters so far: No, it is not like being in a hetero relationship and chosing to be monogamous. By chosing monogamy in a hetero relationship you may be giving up "variety", but you are still getting your needs met, sexually and emotionally speaking. I am getting some or most of my needs met by my husband, but he is not a woman, obviously, therefore there are some things that he just can't give me.
Right now I am fine with that and I chose him to be my husband because he is truly amazing and my best friend. I just fear that this will change, hence the question.
To adress the last pp, yes, my husband does know about this. I told him on our first date (maybe to see if he would run, but he didn't. ) We talk about it a lot and even the threesome idea has come up a few times. I just don't think I could handle seeing him with another woman, even if I was involved. And yes, I know how hypocritical that sounds, which is why I think that would never work.

Don't be a hypocrite. If it's okay for you to be with another woman (if you do bring someone in) it should be okay for him as well. And yes, it is like a hetero relationship but you're just using your orientation as an excuse.

I know it should be ok for him too, if we brought someone in. Which is why we haven't. If it's not ok for him, then it's not ok for me. He said he would be happy just watching, btw. I have decided it's not a fair situation.
And when you say I am using my orientation as an excuse, you mean an excuse for what, exactly, considering I have said I do not plan on cheating on him?

[Anonymous]

OP, had you been with women before your husband? If not, maybe it's a case of the what-might-have-beens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, had you been with women before your husband? If not, maybe it's a case of the what-might-have-beens.

I have been with women before. Actually, right before I met my husband, I was in a relationship with a woman.

[Anonymous]

OP here again. I am a woman. I have no intentions of ever cheating on my husband, but I do fear my desire to be with a woman will start makibg me resentful of being in a situation where that part of my sexuality is not being explored.
To adress most of the posters so far: No, it is not like being in a hetero relationship and chosing to be monogamous. By chosing monogamy in a hetero relationship you may be giving up "variety", but you are still getting your needs met, sexually and emotionally speaking. I am getting some or most of my needs met by my husband, but he is not a woman, obviously, therefore there are some things that he just can't give me.
Right now I am fine with that and I chose him to be my husband because he is truly amazing and my best friend. I just fear that this will change, hence the question.
To adress the last pp, yes, my husband does know about this. I told him on our first date (maybe to see if he would run, but he didn't. ) We talk about it a lot and even the threesome idea has come up a few times. I just don't think I could handle seeing him with another woman, even if I was involved. And yes, I know how hypocritical that sounds, which is why I think that would never work.

It's not different. You are using it as an excuse. Your reasoning is total BS.

[Anonymous]

Again, excuse for what, exactly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Again, excuse for what, exactly?

excuse to justify wanting to step out obviously. ....duh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. I am a woman. I have no intentions of ever cheating on my husband, but I do fear my desire to be with a woman will start makibg me resentful of being in a situation where that part of my sexuality is not being explored.
To adress most of the posters so far: No, it is not like being in a hetero relationship and chosing to be monogamous. By chosing monogamy in a hetero relationship you may be giving up "variety", but you are still getting your needs met, sexually and emotionally speaking. I am getting some or most of my needs met by my husband, but he is not a woman, obviously, therefore there are some things that he just can't give me.
Right now I am fine with that and I chose him to be my husband because he is truly amazing and my best friend. I just fear that this will change, hence the question.
To adress the last pp, yes, my husband does know about this. I told him on our first date (maybe to see if he would run, but he didn't. ) We talk about it a lot and even the threesome idea has come up a few times. I just don't think I could handle seeing him with another woman, even if I was involved. And yes, I know how hypocritical that sounds, which is why I think that would never work.

Oh sweetie, you are a few years off coming out as a lesbian.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I think your preference is leaning toward women too. That's what's making it harder for you. I'm more of a 50/50 bi woman, and don't feel my needs are not being met when I'm with a man.

I hope things work out for you guys. Your husband sounds very open minded.