Would you allow your wife to be a surrogate

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I take issue OP with your use of the word "allow?"

She is your wife, however she is free to do whatever she wants with her body as long as she stays faithful to you as your wife.

Anyway, my sister did this for a gay couple and she made quite a lot of dough. She and her hubby got out of a lot of debt and it literally brought them back up.

Sure, being preggers with twins was tough for nine mos., but well worth the payout.

I don't agree with this. The decisions she makes with her body impact the whole family.

You don't agree with what? The responder didn't say she did it over her husband's objections.

[Anonymous]

OP here: I'm actually a woman...(married) asking about a family situation (not my own). So I use the word "allow" being a woman myself, however I see this as a family decision. I would say that as a family, you decide about quitting a job with no new one in sight, you decide public v. private, you decide to have an abortion or not, you decide to send a child for non mandatory medical care (think therapy, ritalyn, etc.) It is her body but the choice impacts many so I think it is a FAMILY choice. What if she is bedridden? Extreme nausea for months at a time? Post delivery complications? Surrogacy falls through (special needs child)? Adoptive parents die suddenly while she is pregnant? Doctor recommends abortion to save the mother's life?

The question wasn't about the word "allow" - in our family I consider choices that affect the FAMILY unit as being ones that need to be made as a family unit. So putting aside this seemingly offensive one word...would you support it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I take issue OP with your use of the word "allow?"

She is your wife, however she is free to do whatever she wants with her body as long as she stays faithful to you as your wife.

Anyway, my sister did this for a gay couple and she made quite a lot of dough. She and her hubby got out of a lot of debt and it literally brought them back up.

Sure, being preggers with twins was tough for nine mos., but well worth the payout.

I don't agree with this. The decisions she makes with her body impact the whole family.

You don't agree with what? The responder didn't say she did it over her husband's objections.

I don't agree that within a marriage a man or woman are free to do anything they wish with their body (other than cheating). By saying she is free to do as she wishes, she is saying this is 100% up to the woman. I think that is incredibly selfish and self-oriented to not consider your spouse or think they should have a say. I think decisions about one's body that impact the spouse or the family should be made together.

[Anonymous]

OP, the way the question is framed, it seems as if you're making a distinction between being a surrogate for money vs. being a surrogate as...a favor? I'm not sure.

I think the question is, would you support your partner being a surrogate for any reason at all (I personally believe that it's certainly within bounds for a woman to receive some financial benefit for doing this.) I do think it's a decision that should be made as a family, though. I wouldn't be automatically against it, but I don't think "my body, my choice" should be the default when you're in a relationship. A pregnancy affects an entire family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:for $?

OP, do you actually have a wife who wants to do this? If so, for how much money? And who for? How old are your children?

Or is this one of those, 'let's just chat about it' random questions?

[Anonymous]

Sure, it's her body, so she can do what she wants. She could also be a prostitute.

But the husband is also free to divorce her if she does something with her body that impacts him negatively.

I'm not hung up on semantics. I get what OP is asking.

I'm a woman. I actually don't think that surrogacy (for money) should be legal unless prostitution is. I view them both as the same type of business transaction -- you are essentially taking money for someone to rent out your body.

If I were a man, a husband, I would tell my wife that I'm not okay with her renting out her womb, just as I wouldn't be okay with her being a prostitute. I'd say she's free to do as she chooses, but I wouldn't stick around.

When you marry someone, part of the agreement is including them in big decisions. I think it's horribly wrong when women go off of the pill without telling their husbands and get "accidentally" pregnant. Those kinds of things should be things discussed and worked out together. No person every controls your body; you have final say. But that doesn't mean that it's okay to sleep with other people when you are married.

[Anonymous]

WOW!

I sincerely hope each and every one of you is NEVER touched by infertility. It is a sad and lonely place to be and sometimes surrogacy is the best option to having a baby and having a family. NO ONE chooses to turn to surrogacy "for fun". Each and every person who needs to use a surrogate does so b/c she (or he for Men) can't safely carry a baby.

I won't even attempt to refute all the misinformation, but nearly no one becomes a surrogate "just for the money". The money is not all that and most of the time you'd be better off getting a part time job. It can take YEARS for a successful transfer and delivery so in that time frame a PT job will earn you more money with no bed rest, no shots, no back pain, no issued work for appointments and no labor pain. Yes, the money is an incentive and allows a surrogate to help her family, but most surrogates feel a deep need to help people have/complete a family.

The OP is correct in that it is a FAMILY decision (although "allow" is a poor choice of word IMO). There is bed rest and travel for transfer, increased risk of twins as many people transfer two embryos, risk of bed rest from twins singleton, wife will not be able to pull her normal household role when she is pregnant... There is SO MUCH involved - the whole family needs to be supportive of pursuing being a surrogate. We have a surrogate who was hospitalized as she was bleeding profusely. She was discharged and on bedrest for a week. The next day her son was admitted to the hospital with asthma complications and she could not go. Her husband was at the hospital with her son while she was at home on bed rest with their other child. That's what they signed up for and they made it work since they agreed to pursue surrogacy as a family team- but I can't even imagine how hard it would be to not be able to go the hospitable with your young child. The money is nice, but you need to really want to help someone in order to really make it work.

(Oh... And you will not get "stuck" with the baby. It's my baby, not hers. I want it, she does not. Legally the baby will be our responsibility when it is born- she will not even be on the birth certificate which protects everyone.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sure, it's her body, so she can do what she wants. She could also be a prostitute.

But the husband is also free to divorce her if she does something with her body that impacts him negatively.

I'm not hung up on semantics. I get what OP is asking.

I'm a woman. I actually don't think that surrogacy (for money) should be legal unless prostitution is. I view them both as the same type of business transaction -- you are essentially taking money for someone to rent out your body.

If I were a man, a husband, I would tell my wife that I'm not okay with her renting out her womb, just as I wouldn't be okay with her being a prostitute. I'd say she's free to do as she chooses, but I wouldn't stick around.

When you marry someone, part of the agreement is including them in big decisions. I think it's horribly wrong when women go off of the pill without telling their husbands and get "accidentally" pregnant. Those kinds of things should be things discussed and worked out together. No person every controls your body; you have final say. But that doesn't mean that it's okay to sleep with other people when you are married.

Do you think giving blood is bad? Would you refuse blood b/c it came from someone else?? How about platelets? People are paid to donate those....?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure, it's her body, so she can do what she wants. She could also be a prostitute.

But the husband is also free to divorce her if she does something with her body that impacts him negatively.

I'm not hung up on semantics. I get what OP is asking.

I'm a woman. I actually don't think that surrogacy (for money) should be legal unless prostitution is. I view them both as the same type of business transaction -- you are essentially taking money for someone to rent out your body.

If I were a man, a husband, I would tell my wife that I'm not okay with her renting out her womb, just as I wouldn't be okay with her being a prostitute. I'd say she's free to do as she chooses, but I wouldn't stick around.

When you marry someone, part of the agreement is including them in big decisions. I think it's horribly wrong when women go off of the pill without telling their husbands and get "accidentally" pregnant. Those kinds of things should be things discussed and worked out together. No person every controls your body; you have final say. But that doesn't mean that it's okay to sleep with other people when you are married.

Do you think giving blood is bad? Would you refuse blood b/c it came from someone else?? How about platelets? People are paid to donate those....?

Giving blood or donating a kidney are different. 1) you are GIVING something, not allowing USE of your body for a specified period of time and 2) you aren't getting paid for it and 3) blood or an organ is necessary for health and survival of the recipient; no one *needs* a baby to survive (it is purely for want).

That said, I think it all should be legal, but I don't think there is a huge difference between surrogacy and prostitution. You are renting out your body for another person's use.

I have a close relative who is infertile. She has accepted it, painful though it may be. And she might adopt one day. She won't consider using a surrogate. And I don't blame her.

Infertility is a tragedy, but surrogacy is still renting out your body. And I don't believe that the ends justify the means. Is prostitution more justifiable if it is a situation where a man is married to a woman who is in a coma? It's still prostitution. It is still someone paying for use of another person's body.

Again, I think consenting adults should be free to do as they please, but I wouldn't blame the spouse of one of those consenting adults for disapproving and leaving, as he is free to do as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure, it's her body, so she can do what she wants. She could also be a prostitute.

But the husband is also free to divorce her if she does something with her body that impacts him negatively.

I'm not hung up on semantics. I get what OP is asking.

I'm a woman. I actually don't think that surrogacy (for money) should be legal unless prostitution is. I view them both as the same type of business transaction -- you are essentially taking money for someone to rent out your body.

If I were a man, a husband, I would tell my wife that I'm not okay with her renting out her womb, just as I wouldn't be okay with her being a prostitute. I'd say she's free to do as she chooses, but I wouldn't stick around.

When you marry someone, part of the agreement is including them in big decisions. I think it's horribly wrong when women go off of the pill without telling their husbands and get "accidentally" pregnant. Those kinds of things should be things discussed and worked out together. No person every controls your body; you have final say. But that doesn't mean that it's okay to sleep with other people when you are married.

Do you think giving blood is bad? Would you refuse blood b/c it came from someone else?? How about platelets? People are paid to donate those....?

Do you think it should be legal for people to buy and sell body parts, organs? Donation is one thing. buying and selling is another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure, it's her body, so she can do what she wants. She could also be a prostitute.

But the husband is also free to divorce her if she does something with her body that impacts him negatively.

I'm not hung up on semantics. I get what OP is asking.

I'm a woman. I actually don't think that surrogacy (for money) should be legal unless prostitution is. I view them both as the same type of business transaction -- you are essentially taking money for someone to rent out your body.

If I were a man, a husband, I would tell my wife that I'm not okay with her renting out her womb, just as I wouldn't be okay with her being a prostitute. I'd say she's free to do as she chooses, but I wouldn't stick around.

When you marry someone, part of the agreement is including them in big decisions. I think it's horribly wrong when women go off of the pill without telling their husbands and get "accidentally" pregnant. Those kinds of things should be things discussed and worked out together. No person every controls your body; you have final say. But that doesn't mean that it's okay to sleep with other people when you are married.

Do you think giving blood is bad? Would you refuse blood b/c it came from someone else?? How about platelets? People are paid to donate those....?

Giving blood or donating a kidney are different. 1) you are GIVING something, not allowing USE of your body for a specified period of time and 2) you aren't getting paid for it and 3) blood or an organ is necessary for health and survival of the recipient; no one *needs* a baby to survive (it is purely for want).

That said, I think it all should be legal, but I don't think there is a huge difference between surrogacy and prostitution. You are renting out your body for another person's use.

I have a close relative who is infertile. She has accepted it, painful though it may be. And she might adopt one day. She won't consider using a surrogate. And I don't blame her.

Infertility is a tragedy, but surrogacy is still renting out your body. And I don't believe that the ends justify the means. Is prostitution more justifiable if it is a situation where a man is married to a woman who is in a coma? It's still prostitution. It is still someone paying for use of another person's body.

Again, I think consenting adults should be free to do as they please, but I wouldn't blame the spouse of one of those consenting adults for disapproving and leaving, as he is free to do as well.

Good for your friend for accepting it... But I can have a child that is Biologically mine with none of the unknowns of adoption.... Why should I adopt them???

Surrogacy is not prostitution but any stretch. It's a medical procedure.

Spouses need to approve/agree n surrogacy but also on just about everything else in a marriage. That's the way marriage works.

[Anonymous]

Infertility is a tragedy, but surrogacy is still renting out your body. And I don't believe that the ends justify the means. Is prostitution more justifiable if it is a situation where a man is married to a woman who is in a coma? It's still prostitution. It is still someone paying for use of another person's body.

Well, there you go. I don't have a problem with surrogacy or prostitution.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, this whole surrogacy = prostitution argument rests on the idea that everyone considers prostitution to be evil. That's a particular moral view I don't share.

But setting all that aside -- unless this is something that the OP is really considering, is this really a "money and finances" issue? It seems like just an idle question unless someone is really considering this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, this whole surrogacy = prostitution argument rests on the idea that everyone considers prostitution to be evil. That's a particular moral view I don't share.

But setting all that aside -- unless this is something that the OP is really considering, is this really a "money and finances" issue? It seems like just an idle question unless someone is really considering this.

I have friends of ours considering it - for the money only. She is a stay at home mom and the husband wants her to get a job. She wants to stay home with the kids. This was what she came up with - exclusively for the money aspect. They'd pay bills off in one swoop but would probably not have any extra afterwards. (He wants her to get a job at least until the credit card debt is done...so her idea completely satisfies his underlying reason that she be employed).

[Anonymous]

I think surrogacy is beautiful thing. A wonderful gift to give to an infertile couple.