Holiday drama already starting

[Anonymous]

Everyone who is married usually has holiday obligations on both sides. Why should OP choose to celebrate with the toxic group?

[Anonymous]

I'm with you, OP. The best way to handle things like this is how you initially approached it. Don't engage. You received an invitation, you politely declined. Your cousin should never have engaged the toxic SIL but the damage is done. I don't think you need to apologize and you DEFINITELY do not need to spend the holidays with them. The best way to deal with this is civil disengagement. Stay strong and congratulations on making healthy decisions for you and your family.

[Anonymous]

1035+ don't engage the bitchy SIL on fb. Ignore her whining & drama. Sounds like you did the right thing by planning another celebration!

[Anonymous]

Here's the thing. Of course you have every right not to celebrate with "the toxic group." But deliberately draining people away and then writing "declined" on someone's evite is childish, manipulative, and dramatic. And then you top it off by going nuclear on Facebook. Sorry, but you are part of the drama if you are part of the splinter group. I don't buy that you simply politely abstained and someone else created the drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's the thing. Of course you have every right not to celebrate with "the toxic group." But deliberately draining people away and then writing "declined" on someone's evite is childish, manipulative, and dramatic. And then you top it off by going nuclear on Facebook. Sorry, but you are part of the drama if you are part of the splinter group. I don't buy that you simply politely abstained and someone else created the drama.

This doesn't make any sense. If some family members don't want to spend time around toxic people, that doesn't mean they're also prohibited from spending the holiday with each other. This isn't elementary school. These are grown adults, in theory. If your family doesn't want to spend time with you, it's for one of two reasons: you, or them. If it's you, then with some hard work, you can change it, but not immediately. If it's them, then there's nothing you can do. But either way, there's no rule that family gatherings have to be all or nothing if some of the family members are toxic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's the thing. Of course you have every right not to celebrate with "the toxic group." But deliberately draining people away and then writing "declined" on someone's evite is childish, manipulative, and dramatic. And then you top it off by going nuclear on Facebook. Sorry, but you are part of the drama if you are part of the splinter group. I don't buy that you simply politely abstained and someone else created the drama.

This doesn't make any sense. If some family members don't want to spend time around toxic people, that doesn't mean they're also prohibited from spending the holiday with each other. This isn't elementary school. These are grown adults, in theory. If your family doesn't want to spend time with you, it's for one of two reasons: you, or them. If it's you, then with some hard work, you can change it, but not immediately. If it's them, then there's nothing you can do. But either way, there's no rule that family gatherings have to be all or nothing if some of the family members are toxic.

It's the way this played out, not the rule, that is eye-popping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's the thing. Of course you have every right not to celebrate with "the toxic group." But deliberately draining people away and then writing "declined" on someone's evite is childish, manipulative, and dramatic. And then you top it off by going nuclear on Facebook. Sorry, but you are part of the drama if you are part of the splinter group. I don't buy that you simply politely abstained and someone else created the drama.

This doesn't make any sense. If some family members don't want to spend time around toxic people, that doesn't mean they're also prohibited from spending the holiday with each other. This isn't elementary school. These are grown adults, in theory. If your family doesn't want to spend time with you, it's for one of two reasons: you, or them. If it's you, then with some hard work, you can change it, but not immediately. If it's them, then there's nothing you can do. But either way, there's no rule that family gatherings have to be all or nothing if some of the family members are toxic.

It's the way this played out, not the rule, that is eye-popping.

Well, yeah, the facebooking cousin was just poking the crazy. But there's nothing wrong with the overall plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's the thing. Of course you have every right not to celebrate with "the toxic group." But deliberately draining people away and then writing "declined" on someone's evite is childish, manipulative, and dramatic. And then you top it off by going nuclear on Facebook. Sorry, but you are part of the drama if you are part of the splinter group. I don't buy that you simply politely abstained and someone else created the drama.

OP didn't write anything on Facebook, her cousin did. And declining an evite is hardly "childish, manipulative, and dramatic".

[Anonymous]

It's hard to plan larger get togethers in a trailer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother and I don't really get along with rest of our immediate family. The only exception is our mother who we are both close with. I am sure the rest of the family has complaints about us. We just don't get along. Last year we decided not even for our mothers sake we were no longer going to spend holidays with people we don't like.

This year along with our spouses/kids and a couple of cousins we decided to spend this holiday season together. We have not made any solid plans yet but we are def not spending with the toxic bunch from years past.

So anyway my SIL the self appointed head of the family sent out her annual TG info of where she has decided the family will be spending TG . I put declined. She emailed me right away and asked me why I would not be attending. I said "We made other plans but thanks for the invite". My brother and 2 cousins declined her invites as well. SIL has been the cause of a lot of family drama and I avoid her like the plague. She loves to cause drama and twist your words.

So I thought nothing of her invite again until a few days later when I get a message from my good SIL (were best friends) saying toxicSIL is at it again check facebook. That crazy b!tch wrote on her facebook wall:

I am so upset right now. I found out 2 of DH’s siblings are trying to hijack the holidays and split the family apart. They are planning their own little gathering and are only inviting family deemed worthy of their presence. So upset right now for hubby!! ? Family is supposed to stick together especially around holiday time.

My cousin then jumps in and he swears the devil made him do it:

Go look in the mirror and you will see the reason why people don't want to spend the holidays at your house. I refuse to spend one more holiday with a bunch of fake ass people.

After that it turned into a blood bath. Its only August. Oh well at least there is no doubt whatsoever where we stand with each other and how we feel about each other.

OMG!
Your cousin's response was priceless!!!
PRICE.LESS!
Keep your head down -- don't post on facebook and sit back and watch the fireworks.
This is hilarious!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's the thing. Of course you have every right not to celebrate with "the toxic group." But deliberately draining people away and then writing "declined" on someone's evite is childish, manipulative, and dramatic. And then you top it off by going nuclear on Facebook. Sorry, but you are part of the drama if you are part of the splinter group. I don't buy that you simply politely abstained and someone else created the drama.

That is how the invite came. You either click on accept or decline. I declined. There was no drama until she got on facebook. So for an update. It turns out there are more people than I thought that have had with toxic SIL. People I don't even like. When she made that post I guess she was expecting tons of support and sympathy and she only got support from a few of her minions. She was confronted on how she treats people and her controlling ways. She was sliced and diced and had her ass handed to her. Even her minions could not defend her when examples her given of her bad behavior. They went limping away like a dog with a broken leg. Her biggest critics were some of her supposed friends. I could hardly believe it when I read the posts this morning.

ToxicSIL husband (our brother) has now called a family meeting. Hate to break it to him but I don't think anyone will show. He does not have that kind of influence to get everyone together. Especially if he plans on defending his bitchy wife. I don't think toxicSIL will be hosting anymore family holiday parties in the near future. Word on the family gossip vine is that 90% of the responses have been declined. The crazy thing is SIL brought it all on herself with her self righteous post. The only person in "my" group that posted was my cousin and he stopped after 1 post. Compared to some of the other posts his was tame. This was a long time coming.

I am now more convinced than ever we made the right decision to make our own holiday plans.

[Anonymous]

10:35 here. Thanks for the update, OP. It's so nice to be the observer in someone else's drama instead of my own! I'm sure your holidays are going to be much more merry now!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's the thing. Of course you have every right not to celebrate with "the toxic group." But deliberately draining people away and then writing "declined" on someone's evite is childish, manipulative, and dramatic. And then you top it off by going nuclear on Facebook. Sorry, but you are part of the drama if you are part of the splinter group. I don't buy that you simply politely abstained and someone else created the drama.

That is how the invite came. You either click on accept or decline. I declined. There was no drama until she got on facebook. So for an update. It turns out there are more people than I thought that have had with toxic SIL. People I don't even like. When she made that post I guess she was expecting tons of support and sympathy and she only got support from a few of her minions. She was confronted on how she treats people and her controlling ways. She was sliced and diced and had her ass handed to her. Even her minions could not defend her when examples her given of her bad behavior. They went limping away like a dog with a broken leg. Her biggest critics were some of her supposed friends. I could hardly believe it when I read the posts this morning.

ToxicSIL husband (our brother) has now called a family meeting. Hate to break it to him but I don't think anyone will show. He does not have that kind of influence to get everyone together. Especially if he plans on defending his bitchy wife. I don't think toxicSIL will be hosting anymore family holiday parties in the near future. Word on the family gossip vine is that 90% of the responses have been declined. The crazy thing is SIL brought it all on herself with her self righteous post. The only person in "my" group that posted was my cousin and he stopped after 1 post. Compared to some of the other posts his was tame. This was a long time coming.

I am now more convinced than ever we made the right decision to make our own holiday plans.

OMG screenshot please!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP didn't say anything about posting on facebook. It sounds like OP did the right thing by making family plans with those she wants to spend time with - nothing wrong with that.

Agree with this pp. OP, do not engage on Facebook. Ignore!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP didn't say anything about posting on facebook. It sounds like OP did the right thing by making family plans with those she wants to spend time with - nothing wrong with that.

You're so right. Exclusion is a beautiful thing.

Didn't you just exclude over 6 billion people from your last vacation?