SEVERE buyer's remorse

[Anonymous]

Unless you're moving really far out or just to somewhere completely un-walkable, you might find it pretty nice. I loved living in DC and hated living in Fairfax, but love living in Arlington because I can walk to stuff, metro into the city quickly (though I have to drive to metro and park) and I still get into DC all the time. We do stuff all over the area, and it's definitely quieter at night, and we have more space. A lot of what I love about DC still applies - it just takes longer to get to it, but still not long.

Cheer up. It's normal to have some transition anxiety about it being the end of an era for you.

[Anonymous]

Bottom line is if you moved once, you can move again if it does not pan out.
However, some of the best advice I have ever received (and use it time and again) is: It's not IS it going to work, but HOW do I make it work?"

[Anonymous]

You don't have buyer's remorse, you have cold feet. You haven't actually moved yet. Remorse is for when you've actually moved, you've experienced the differences, including the pluses that supposedly made you opt for the change, and you regret the change because the pros are not as strong as the cons.

Try to start thinking about the reasons that you made the original decision and try to focus on the pluses, the things that you'll like more (dedicated parking space? garage? more space? having a door between you and the baby? etc, etc). This may help you look forward to the good things of where you are going rather than missing the good things of where you are leaving. And don't be surprised if you actually like where you are going once you finally get there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless you're moving really far out or just to somewhere completely un-walkable, you might find it pretty nice. I loved living in DC and hated living in Fairfax, but love living in Arlington because I can walk to stuff, metro into the city quickly (though I have to drive to metro and park) and I still get into DC all the time. We do stuff all over the area, and it's definitely quieter at night, and we have more space. A lot of what I love about DC still applies - it just takes longer to get to it, but still not long.

Cheer up. It's normal to have some transition anxiety about it being the end of an era for you.

Arlington is the one place I lived where I could not wait to leave and had absolutely no regrets. I can do city, or I can do suburb, but I can't handle ugly in-between.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless you're moving really far out or just to somewhere completely un-walkable, you might find it pretty nice. I loved living in DC and hated living in Fairfax, but love living in Arlington because I can walk to stuff, metro into the city quickly (though I have to drive to metro and park) and I still get into DC all the time. We do stuff all over the area, and it's definitely quieter at night, and we have more space. A lot of what I love about DC still applies - it just takes longer to get to it, but still not long.

Cheer up. It's normal to have some transition anxiety about it being the end of an era for you.

Arlington is the one place I lived where I could not wait to leave and had absolutely no regrets. I can do city, or I can do suburb, but I can't handle ugly in-between.

My experience exactly. Arlington is the very definition of concrete jungle. Walkable? No. I moved back to the city in a hurry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And where exactly were you when this decision was made?

For us, more space, better schools, greater safety and neighbors who actually take care of their homes and quiet down at a reasonable hour made to the move easy, although I will admit it seemed almost too quiet at night at first. We were used to sirens on our block at least once a week after 11 PM. I never knew if the people in that house really overdosed that often or just thought the EMT guys were cute.

+1

I've lived in NOVA for 4 years and I still miss DC. I miss the city lifestyle - going out to new, trendy restaurants; hopping on the bus/Metro to visit friends; a rowhouse with a small/low maintenance yard, etc.

But when I think about my life now (with two young children), I realize the DC life is not compatible with what is now most important to me - raising a family. DC was best for me as a single person and even as a married person. But now that I'm a mom, I have new priorities. In NOVA the schools are great and my children are going to grow up with the kind of childhood I had - they can play basketball in the cul de sac with neighborhood kids, they can learn to ride bikes in the street and explore trails in nearby parks, they'll go to the school down the road with all the neighborhood kids and not worry about friends getting split up because of the crazy charter process. Our neighborhood in the city was walkable, but I would walk by things on a regular basis that weren't really kid-friendly. Sure, kids in the city may grow up to be more "worldly", but I'd rather protect my child from the drug dealers down the street who hung out on their porch all day long.

Give the suburbs a chance. They really have a lot of positives. I think it's okay to mourn the loss of your city lifestyle, but you can't have it all. You're definitely giving up something, but think about all that you're gaining.

You don't even know if OP has kids. FFS.

+1! If you're talking about Capitol Hill or Navy Yard, the drug dealers are long gone. Families are everywhere. Just check the threads on Brent and Maury schools.Don't believe outdated stereotypes.

PP here. I admit I was generalizing about city life because drug dealers are not pervasive in DC. Well, actually I wasn't generalizing because I was talking about my particular situation. It's not an "outdated stereotype" when you lived through it and know that your former neighbors are still living with it. We lived in a NE neighborhood that is not Capitol Hill. I'll concede that if we were only concered about the "drug dealer" problem we could have stayed in DC and moved to a "safer" neighborhood.

You're also right about not knowing whether OP is a parent or not. We actually moved to the suburbs before having kids, but we did so with with a future family in mind. So if OP doesn't have kids, but plans to have them in the future, that may be one reason for the remorse. Kids may make OP realize it was a good decision.

[Anonymous]

Walkability is funny. The poors walk everywhere , took some getting use to hearing non poor people want to walk.

[Anonymous]

OP here, thank you all for these great replies. We have a one year old, ran out of space where we were, and got priced out of larger places in the District. You are so right that I am mourning the end of an era! Lived in the city since 1995 and just never thought I would leave. This move is really a leap of faith that it will be better for the family - more space, terrific elementary in walking distance, no huge mortgage hanging over us. But inside I feel like a toddler throwing a tantrum - don't wanna go!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And where exactly were you when this decision was made?

For us, more space, better schools, greater safety and neighbors who actually take care of their homes and quiet down at a reasonable hour made to the move easy, although I will admit it seemed almost too quiet at night at first. We were used to sirens on our block at least once a week after 11 PM. I never knew if the people in that house really overdosed that often or just thought the EMT guys were cute.

+1

I've lived in NOVA for 4 years and I still miss DC. I miss the city lifestyle - going out to new, trendy restaurants; hopping on the bus/Metro to visit friends; a rowhouse with a small/low maintenance yard, etc.

But when I think about my life now (with two young children), I realize the DC life is not compatible with what is now most important to me - raising a family. DC was best for me as a single person and even as a married person. But now that I'm a mom, I have new priorities. In NOVA the schools are great and my children are going to grow up with the kind of childhood I had - they can play basketball in the cul de sac with neighborhood kids, they can learn to ride bikes in the street and explore trails in nearby parks, they'll go to the school down the road with all the neighborhood kids and not worry about friends getting split up because of the crazy charter process. Our neighborhood in the city was walkable, but I would walk by things on a regular basis that weren't really kid-friendly. Sure, kids in the city may grow up to be more "worldly", but I'd rather protect my child from the drug dealers down the street who hung out on their porch all day long.

Give the suburbs a chance. They really have a lot of positives. I think it's okay to mourn the loss of your city lifestyle, but you can't have it all. You're definitely giving up something, but think about all that you're gaining.

You don't even know if OP has kids. FFS.

+1! If you're talking about Capitol Hill or Navy Yard, the drug dealers are long gone. Families are everywhere. Just check the threads on Brent and Maury schools.Don't believe outdated stereotypes.

Yeah capital hill is safe

http://www.google.com/url?source=imglanding&ct=ref&q=http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/crime/searching-for-the-words/2013/07/27/0bf9aba6-f579-11e2-9434-60440856fadf_gallery.html&sa=X&ei=2ekLUsT2OcviyAGj9IBA&ved=0CEUQ8wc&usg=AFQjCNGKSghEhesklxUdbb4TfDtn9Kn9YA

[Anonymous]

DH and I lived in the city for 8 years before moving out to the burbs (no kids). I thought it would be hard to leave the city but I love the burbs so much more (I am in the Virginia burbs now). The burbs are all about convenience, space, and quiet. While I did like walking everywhere and I've gained 20 pounds in the last 3 years of living out in the burbs simply from lack of walking, I love everything else about being in the burbs. Now when we go into the city for dinner or something I find myself feeling annoyed--at the lack of parking, the traffic, the crazy busy pace. I like the laid back pace of the burbs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I chose to have my walk-everywhere yet leafy neighborhood SFH right smack in Bethesda.

Now of course my disposable income has dwindled to nearly nothing

Trade-offs everywhere.

Ditto. I miss the city, although it's actually more walkable where I am now in Bethesda than when I lived in the city. But overall it was the right choice at this time.

[Anonymous]

Thousands of cool bars and restaurants have opened up in our old neighborhood in DC. I often regret leaving. But what i really miss is our pre-kid lifestyle. The cool places don't take reservations, and you wait an hour or two for a seat. Not really practical once you have to pay a babysitter... At least in Bethesda you can get in anywhere, and everywhere is kid friendly, even if the standard is somewhat lower...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless you're moving really far out or just to somewhere completely un-walkable, you might find it pretty nice. I loved living in DC and hated living in Fairfax, but love living in Arlington because I can walk to stuff, metro into the city quickly (though I have to drive to metro and park) and I still get into DC all the time. We do stuff all over the area, and it's definitely quieter at night, and we have more space. A lot of what I love about DC still applies - it just takes longer to get to it, but still not long.

Cheer up. It's normal to have some transition anxiety about it being the end of an era for you.

Arlington is the one place I lived where I could not wait to leave and had absolutely no regrets. I can do city, or I can do suburb, but I can't handle ugly in-between.

Funny ... I never would have considered moving to Arlington when I first got here 27 yrs. ago but now have lived there for 26 yrs. and have never seriously considered or wanted to live in DC ... I can be there in 8 mins. with 2 stop lights ... different strokes...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thank you all for these great replies. We have a one year old, ran out of space where we were, and got priced out of larger places in the District. You are so right that I am mourning the end of an era! Lived in the city since 1995 and just never thought I would leave. This move is really a leap of faith that it will be better for the family - more space, terrific elementary in walking distance, no huge mortgage hanging over us. But inside I feel like a toddler throwing a tantrum - don't wanna go!

We recently made the move and OP, I know how you feel. After 20 years in DC and growing up in a soulless suburb of NoVa (I won't name which), our decision to move gave me panic attacks. I always thought we'd raise our child to be a sophisticated urban adventurer, full of confidence and verve. But the schools sucked, and while we were happy with our charter, none of our kid's neighborhood friends went to the same school. Arranging play dates and getting to afterschool activities involved lots of driving - so much for walkability. Our DC neighborhood was full of drug dealers and brothels, gradually giving way to young professionals in group homes. Very few families with kids. Lots of attitude and no sense of responsibility. Litter, vomit and blood stains on the sidewalk. There are some pockets of DC where the neighborhood schools are great but we couldn't afford them. And while I understand the appeal of Capitol Hill, I was afraid of rolling the dice to find a decent middle school when the time came. Anyway, these were our reasons for moving and you have your own. Yet I still mourned my lost ideal of a cultured, vibrant, walkable, diverse, urban life for my child. Fast forward two weeks after the move and we haven't looked back since. Our new neighborhood is full of DC transplants who haven't looked back either. Our kids all ride the bus together. My kid plays outside, rides her bike in the street, walks to her friends' houses and no one locks their doors. Crazy, I know. There is a stronger sense of community and civic responsibility than we ever had in DC. We know our neighbors. We can still walk to the grocery store, dry cleaners, coffee shop, CVS, and the schools are awesome. Sometimes the grass really is greener. OP, I wish you much happiness in your new neighborhood. Congratulations!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thank you all for these great replies. We have a one year old, ran out of space where we were, and got priced out of larger places in the District. You are so right that I am mourning the end of an era! Lived in the city since 1995 and just never thought I would leave. This move is really a leap of faith that it will be better for the family - more space, terrific elementary in walking distance, no huge mortgage hanging over us. But inside I feel like a toddler throwing a tantrum - don't wanna go!

OP, you're not alone. Many of us in the suburbs would love to live in the city if we could afford it and afford the private schools that would be needed almost anywhere but upper NW( which is basically the same thing as living in the suburbs). It sucks but I'll bet you'll find thins things to like. Enjoy your new home!