Destination wedding a no-go

[Anonymous]

You husband needs to tell his mother unless she is willing to buy the kids tickets they will not be attending, you simply do not have that kind of money right now. He will be attending to support his brother but you can not because you are you going to leave 3 kids with?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm probably going to be the only one saying this, but I'd make more of an effort. What kind of destination? Somewhere you could actually make a vacation out of?

I do think mil is overstepping it a bit with her comments. Also, not the most considerate of uncle.

I will say, if you don't go, you sure as hell better not be taking any Disney vacations or anything like that for the next couple of years. If I was uncle and found out about a Disney vacation that year, I'd be really pissed.

Not attending BIL's destination wedding would not prevent me from taking vacations for the next couple of years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm probably going to be the only one saying this, but I'd make more of an effort. What kind of destination? Somewhere you could actually make a vacation out of?

I do think mil is overstepping it a bit with her comments. Also, not the most considerate of uncle.

I will say, if you don't go, you sure as hell better not be taking any Disney vacations or anything like that for the next couple of years. If I was uncle and found out about a Disney vacation that year, I'd be really pissed.

You, my friend, sound insane.

My BIL married a few years ago on a remote island, the weekend before Thanksgiving. To get there, guests had to fly to a bigger island and then take some sort of commuter jet to the small island. It was extremely expensive and difficult timing to boot. I did not go. I felt kind of bad about it but not that bad. No way should I be forced to spend thousands to fly to a random island for two days and then immediately come home when those same costs could cover a 10 day trip for our family.

+1! A destination wedding is no family vacation. OP, stay home with the kids. Let your DH represent the family and use the saved money for your kids' memories. After all, they're only little once, and there's no guarantee that your BIL will only get married once.

[Anonymous]

I bet uncle and future aunt are totally fine with such little kids missing the wedding. I think sending dh on his own is fine!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm probably going to be the only one saying this, but I'd make more of an effort. What kind of destination? Somewhere you could actually make a vacation out of?

I do think mil is overstepping it a bit with her comments. Also, not the most considerate of uncle.

I will say, if you don't go, you sure as hell better not be taking any Disney vacations or anything like that for the next couple of years. If I was uncle and found out about a Disney vacation that year, I'd be really pissed.

Not attending BIL's destination wedding would not prevent me from taking vacations for the next couple of years.

If OP wants to take her kids to Disney next year good for her, but right now she doesnt have the 6k to go to her BILs wedding. things change from year to year and the OP & her DH get to spend their money however they want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm probably going to be the only one saying this, but I'd make more of an effort. What kind of destination? Somewhere you could actually make a vacation out of?

I do think mil is overstepping it a bit with her comments. Also, not the most considerate of uncle.

I will say, if you don't go, you sure as hell better not be taking any Disney vacations or anything like that for the next couple of years. If I was uncle and found out about a Disney vacation that year, I'd be really pissed.

Who cares what you think? You sound like a bitch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You husband needs to tell his mother unless she is willing to buy the kids tickets they will not be attending, you simply do not have that kind of money right now. He will be attending to support his brother but you can not because you are you going to leave 3 kids with?!

Agree with this. And all communication should go through your husband. I have to do that with my MIL. While I would never be mad at you for not attending the wedding and then taking a different vacation, your MIL seems like the person who would probably be bitter. So you might want to prepare yourself for that if you guys go away. Of course, in that situation, I'd be tempted to lie and say you "won" a free trip

[Anonymous]

I do not see that your missing this wedding entitles the whole family to give opinions on your future vacation budgets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely absurd for you all to go. Don't give it another thought. If MIL calls, immediately hand phone to your DH. If she emails, forward to him. This is his unreasonable mother, his problem.

Yep. And DH really owes you an apology for letting you walk into that. He should have either told her, or told you that he's waiting until later to tell her so you could have changed the subject. The fact that you bore the brunt of her wrath instead of him is really obnoxious of him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm probably going to be the only one saying this, but I'd make more of an effort. What kind of destination? Somewhere you could actually make a vacation out of?

I do think mil is overstepping it a bit with her comments. Also, not the most considerate of uncle.

I will say, if you don't go, you sure as hell better not be taking any Disney vacations or anything like that for the next couple of years. If I was uncle and found out about a Disney vacation that year, I'd be really pissed.

Who cares what you think? You sound like a bitch.

Is that really necessary? I'm with the majority on this one. I would send DH and not feel guilty at all, but if you're in a place where you need to call someone a bitch because she expresses a different opinion, maybe you should back away from the internet and deal with your anger issues.

[Anonymous]

Part of the deal with a destination wedding is that some people can't attend; even family. Dh pretty much needs to go. The rest of the family does not need to spend that kind of money on someone else's wedding. Feel free to use your family's hard earned money for whatever vacations or expenses you choose together. And dh needs to be the one dealing with the family to explain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm probably going to be the only one saying this, but I'd make more of an effort. What kind of destination? Somewhere you could actually make a vacation out of?

I do think mil is overstepping it a bit with her comments. Also, not the most considerate of uncle.

I will say, if you don't go, you sure as hell better not be taking any Disney vacations or anything like that for the next couple of years. If I was uncle and found out about a Disney vacation that year, I'd be really pissed.

Who cares what you think? You sound like a bitch.

Is that really necessary? I'm with the majority on this one. I would send DH and not feel guilty at all, but if you're in a place where you need to call someone a bitch because she expresses a different opinion, maybe you should back away from the internet and deal with your anger issues.

OP here. That was not my post, but I can completely understand how MIL issues can get the best of people.

I am starting to feel less guilty about not going. We will send a nice wedding gift with our well wishes. And yes, I can only hope that MIL does not rant about how we spend money over the next 6 months.

[Anonymous]

So DH is supposed to spend his annual vacation AND upwards of $1000 to attend this event. The OP will then have the privilege of staying at home w/5 kids - AND she gets to be in the dog house w/mil for refusing to cough up the extra 5K to attend this event. Uh...NO.

Seems to me, the OP and her DH had 5 kids well before BIL planned this wedding....Kwim? I'd send them my regrets. Can't make it, sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So DH is supposed to spend his annual vacation AND upwards of $1000 to attend this event. The OP will then have the privilege of staying at home w/5 kids - AND she gets to be in the dog house w/mil for refusing to cough up the extra 5K to attend this event. Uh...NO.

Seems to me, the OP and her DH had 5 kids well before BIL planned this wedding....Kwim? I'd send them my regrets. Can't make it, sorry.

Oops, meant 3 kids not 5.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm probably going to be the only one saying this, but I'd make more of an effort. What kind of destination? Somewhere you could actually make a vacation out of?

I do think mil is overstepping it a bit with her comments. Also, not the most considerate of uncle.

I will say, if you don't go, you sure as hell better not be taking any Disney vacations or anything like that for the next couple of years. If I was uncle and found out about a Disney vacation that year, I'd be really pissed.

ARe u serious?
I am the destination wedding pp
One of my best friends did not attend my wedding because she had already planned an exotic vacation
HER MONEY, HER LIFE, HER PEROGATIVE
I would be PISSED if someone told me exactly how I had to spend thousands of dollars of my own money.
Maybe I want to save up and spend $5000 on a vacation of MY FAMILY's choice, going where I want, doing what I WANT, for as long as I can afford

Bingo.
Can you imagine trying to keep a 5 year old and two 3 years old entertained at a destination wedding? Unless your destination wedding is in DisneyWorld, there's is no way I'm throwing away thousands of dollars to have a miserable time.

Ummm, most destination weddings are at cool places like the beach -- my kids would probably LOvE the trip! However, I completely agree that if it's cost prohibitive or otherwise bad for the parents (would eat away at all vacation time for the year or whatever), then definitely don't go or send just DH.