Destination wedding a no-go

[Anonymous]

My BIL is having a destination wedding next year. Round-trip flights are averaging in the $800 range. We can not afford for our family of five to attend (the kids are ages 5, 3, and 3). I let my husband know he is more than welcome to attend by himself and I will stay at home with the kids. Because of the travel distance and various wedding events, he would be gone 5 nights.

This past weekend, MIL went on and on about the wedding. She asked me if the kids were looking forward to the plane ride. I realized that DH never told MIL that only he was going to be able to go. So I stumbled around with my words but let her know that we were not attending due to the prohibitive cost. She was furious! "How could the kids miss their uncle's wedding, etc." At most, they see their uncle once a year. I told her kids would be fine, and that I'm pretty sure uncle would be fine too. Then MIL ranted how this uncle made the effort to attend our wedding. Um, he drove four hours and shared a hotel room with you.

Today, I received an e-mail from MIL expressing, once again, her disappointment. I forwarded to DH and asked him to respond to her from now on about the wedding. I don't think I'll be able to take this for the next 6 months.

Question: Are we wrong not to attend this wedding? Should we suck it up and save the $6000 it will cost us to attend?

[Anonymous]

You are not wrong. If someone is going to have a destination wedding in an expensive place, they don't get to complain if everyone cannot afford it unless they are willing to pick up the tab.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely absurd for you all to go. Don't give it another thought. If MIL calls, immediately hand phone to your DH. If she emails, forward to him. This is his unreasonable mother, his problem.

[Anonymous]

Let DH handle this one
It is cost prohibitive
end of story
I really do not get this when folks get upset about not attending family events
It is just not always feasible
And I say this as someone who had a destination wedding
There were people we love dearly who could not attend
We accept their well-wishes and prayers and there was no fuss
People need to grow up

[Anonymous]

You handled that pretty well. Me on the other hand...

[Anonymous]

I'm probably going to be the only one saying this, but I'd make more of an effort. What kind of destination? Somewhere you could actually make a vacation out of?

I do think mil is overstepping it a bit with her comments. Also, not the most considerate of uncle.

I will say, if you don't go, you sure as hell better not be taking any Disney vacations or anything like that for the next couple of years. If I was uncle and found out about a Disney vacation that year, I'd be really pissed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not wrong. If someone is going to have a destination wedding in an expensive place, they don't get to complain if everyone cannot afford it unless they are willing to pick up the tab.

+ 1

I had a destination wedding and was well aware that not everyone could make it. Don't worry about your MIL and let your husband take care of explaining. Oh and if MIL really wants the kids to go then maybe she'll chip in for the kids travel expenses?

[Anonymous]

OP here. Sure we could make a vacation out of it but we usually don't spend that much money. We usually drive three hours to a beach and rent a house for $2000. We three little kids, simpler is best. And we can't afford Disney right now either. Thanks, though, for your opinion.

If in-laws were willing to help defray the costs and to help with the kids during the wedding week, I would make more of an effort to attend. But as we won't be getting any help (and I completely understand that), it is a very daunting prospect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm probably going to be the only one saying this, but I'd make more of an effort. What kind of destination? Somewhere you could actually make a vacation out of?

I do think mil is overstepping it a bit with her comments. Also, not the most considerate of uncle.

I will say, if you don't go, you sure as hell better not be taking any Disney vacations or anything like that for the next couple of years. If I was uncle and found out about a Disney vacation that year, I'd be really pissed.

You, my friend, sound insane.

My BIL married a few years ago on a remote island, the weekend before Thanksgiving. To get there, guests had to fly to a bigger island and then take some sort of commuter jet to the small island. It was extremely expensive and difficult timing to boot. I did not go. I felt kind of bad about it but not that bad. No way should I be forced to spend thousands to fly to a random island for two days and then immediately come home when those same costs could cover a 10 day trip for our family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm probably going to be the only one saying this, but I'd make more of an effort. What kind of destination? Somewhere you could actually make a vacation out of?

I do think mil is overstepping it a bit with her comments. Also, not the most considerate of uncle.

I will say, if you don't go, you sure as hell better not be taking any Disney vacations or anything like that for the next couple of years. If I was uncle and found out about a Disney vacation that year, I'd be really pissed.

ARe u serious?
I am the destination wedding pp
One of my best friends did not attend my wedding because she had already planned an exotic vacation
HER MONEY, HER LIFE, HER PEROGATIVE
I would be PISSED if someone told me exactly how I had to spend thousands of dollars of my own money.
Maybe I want to save up and spend $5000 on a vacation of MY FAMILY's choice, going where I want, doing what I WANT, for as long as I can afford

[Anonymous]

Your DH has to handle this one. Unless she wants to pay for you and grandchildren to attend, she has nothing to say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your DH has to handle this one. Unless she wants to pay for you and grandchildren to attend, she has nothing to say.

YES!!!!

[Anonymous]

OP, you did good. It's crazy for somebody to assume that anyone would be able to set aside $1000/month for 6 months in order to attend somebody else's fantasy wedding.

Don't get me wrong, I think destination weddings in and of themselves can be quite wonderful. It's the required attendance that I take issue with.

Honestly, it would be difficult for many families to afford to send just the husband to something like this.

[Anonymous]

In fact - I think it would be FINE for your dh to send his regrets as well if it will be a financial burden for your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm probably going to be the only one saying this, but I'd make more of an effort. What kind of destination? Somewhere you could actually make a vacation out of?

I do think mil is overstepping it a bit with her comments. Also, not the most considerate of uncle.

I will say, if you don't go, you sure as hell better not be taking any Disney vacations or anything like that for the next couple of years. If I was uncle and found out about a Disney vacation that year, I'd be really pissed.

ARe u serious?
I am the destination wedding pp
One of my best friends did not attend my wedding because she had already planned an exotic vacation
HER MONEY, HER LIFE, HER PEROGATIVE
I would be PISSED if someone told me exactly how I had to spend thousands of dollars of my own money.
Maybe I want to save up and spend $5000 on a vacation of MY FAMILY's choice, going where I want, doing what I WANT, for as long as I can afford

Bingo.
Can you imagine trying to keep a 5 year old and two 3 years old entertained at a destination wedding? Unless your destination wedding is in DisneyWorld, there's is no way I'm throwing away thousands of dollars to have a miserable time.