What would you make of this interchange between your SIL and husband? (Not sexual)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait...HIS sil or his sister?

Why is he communicating so much with his brothers wife?

His SIL. His older brothers wife.

[Anonymous]

You people are really messed up. All of you.

[Anonymous]

Unless brother and SIL are much older than DH, this is NOT an appropriate exchange. They are tooooooo close. What does BIL think?

[Anonymous]

21:11 here. Ok I just read your updated post.

How do you know nothing is going on beetween them in your husbands mind? A wife should not feel, think, or know that her husband feels another woman is ideal.

Also, a 3rd party should not be THAT much in your business. Besides being horribly invasive, there is something fishy going on.

Why don't you trust him? I don't trust him based off of this post, but there must be some other reason you said that.

[Anonymous]

As a daughter-in-law, and subsequently sister-in-law, niece-in-law, cousin-in-law, etc., to a whole passel of folks, I wouldn't read any subtext into this. Some guys just tend to delegate a lot of extended family stuff to their wives, and then you can't be surprised when those wives kind of get entrenched. Personally, I moved across the country well over a decade ago when I got married and, in a way, my BILs are more brothers to me than my flesh and blood brother is.

Should your husband be more communicative to you? Certainly! And it is a goal he should show progress toward. But in the meantime, at least he's communicating with someone and not just stewing in his own baggage.

I would wait and see what kind of fruit this bears, rather than rushing in with assumptions and possibly breaking trust. Reassess based on whether his behavior to you improves or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here...there's definitely nothing between them. Though I know my H regards her highly and thinks she is THE standard for wives and daughter in laws. She does anything and everything our inlaws say and is very submissive to her husband. I don't play that way.

I do think she is trying to show me support but there's a long history of messed up crap between us. For example, she had bcc'd H on emails between she and I. I was asking her to open up a trip she was planning for her husband to all of us (she had planned it only for her husband and my husband) because H and I were going through a particularly bad spot and had just reunited after being separated. I called her out on it and H reprimanded me in an email to SIL and BIL telling her that she didn't have to answer to me.

Yes, I do read his email because there's a severe lack of trust on my part. He just doesn't treat me like I'm part of his family.

So she is THE wife standard in his mind and they have this intimate correspondence but you are not worried something is going on? I am not saying they are sleeping together but the very idea tha my husband would 1) regularly talk/emal wih his SIL without his brother presence and 2) consider HER a model wife would raise like a thousand alarms in my head. I have been married for almost 20 yrs, btw.

[Anonymous]

I would feel uncomfortable with this, OP, because of the awkward history between SIL and yourself as well as the fact that she is "defending" you without actually talking TO you.
Either she has other plans, or she is clueless in relationships.

Your husband should be talking to you, and to a marriage therapist.

[Anonymous]

It sounds as though the two (probably the trio) have formed a friendship over the years which only strengthened when they (SIL & BIL) had to be there for your husband during a bad spot in your marriage.

Now things are better between you and your husband and you really want to make things work with your marriage but in order to do that you need for dh to turn to you for support instead of BIL/SIL. When he turns to them instead of you it makes you feel like an outsider in your own marriage. I'd say you need to talk to your husband and let him know how your feeling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a daughter-in-law, and subsequently sister-in-law, niece-in-law, cousin-in-law, etc., to a whole passel of folks, I wouldn't read any subtext into this. Some guys just tend to delegate a lot of extended family stuff to their wives, and then you can't be surprised when those wives kind of get entrenched. Personally, I moved across the country well over a decade ago when I got married and, in a way, my BILs are more brothers to me than my flesh and blood brother is.

Should your husband be more communicative to you? Certainly! And it is a goal he should show progress toward. But in the meantime, at least he's communicating with someone and not just stewing in his own baggage.

I would wait and see what kind of fruit this bears, rather than rushing in with assumptions and possibly breaking trust. Reassess based on whether his behavior to you improves or not.

I agree. I don't think the relationship is inappropriate in any way. You can't control who your DH chooses to confide in, nor should you attempt to do so. Your SIL seems to be a friend to your marriage and has spoken up on your behalf.

[Anonymous]

Stop reading his emails. Just stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop reading his emails. Just stop.

Why?

[Anonymous]

May e he asked his brother and SIL for advice on your marriage but since women are better at this kind of thing, maybe she took over. I wouldn't over think it.

[Anonymous]

These private conversations that the OP's dh and SIL are having are crossing some boundaries. At the very least, it's intrusive and presumptuous on the SIL's part to be so involved in another couple's marriage and it's disrespectful of the OP's dh to allow/encourage this intrusion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Too much communication between the wrong people.

+1. Why the heck is he talking to people outside your marriage about people in his marriage?

+ 1. Your husband's communication is disturbing. Your SIL - sounds like she's trying her best to support you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Too much communication between the wrong people.

+1. Why the heck is he talking to people outside your marriage about people in his marriage?

+ 1. Your husband's communication is disturbing. Your SIL - sounds like she's trying her best to support you.

Or she's playing up her role as the ideal sweetie pie wife to make herself look as good as possible to the OP's dh...for whatever reason, for whatever motive. Or she's just well meaning but completely clueless and boundary pushing. Either way, she's being intrusive which isn't very nice and needs to stop if the OP and her husband want their marriage to last...

If OP and her dh stand a chance of making their marriage work, they need to put an end to the intrusive in-law bit.