SO: How do you fit into a poor or primarily minority public school

[AroundTheBlock]

Anonymous wrote:I am a white woman and I went to a majority-black school in middle school. It was very uncomfortable at first...I spent lunch in the bathroom hiding in a stall for the first few weeks of school because I was scared of the lunchroom. The white kids stuck together for sure. Well, the white kids who "acted white" that is. Those who "acted black" hung out with the black kids. I use these phrases in quotes because they were the phrases that were used to describe kids by other kids. There was also "white people music" and "black people music", etc. My first kiss, in the 8th grade, was my black boyfriend. There was not a lot of focus on education among my peers, which had nothing to do with race and everything to do w/socio-economics. It was an environment in which being smart was not cool.

Granted, this was the late 80s in Florida, so things could be completely different here and now.

This is 2013, not 1980. It's very different.

This is Washington DC, not Floria. It's very different.

[Anonymous]

AroundTheBlock wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From reading the the Langley thread we all know that if you are not part of the majority rich your child will be shunned.

What do you do if you are faced with the opposite situation of a poor or primarily minority public school and you are white and more fortunate to have money?

Total bullshit. The posters who say this clearly did not go to the school. The kids there don't care how rich you are. I know. I went there. Kids are not as stuck up as their parents.

Try to stay on topic please this is a different thread you can comment to that OP on the other thread.

[Anonymous]

AroundTheBlock wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a white woman and I went to a majority-black school in middle school. It was very uncomfortable at first...I spent lunch in the bathroom hiding in a stall for the first few weeks of school because I was scared of the lunchroom. The white kids stuck together for sure. Well, the white kids who "acted white" that is. Those who "acted black" hung out with the black kids. I use these phrases in quotes because they were the phrases that were used to describe kids by other kids. There was also "white people music" and "black people music", etc. My first kiss, in the 8th grade, was my black boyfriend. There was not a lot of focus on education among my peers, which had nothing to do with race and everything to do w/socio-economics. It was an environment in which being smart was not cool.

Granted, this was the late 80s in Florida, so things could be completely different here and now.

This is 2013, not 1980. It's very different.

This is Washington DC, not Floria. It's very different.

Please, elaborate. I would love to hear your explanations of how things are so very different in the here and now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I was told (by my kid) that the hispanic kids (when I suggested an overture to them) didn't speak English. They did; they just always switched to spanish when my kid tried to talk to them.

I just want to mention that this is a function of kids wanting to reinforce groups. In my daughter's school, if a non-gymnastic-inclined-kid tries to join the gymnast-kids at recess, the gymnast kids will all start doing gymnastics, even if they had been playing a clapping game. It's not "Hispanic kids are so mean/exclusionary" but rather "people want to reinforce their tribes/their own sense of belonging." If you read any of the "why does every kid in this area belong to a swim team?" you also read parents of children who weren't on the swim team sometimes feeling like their children were excluded.

There are really great reasons for kids to group together and feel like they're part of something. But it can be really hard when you're an outsider. I think in that sense, it's more important to find other ways to group in. I attended a highly (self-)segregated school for a while, and I found it easier to make cross-culture/religion/race friends in music classes than in spaces like the cafeteria. My child connects very well with some of those gymnastics kids in art class. I think looking for other opportunities to connect that allow for emphasizing different traits (music in my case, art in my daughter's) works better than trying to join in to already established tribal-esque groups.

[Anonymous]

I said this on the other thread and I'll say it again here. I firmly believe that kids do best at schools that have some diversity--both racial and socio-economic--and where they will find a decent-sized group of peers that share their same background. If I am a middle-class white kid, a school that's poor and all Hispanic is no better or worse than a school that is rich and all-white.

[Anonymous]

It would be helpful if the posters would name the schools they are referencing....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It would be helpful if the posters would name the schools they are referencing....

Some posters may not want to out themselves. (I know I would not want to.)

[Anonymous]

My kids have never had more than 3 white kids in their class in ES (total of maybe 9-10 per grade). The school is a Title 1 school, so heavily FARMs and we are clearly one of the wealthier families. We have had a wonderful experience there for the past 7 years. Is it hard to communicate with some parents because of a language barrier? Sure. We have gotten around that by sending home a handwritten note inviting the child to a play date. The child can then translate for the parent and the play date moves forward. Kids are kids regardless of skin color or the girth of a wallet. We have met many, many wonderful kids at our school - I would imagine in that regard it's no different than a whiter, wealthier school. Give the school and the kids a chance and be patient and creative and it may just turn out o be a wonderful experience for you as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I said this on the other thread and I'll say it again here. I firmly believe that kids do best at schools that have some diversity--both racial and socio-economic--and where they will find a decent-sized group of peers that share their same background. If I am a middle-class white kid, a school that's poor and all Hispanic is no better or worse than a school that is rich and all-white.

I agree with this and in that sense, my child has had a great experience in a diverse public charter preschool. My child was one of two whites in a classroom of 25, which also included about 8 Hispanic and the rest AA or African immigrant. We have also gotten along quite well with other parents of various races/ethnicities/nationalities/SES status although because people are so spread out playdates just don't happen. My problem has been less with the kids than with the teachers and the administration. Discipline is not consistent (for any of the kids), academic expectations of preschoolers are not realistic, philosophies and classroom management varies wildly from room to room and they do not provide the children with enough opportunities for physical play (especially the boys). I personally don't think that many of the teachers or the support staff have enough experience or training to deal effectively with the school's population and the demands of the high student/teacher ratio. All of those things have led us to pull our child for next year, but I can assure you that being one of a handful of upper middle SES whites is most decidedly NOT a factor. It just has not been an issue, period.

[Anonymous]

^^ To clarify, our school is PS-8, but our experience is limited to preschool for the most part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You go elsewhere.

I feel bad saying it, but it's the reality. Your white, wealthy kid might be ok in PreK, but even by K the other kids will make his life miserable. We had to leave a school that was great on paper, but socially horrible. Some people will remember me posting before, about the kids who invited my five-year-old "get your white ass out of here".

That's terrible.

Does this hold true with just inner city DC or do other races or cultures welcome Caucasians more ( I am thinking maybe the Hispanic population in south arlington and other primarily hispanic areas)

I cannot envision my Hispanic children or their friends saying that to anyone, and have never heard of anyone doing so. Seems more like a black white issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

AroundTheBlock wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From reading the the Langley thread we all know that if you are not part of the majority rich your child will be shunned.

What do you do if you are faced with the opposite situation of a poor or primarily minority public school and you are white and more fortunate to have money?

Total bullshit. The posters who say this clearly did not go to the school. The kids there don't care how rich you are. I know. I went there. Kids are not as stuck up as their parents.

Try to stay on topic please this is a different thread you can comment to that OP on the other thread.

No, OP managed to make this thread about Langley too but asserting her dumb ass conclusions of what "we all know." Too bad she can't read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You go elsewhere.

I feel bad saying it, but it's the reality. Your white, wealthy kid might be ok in PreK, but even by K the other kids will make his life miserable. We had to leave a school that was great on paper, but socially horrible. Some people will remember me posting before, about the kids who invited my five-year-old "get your white ass out of here".

That's terrible.

Does this hold true with just inner city DC or do other races or cultures welcome Caucasians more ( I am thinking maybe the Hispanic population in south arlington and other primarily hispanic areas)

I cannot envision my Hispanic children or their friends saying that to anyone, and have never heard of anyone doing so. Seems more like a black white issue.

Kids parrot what they hear at home. People of all kinds hold bias against others. However, it is ignorant to think that ALL members of a group are like X just because one member does X. If you've met one black person (or white person, or Hispanic person) you've met one black person (or white person, or Hispanic person).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People of all kinds hold bias against others. However, it is ignorant to think that ALL members of a group are like X just because one member does X. If you've met one black person (or white person, or Hispanic person) you've met one black person (or white person, or Hispanic person).

14:21 here adding a +1 to this post. FWIW, my kid's best friend at the school for 3rd grade (and on) is Hispanic.

[Anonymous]

AroundTheBlock wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From reading the the Langley thread we all know that if you are not part of the majority rich your child will be shunned.

What do you do if you are faced with the opposite situation of a poor or primarily minority public school and you are white and more fortunate to have money?

Total bullshit. The posters who say this clearly did not go to the school. The kids there don't care how rich you are. I know. I went there. Kids are not as stuck up as their parents.

It seems there are quite a few other students/teachers/alums on that thread who disagree with you.