SO: How do you fit into a poor or primarily minority public school

[Anonymous]

From the OP's statement, I'm wondering if the parent's prejudice might affect how their kids expect school would be like. If parents tell kids about their worries, they might expect discrimination from other kids and tend to reinforce that when they're not as welcomed immediately.

Personally, I was fresh off the boat and got picked on by white black asian and Hispanic. Kids can be cruel, but you cant protect them from everything.

[Anonymous]

Our school is 40% white and we are getting along just fine. I've found that DD has made friends of every race.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I agree with everything you said completely. I also agree with the PP a few posts earlier who had the two takeaways from this discussion that mean black kids at one school automatically mean all black kids are mean and that poor people have different (read: bad) values than wealthy people. Sad commentary.

Prjeducies can arise from things that are passed down to those with no experience, or from false and general assumptions that are based on limited experience and incomplete knowledge.

There literally was not a single honor roll student at my 10% AA high school. At college, the only black students I knew sold dope, got into vicious fights, or were struggling academically. I went to graduate school and - low and behold - my black classmates were often brilliant. Same in my professional career. I'm not sure how I could have anticipated the later experiences when I was 14 or 19, but it's good things have changed for later generations. It does get better.

[Anonymous]

My kids' ES is about 45% Hispanic, 35% White, 10% Black, rest Asian and other. Definitely a majority minority school but no one group is really dominant. The demographics in each classroom are pretty much the same as the overall demographics and my kids have always had friends from all the groups, although many of their best friends/play dates tend to be with kids from our neighborhood, who participate in the same activities they do like scouts and soccer. A higher percentage of these kids are white, but about a third are minorities.

So anyway I feel like we and they fit in just fine. Parents can communicate via class email groups or use the school directory to look up each others phone number. My kids have learned a lot about other cultures and families and traditions in learning about their classmates and made some great friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids' ES is about 45% Hispanic, 35% White, 10% Black, rest Asian and other. Definitely a majority minority school but no one group is really dominant. The demographics in each classroom are pretty much the same as the overall demographics and my kids have always had friends from all the groups, although many of their best friends/play dates tend to be with kids from our neighborhood, who participate in the same activities they do like scouts and soccer. A higher percentage of these kids are white, but about a third are minorities.

So anyway I feel like we and they fit in just fine. Parents can communicate via class email groups or use the school directory to look up each others phone number. My kids have learned a lot about other cultures and families and traditions in learning about their classmates and made some great friends.

This has been our experience in our school also.

But to be honest, I don't think there is a "fit in" scenario. I think there are distinct groups and it just happens. As my child gets older, I am less and less inclinded to push her towards diversifying her friendships for the sake of diversity. She is going into 4th and the difference in attitudes between the groups of families at the school is obvious. Basically what happens is the smart hispanic and black kids gravitate to the white kids after a while. This is what I have observed in our school and I am not saying it is true for every school. Hispanic parents value education and really want their kids to finish high school and maybe some even think of college. But limited experience and time in this country often leads to them believing many jobs that are still lower paying are "professsional" such as dental assistant, CNA, receptionist. They want their kids to not do manual labor and see working in an office setting as a "professional job". I have often heard the Hispanic teens in our high school say they are going to continue with "school" after they graduate and they are referring to some kind of certificate or trade not college. There is little emphasis on extra curricular activities and low participation. Black parents stress the importance of education by saying they believe in it and paying lip service to their kids doing well but their never seems to be much true emphasis. The same mom who says that her kids need to do well in school will say in the next sentence their kid plays hours of video games a day. It is highly stressed that kids need to graduate from high school but there doesn't seem to be much expectation after that as to what kids should do. Extra curriculars are more important and there is moderate participation. White parents expect their kids to get perfect grades, do well, go to college. There is no discussion of graduating high school because it's a given. Extra curricular activites are important and this is high participation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids' ES is about 45% Hispanic, 35% White, 10% Black, rest Asian and other. Definitely a majority minority school but no one group is really dominant. The demographics in each classroom are pretty much the same as the overall demographics and my kids have always had friends from all the groups, although many of their best friends/play dates tend to be with kids from our neighborhood, who participate in the same activities they do like scouts and soccer. A higher percentage of these kids are white, but about a third are minorities.

So anyway I feel like we and they fit in just fine. Parents can communicate via class email groups or use the school directory to look up each others phone number. My kids have learned a lot about other cultures and families and traditions in learning about their classmates and made some great friends.

This has been our experience in our school also.

But to be honest, I don't think there is a "fit in" scenario. I think there are distinct groups and it just happens. As my child gets older, I am less and less inclinded to push her towards diversifying her friendships for the sake of diversity. She is going into 4th and the difference in attitudes between the groups of families at the school is obvious. Basically what happens is the smart hispanic and black kids gravitate to the white kids after a while. This is what I have observed in our school and I am not saying it is true for every school. Hispanic parents value education and really want their kids to finish high school and maybe some even think of college. But limited experience and time in this country often leads to them believing many jobs that are still lower paying are "professsional" such as dental assistant, CNA, receptionist. They want their kids to not do manual labor and see working in an office setting as a "professional job". I have often heard the Hispanic teens in our high school say they are going to continue with "school" after they graduate and they are referring to some kind of certificate or trade not college. There is little emphasis on extra curricular activities and low participation. Black parents stress the importance of education by saying they believe in it and paying lip service to their kids doing well but their never seems to be much true emphasis. The same mom who says that her kids need to do well in school will say in the next sentence their kid plays hours of video games a day. It is highly stressed that kids need to graduate from high school but there doesn't seem to be much expectation after that as to what kids should do. Extra curriculars are more important and there is moderate participation. White parents expect their kids to get perfect grades, do well, go to college. There is no discussion of graduating high school because it's a given. Extra curricular activites are important and this is high participation.

HOLY S&*&

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids' ES is about 45% Hispanic, 35% White, 10% Black, rest Asian and other. Definitely a majority minority school but no one group is really dominant. The demographics in each classroom are pretty much the same as the overall demographics and my kids have always had friends from all the groups, although many of their best friends/play dates tend to be with kids from our neighborhood, who participate in the same activities they do like scouts and soccer. A higher percentage of these kids are white, but about a third are minorities.

So anyway I feel like we and they fit in just fine. Parents can communicate via class email groups or use the school directory to look up each others phone number. My kids have learned a lot about other cultures and families and traditions in learning about their classmates and made some great friends.

This has been our experience in our school also.

But to be honest, I don't think there is a "fit in" scenario. I think there are distinct groups and it just happens. As my child gets older, I am less and less inclinded to push her towards diversifying her friendships for the sake of diversity. She is going into 4th and the difference in attitudes between the groups of families at the school is obvious. Basically what happens is the smart hispanic and black kids gravitate to the white kids after a while. This is what I have observed in our school and I am not saying it is true for every school. Hispanic parents value education and really want their kids to finish high school and maybe some even think of college. But limited experience and time in this country often leads to them believing many jobs that are still lower paying are "professsional" such as dental assistant, CNA, receptionist. They want their kids to not do manual labor and see working in an office setting as a "professional job". I have often heard the Hispanic teens in our high school say they are going to continue with "school" after they graduate and they are referring to some kind of certificate or trade not college. There is little emphasis on extra curricular activities and low participation. Black parents stress the importance of education by saying they believe in it and paying lip service to their kids doing well but their never seems to be much true emphasis. The same mom who says that her kids need to do well in school will say in the next sentence their kid plays hours of video games a day. It is highly stressed that kids need to graduate from high school but there doesn't seem to be much expectation after that as to what kids should do. Extra curriculars are more important and there is moderate participation. White parents expect their kids to get perfect grades, do well, go to college. There is no discussion of graduating high school because it's a given. Extra curricular activites are important and this is high participation.

HOLY S&*&

Um Wow for sure....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids' ES is about 45% Hispanic, 35% White, 10% Black, rest Asian and other. Definitely a majority minority school but no one group is really dominant. The demographics in each classroom are pretty much the same as the overall demographics and my kids have always had friends from all the groups, although many of their best friends/play dates tend to be with kids from our neighborhood, who participate in the same activities they do like scouts and soccer. A higher percentage of these kids are white, but about a third are minorities.

So anyway I feel like we and they fit in just fine. Parents can communicate via class email groups or use the school directory to look up each others phone number. My kids have learned a lot about other cultures and families and traditions in learning about their classmates and made some great friends.

This has been our experience in our school also.

But to be honest, I don't think there is a "fit in" scenario. I think there are distinct groups and it just happens. As my child gets older, I am less and less inclinded to push her towards diversifying her friendships for the sake of diversity. She is going into 4th and the difference in attitudes between the groups of families at the school is obvious. Basically what happens is the smart hispanic and black kids gravitate to the white kids after a while. This is what I have observed in our school and I am not saying it is true for every school. Hispanic parents value education and really want their kids to finish high school and maybe some even think of college. But limited experience and time in this country often leads to them believing many jobs that are still lower paying are "professsional" such as dental assistant, CNA, receptionist. They want their kids to not do manual labor and see working in an office setting as a "professional job". I have often heard the Hispanic teens in our high school say they are going to continue with "school" after they graduate and they are referring to some kind of certificate or trade not college. There is little emphasis on extra curricular activities and low participation. Black parents stress the importance of education by saying they believe in it and paying lip service to their kids doing well but their never seems to be much true emphasis. The same mom who says that her kids need to do well in school will say in the next sentence their kid plays hours of video games a day. It is highly stressed that kids need to graduate from high school but there doesn't seem to be much expectation after that as to what kids should do. Extra curriculars are more important and there is moderate participation. White parents expect their kids to get perfect grades, do well, go to college. There is no discussion of graduating high school because it's a given. Extra curricular activites are important and this is high participation.

THis is very honest, a little bit over-generalized but honest. I am so happy someone is saying this! How about Asian kids? Their parents only care about tests and grades. Graduating college is also a given in that group, but extracurriculars, well, if you count Kumon Math classes. Do Jewish people even send their kids to minority majority schools?

[Anonymous]

One thing seems a trend to me (as an upper middle income non-white person), it's liberal guilt whites who seem to see 'value' in sending their kids to majority or near- majority low income schools. I think you'd be hard pressed to find upper middle income minority families attempting the same thing. I think the only thing such an attempt would do to my little brown kid is reinforce the already pervasive notion that brown means to be poor and uneducated. I think it is important to empathize and try to alleviate poverty,speaking as someone with ample prior exposure to poverty both personally and professionally. What I don't understand is the desire of certain rich white folk to emulate it in their children's educations.

[Anonymous]

To 21:17 - I appreciate your honesty. I've heard similar comments from other minority folks as well. Specifically: when we lived in SS in a Title 1 school district and new neighbors moved in (they were AA; military family from out of state), they asked about the neighborhood school, met with the principal, etc. The mom told me that they couldn't send their kids there because there were too many poor, minority families (I'm white, and was caught off guard by her comment). She said they preferred to send their kids to schools with more affluent families (and for the record, these weren't wealthy people...navy nurses).

[Anonymous]

And in follow up to 21:17 - people in crummy school districts in the close-in burbs are there because they aren't willing to deal with a longer commute and can't afford areas like CC, Bethesda, or K-town. They say they are there by choice and fir diversity, but that's usually a lie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids' ES is about 45% Hispanic, 35% White, 10% Black, rest Asian and other. Definitely a majority minority school but no one group is really dominant. The demographics in each classroom are pretty much the same as the overall demographics and my kids have always had friends from all the groups, although many of their best friends/play dates tend to be with kids from our neighborhood, who participate in the same activities they do like scouts and soccer. A higher percentage of these kids are white, but about a third are minorities.

So anyway I feel like we and they fit in just fine. Parents can communicate via class email groups or use the school directory to look up each others phone number. My kids have learned a lot about other cultures and families and traditions in learning about their classmates and made some great friends.

This has been our experience in our school also.

But to be honest, I don't think there is a "fit in" scenario. I think there are distinct groups and it just happens. As my child gets older, I am less and less inclinded to push her towards diversifying her friendships for the sake of diversity. She is going into 4th and the difference in attitudes between the groups of families at the school is obvious. Basically what happens is the smart hispanic and black kids gravitate to the white kids after a while. This is what I have observed in our school and I am not saying it is true for every school. Hispanic parents value education and really want their kids to finish high school and maybe some even think of college. But limited experience and time in this country often leads to them believing many jobs that are still lower paying are "professsional" such as dental assistant, CNA, receptionist. They want their kids to not do manual labor and see working in an office setting as a "professional job". I have often heard the Hispanic teens in our high school say they are going to continue with "school" after they graduate and they are referring to some kind of certificate or trade not college. There is little emphasis on extra curricular activities and low participation. Black parents stress the importance of education by saying they believe in it and paying lip service to their kids doing well but their never seems to be much true emphasis. The same mom who says that her kids need to do well in school will say in the next sentence their kid plays hours of video games a day. It is highly stressed that kids need to graduate from high school but there doesn't seem to be much expectation after that as to what kids should do. Extra curriculars are more important and there is moderate participation. White parents expect their kids to get perfect grades, do well, go to college. There is no discussion of graduating high school because it's a given. Extra curricular activites are important and this is high participation.

HOLY S&*&

Um Wow for sure....

I know - the truth - as opposed to what you wanted to hear "oh, everyone gets a long so well! It's great! My kid has friends from every race. She routinely goes to little Esmerelda's house and eats homemade empandas! I am soooo lucky she is getting so much diversity! Every parent - no matter how busy or income level - is super invested in their child's education and is thinking Harvard of course. They all participate in the PTA too!"

there is that better?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

THis is very honest, a little bit over-generalized but honest. I am so happy someone is saying this! How about Asian kids? Their parents only care about tests and grades. Graduating college is also a given in that group, but extracurriculars, well, if you count Kumon Math classes. Do Jewish people even send their kids to minority majority schools?

Are there any more stereotypes you'd like to bring up, while you're at it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One thing seems a trend to me (as an upper middle income non-white person), it's liberal guilt whites who seem to see 'value' in sending their kids to majority or near- majority low income schools. I think you'd be hard pressed to find upper middle income minority families attempting the same thing. I think the only thing such an attempt would do to my little brown kid is reinforce the already pervasive notion that brown means to be poor and uneducated. I think it is important to empathize and try to alleviate poverty,speaking as someone with ample prior exposure to poverty both personally and professionally. What I don't understand is the desire of certain rich white folk to emulate it in their children's educations.

+1

Totally agree!

[Anonymous]

I went to a lily-white private (that was classist, status-compulsive, and not academically challenging) and then a majority-minority public HS in NYC in the 70s. I preferred the latter vastly. Give the minority kids a chance. I'm doing so with our DC, at a 50/50 city public, and it's terrific (even academically).