14 year old DD has no friends

[Anonymous]

Sleep away campy or a teen travel program could be great. Check out Rustic Pathways or Overland. Both are excellent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Send her to sleep away camp. There are tons of great ones out there and it teaches you to handle friendships are your own. I went to an all girls camp for 8 years and it really eloped my social skills.

Ugh, no. As a socially awkward girl, sleep away camp was torture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's only two weeks. Maybe she's an introvert. Maybe the girls you view as her friends are smoking weed or doing things with boys she's not comfortable with. Stop pushing.

Maybe she just hasn't found "her people" yet.

this.

My nephew is 17 and a lot like this. He has pretty much always been alone but not in the akward sense. He prefers being home. He is perfectly normal with family and his cousins etc. His mother would keep bugging him about going out and making friends etc. Finally, he told her he doesnt want to hang out with a bunch of guys (or douchebags, as he called them) that go around playing girls, having sex, doing drugs and getting drunk. After that his mother nvr bugged him again.

The way I see it, take it as a compliment if your teenage child wants to stay at home or wants to hang out with you. I would rather have my teenager stay at home then be with the wrong crowd of people.

PP is right, perhaps your daughter just hasnt clicked with anyone yet. Maybe she will in college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:that's a good point about sports being mostly popular outgoing girls. She isn't one of them! I think what is troubling for me is that she isn't forming any tight friendships - she make no effort so it isn't like she is getting left out per sec. Part of me thinks that she doesn't care but i suspect that it is the opposite and she is deeply hurt but doesn't know how to get out of the rut she is in.

Yes, and this is why she gets moody when you bring up doing stuff with friends. She knows she doesn't have friends, you know she doesn't have friends, and bringing it up (though you think it helps) just rubs that in.

She might just be a late bloomer and really start making friends in high school. There's not much you can do FOR her at this point. She has to make them on her own. It's not like when they're little and you can make them be friends by virtue of just making them play together all the time.

[Anonymous]

How about inviting one of her friends over at a time on different days to break up the two weeks? To said that she has a few (does she have maybe three close friends, even if they don't get along with each other?) I know that I had one close friend in 8th grade who could just come over and talk and we could have a great day walking around, talking, and not planning anything, just being girls. Maybe that would be great for her. If she has three friends like that even if they aren't all on the same day, would that be okay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about inviting one of her friends over at a time on different days to break up the two weeks? To said that she has a few (does she have maybe three close friends, even if they don't get along with each other?) I know that I had one close friend in 8th grade who could just come over and talk and we could have a great day walking around, talking, and not planning anything, just being girls. Maybe that would be great for her. If she has three friends like that even if they aren't all on the same day, would that be okay?

PP, how old are your kids. You don't invite friends over for a 14 yr old. A 14 yr old initiates get togethers and does the calling/texting themselves. You can suggest it but they do it.

[Anonymous]

I was like that, and perfectly happy to be by myself. I didn't crave more social interaction outside of school until 16 or 17.

I did always work or volunteer though. That does help keep social skills current and help her learn new ones. I volunteered at a library several summers in middle and early high school, shelving and mending books. I was with a bunch of 60 year old women, but at least I was out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was like that, and perfectly happy to be by myself. I didn't crave more social interaction outside of school until 16 or 17.

I did always work or volunteer though. That does help keep social skills current and help her learn new ones. I volunteered at a library several summers in middle and early high school, shelving and mending books. I was with a bunch of 60 year old women, but at least I was out there.

Also, that was the age where many of my friends started doing stuff I didn't feel comfortable with. Sex, drinking, smoking. Maybe she's facing something similar. It was definitely an age of social adjustment.

[Anonymous]

sleep away camps= bad idea

spend time with your child, dont send her away!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:sleep away camps= bad idea

spend time with your child, dont send her away!

10:05 here. This is a good idea if she's not mortally embarrassed to be with her mother. You could take her for some more grown up stuff. Mani/pedi at upscale salon, art exhibits, day trips, concerts at the Strathmore, or sporting events. Whatever might pique her interest and that she doesn't otherwise do on a regular basis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about inviting one of her friends over at a time on different days to break up the two weeks? To said that she has a few (does she have maybe three close friends, even if they don't get along with each other?) I know that I had one close friend in 8th grade who could just come over and talk and we could have a great day walking around, talking, and not planning anything, just being girls. Maybe that would be great for her. If she has three friends like that even if they aren't all on the same day, would that be okay?

PP, how old are your kids. You don't invite friends over for a 14 yr old. A 14 yr old initiates get togethers and does the calling/texting themselves. You can suggest it but they do it.

I don't think the PP was suggesting the mom call up one of her friends. Suggesting a one-on-one get together was implied. Stop being so literal.

[Anonymous]

What about activities with other families -- family friends? Friends where the kids have known each other for along time? We have lots of friends like this and the kids may be a little younger or whatever but it doesn't matter. At least it's a fun social activity for everyone. Do you belong to a church/synagogue or summer pool, etc.? j

If you say no, then you are probably an introvert as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about activities with other families -- family friends? Friends where the kids have known each other for along time? We have lots of friends like this and the kids may be a little younger or whatever but it doesn't matter. At least it's a fun social activity for everyone. Do you belong to a church/synagogue or summer pool, etc.? j

If you say no, then you are probably an introvert as well.

Not helpful! Stop using "introvert" like it's an insult or a character flaw.

[Anonymous]

If she's simply an introvert and a homebody, then there's nothing wrong with that. Support her in developing hobbies she enjoys, whether it's reading, or cooking, or following a certain TV series. For many introverted kids, a few weeks to themselves to destress and reenergize after school.

On the other hand, if she's like my kid, sweet and shy but extroverted, we've found volunteering and other structured activities to be a great choice. He's the same age and likes being with other kids, and working together towards a goal. He's not passionate about one thing, so we've cobbled together a summer that's a little of this and a little of that, with at least one thing every day, often half day things so he still has time to sleep in or play with the dog.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she's simply an introvert and a homebody, then there's nothing wrong with that. Support her in developing hobbies she enjoys, whether it's reading, or cooking, or following a certain TV series. For many introverted kids, a few weeks to themselves to destress and reenergize after school.

On the other hand, if she's like my kid, sweet and shy but extroverted, we've found volunteering and other structured activities to be a great choice. He's the same age and likes being with other kids, and working together towards a goal. He's not passionate about one thing, so we've cobbled together a summer that's a little of this and a little of that, with at least one thing every day, often half day things so he still has time to sleep in or play with the dog.

exactly what i was saying earlier. Parents should be relieved that their kid rather stay home.