MIL complains about us to her friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1) Take a screen shot of the comment.

2) Delete it.

3) Check your privacy settings so everything is friends only. Unfriend MIL's friend if she is friends with you, but not before...

3) Send a private message to MIL's friend to the effect of "Really? You think second-hand snarking on my Facebook page is mature or appropriate or going to make me feel more warmly towards my MIL? MIL may complain about DH's and my parenting decisions, which are ours to make, but airing them in this way does no good to anyone. I hope you think twice about pulling such an immature stunt again."

4) Talk to DH first, but I'd be in favor of sending the screenshot to MIL with a short note, simply asking that she respect your parenting choices. That note could come directly from DH (probably best) or from you with him cc'ed. Add that you recognize she can't control her friend's behavior, but if MIL is complaining about you to such a degree that her friend thinks that reaction is appropriate, you have a problem. Tell her you'd be happy to have a more open relationship with her (if this is true), but this isn't the way to go about having one.

Again, this is totally OVERKILL unless it is indicative of other MIL issues where she does not take safety seriously. She gave your kid a ton of icing to eat-- yes this is gross, but isn't this what grandparents do? It's not exactly on par with the worst of grandparent offenses. Then she complains to a friend (as we all do about our ILs) and her stupid friend wrote on your wall (which is NOT your MIL's fault).

I woudn't invest anything in confronting the "friend" unless you have frequent dealings with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) Take a screen shot of the comment.

2) Delete it.

3) Check your privacy settings so everything is friends only. Unfriend MIL's friend if she is friends with you, but not before...

3) Send a private message to MIL's friend to the effect of "Really? You think second-hand snarking on my Facebook page is mature or appropriate or going to make me feel more warmly towards my MIL? MIL may complain about DH's and my parenting decisions, which are ours to make, but airing them in this way does no good to anyone. I hope you think twice about pulling such an immature stunt again."

4) Talk to DH first, but I'd be in favor of sending the screenshot to MIL with a short note, simply asking that she respect your parenting choices. That note could come directly from DH (probably best) or from you with him cc'ed. Add that you recognize she can't control her friend's behavior, but if MIL is complaining about you to such a degree that her friend thinks that reaction is appropriate, you have a problem. Tell her you'd be happy to have a more open relationship with her (if this is true), but this isn't the way to go about having one.

Fuel to the fire.

Nothing is more satisfying -- and infuriating to the offending party -- than cool indifference.
Ignore ignore ignore

+10000

It's ridiculous and immature to get into a war online, esp FB. I swear, FB turns grown people into tweens. Just let it go.

[Anonymous]

Ignore the post. Do not stoop to level of your MIL or her tacky friend. Just delete the post from your FB timeline and change your privacy settings and move on.

I can't imagine how infuriating this must have been, but it is not worth spending any more time on it.

[Anonymous]

I agree, just ignore it. It's not that big a deal. I'd just block the friend, and even your MIL if you feel like it.

[Anonymous]

Op I don't know how old your DC is but a little frosting won't hurt anyone. Micromanaging your MIL will hurt lots of relationships. You need to let MIL break rules sometimes as long as everyone stays safe.

[Anonymous]

Oh, the irony.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Ha, yes I do see the irony of the situation. But I would like to add that my MIL is a very nice person overall and we get along well. I'm mostly annoyed that her friend would stick her nose into it. DH chaulked it up to "old people are mean and don't know how to use FB".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op I don't know how old your DC is but a little frosting won't hurt anyone. Micromanaging your MIL will hurt lots of relationships. You need to let MIL break rules sometimes as long as everyone stays safe.

I don't know, I don't think it's cool to load up someone else's kid on sugar when you're not the one that has to deal with the fallout afterwards.

[Anonymous]

I would let it go....talk to dh, and make him bring it up.

I have interfering inlaws to, who will order my 3 yr old a framing can of coke at restaurants even when I say no. Luckily dd doesn't defy me and won't sip it, even tho grandma is egging her on. Just had my second baby 2 weeks ago and grandma is vehemently against me nursing and only believes in formula. She enrages me. Calls my mom and me non stop to make sure dc is getting formula and not breast milk!!!, I lie and say yes and go about my business. Dh travels too much to navigate it all, but I make him handle situations that are to his kids benefit, ie no soft drinks, we are nursing, tell ur mom to get over it.

But, apart from them overstepping with my kids they love them and men well, and if I said something the situation would become too sensitive....I want the kids not to feel the tension, so I let it go, but don't give on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Ha, yes I do see the irony of the situation. But I would like to add that my MIL is a very nice person overall and we get along well. I'm mostly annoyed that her friend would stick her nose into it. DH chaulked it up to "old people are mean and don't know how to use FB".

Sounds like you worked it out! And DH is right on this one.

[Anonymous]

I would delete the comment from FB and then forget it.

I would avoid getting into a FB war, but I would also not want the comment on my page.

I'm not sure how I'd take it up with the MIL, but I probably wouldn't leave the kid with her any time soon. I think boundaries need to be set.

[Anonymous]

It's true OP that you and your DC are what your MIL talks to her friends about, there's no way around it.

My MOM apparently had told her friends about my fertility issues. When I finally, after a long time trying and a lot of painful years, brought my bouncing healthy baby boy down to see her, I was so excited. We went to meet her Tuesday morning coffee group and I get hit with "I'm so glad you finally had this baby. Your mother has been waiting so long after all of those miscarriages you had."

You could've knocked me over. This past holiday when I was with my mom, and we got into a fight about her not being supportive, I finally brought it up. But that hurt me so much to have my losses mentioned to me in such a casual way by a total stranger.

I now, of course, don't tell my mom very much at all. And we told her that FB gave her computer a virus so she deleted her account.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I'd just respond to the FB posting with "Good thing she won't ever be visiting you..." and leave it at that. Sends a msg to MIL and nasty old biddy all at once.

I would do this, and then I would change my privacy settings so that strangers cannot see or write on my wall.

Yep. This is what I would do as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's true OP that you and your DC are what your MIL talks to her friends about, there's no way around it.

My MOM apparently had told her friends about my fertility issues. When I finally, after a long time trying and a lot of painful years, brought my bouncing healthy baby boy down to see her, I was so excited. We went to meet her Tuesday morning coffee group and I get hit with "I'm so glad you finally had this baby. Your mother has been waiting so long after all of those miscarriages you had."

You could've knocked me over. This past holiday when I was with my mom, and we got into a fight about her not being supportive, I finally brought it up. But that hurt me so much to have my losses mentioned to me in such a casual way by a total stranger.

I now, of course, don't tell my mom very much at all. And we told her that FB gave her computer a virus so she deleted her account.

This was a shitty thing of the friend to say...but was it really so unreasonable for your mom to have shared her feelings with her friends?? Don't you talk to your friends about your parents, your ILs?

[Anonymous]

This was a shitty thing of the friend to say...but was it really so unreasonable for your mom to have shared her feelings with her friends?? Don't you talk to your friends about your parents, your ILs?

Seriously? It was super shitty of her to share my PRIVATE medical information with her friends, yes.