Would you say I am poor?
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Anonymous
| I am so sorry you lost your brother. |
Anonymous
Thank you. I'm in shock and feel like a robot dealing with these things. |
Anonymous
| Your SIL family doesn't give a shit about the kid. They want they money that was left him for college. The battle isn't about you being poor (you're not) its about you getting access to money that they want. |
Anonymous
OP said they were rich. |
Anonymous
Actually I don't know their financial situation -- but I will if this becomes a legal battle. All I know is they want to prove that I am poor and unfit to take care of their grandson. I don't think they're very wealthy since they don't know English, but that's just an assumption on my part. SIL went to boarding school but it seemed like a lot of Swiss do that, and the govt pays for it. |
Anonymous
| Who is caring for the boy now? |
Anonymous
Just wanted to echo this. I am so sorry for your family's loss. Would also 2nd the PP who mentioned the Swiss family being in pain too. I'm sure it's hard, but please try to not let your grief be redirected into anger at them, at least not lasting anger, as down the road it really is the best thing for your nephew to have as many people as possible in his life to love him And bless you for being willing to love and raise this child as your own. The thought of leaving my kids without someone who loves them like I do guts me, and your brother and SIL were truly lucky to have you to step in and love their son. |
Anonymous
| Could you let the boy spend summers in Switzerland with the grandparents? They shouldn't get legal custody, but an offer like this would probably go a long way toward allaying their fears that they won't have a connection to their grandchild and will lose the link to their daughter. If you approach (through the mediator) the situation as one where you are trying to solve the problem of connection, they may change their tune on custody. |
Anonymous
| OP, are your parents still alive? |
Anonymous
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Oh my gosh, I am so sorry for your loss.
No, you are not even close to poor. I wish you the best with your nephew. I hope that you prevail to fulfill your brither's wishes. |
Anonymous
I think this is a terribly ungenerous view. Like someone said upthread, these people just lost their daughter in what I assume was an accident, since it took OP's brother too. They are grieving and that makes people do terrible things sometimes. I highly doubt they're trying to be hurtful or taking on the burden of raising a 2 year old for his college fund. They are scrabbling for any tie to their daughter. I feel sorry for everyone in this situation, I can't even imagine how hard it is all around. These are probably normally very decent people who are grief stricken at the loss of their daughter and fearful that they will lose any relationship with their grandson if he is raised by the other side of the family. OP, if you are designated in the will as who they choose to raise their child, it's unlikely the grandparents will be able to seriously challenge that, especially since you sound stable and have the baby's best interests at heart. But I do think maintaining compassion even when they make things difficult will do you a world of good. They will come out of this fog one day. |
Anonymous
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I too am sorry for what you are going through OP. I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you, and for your sister-in-laws parents. I am sure there are reasons why your brother and sister-in-law choose you as their son's guardian (age, location, etc) and you must have faith in belief that they chose you b/c they believe you will be the best provider- emotionally, physically, financialy- than anyone else.
As for income, I am a single mother with about the same income/retirement (just no mortgage or student loan debt). I have no problem financially raising my son in this area all on my own; I am able to go out for dinners, take 1-2 vacations per year (usually 1 abroad), and can afford my son's expensive sport. So though I know it's hard, don't worry about the money aspect of it; that will sort itself out. Just worry about you and your nephew. Thinking good things for you both.... |
Anonymous
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DO NOT TAKE WHAT YOU READ ON DCUM AS AN INDICATION OF THE IMPOSSIBILITY OF RAISING KIDS IN THIS AREA.
You are not poor and I pray your sibling and his wife had an iron-clad will as well as guardianship papers. The fact that both of your nephew's parents WANTED YOU as his guardian speaks volumes. Hope you have a good lawyer...and think long and hard about giving the grands visitation IN SWITZERLAND...you would likely not see the child again. If they think they are rich ..let them come here Good Luck. |
Anonymous
As someone with family in contentious custody fight, I would really fight to have visits in the US or supervised with you in Switzerland only. I agree that the family is grieving, but they are strangers. I think you should agree to make regular trips with your kid to Switzerland, so he can get to know his mother's side. It never hurts to have as many people as possible love your child. You are not poor. I do think you might consider using some of the money to put yourself in the best possible location for him if you need to. It sounds like you might need to refi your leased property. Go to a financial planner and come up with a plan. Get advisers you trust. These outcomes will last a lifetime. Good luck and best wishes! |
Anonymous
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What does the will actually say re who is the designated legal guardian? Where did the deceased parents reside? If VA, and they died without designated a guardian, and the parents died together, VA treats the husband as dying first, wife inheriting everything, then wife dies, hiers inherit, So as far as guardianship of the children, when parents die together an argument can be made the wife's wishes superceed because she died last. SIL parents could under this loophole claim SILs wishes trump and SIL wanted her own family, this is VA.
What is in writing re your nephew? People do crazy things around death. SILs family is suffering as well. There aren't enough facts here. But if your only question is can you raise a kid DC area with your financials, answer is yes, |