Would you say I am poor?

[Anonymous]

PP, this is the first helpful post here, as it actually goes to the law, and the wishes in the will, not just a lot of speculation as to intent and who is bad or good here. As you say, there are a lot of issues. First, the child is a US citizen, moving him out of the country may involve international issues that are not normally encountered in such a situation. While the OP may make the case that she is qualified to be a good parent, that does not necessarily make her the best option. The grandparents may have a loving home, two parents, ample resources, and a wonderful environment for raising a child. Their motives may be entirely genuine and in the best interest of the child.

OP, how do you "know" that your brother and sister in law's wishes were?

Finally, I am surprised OP has not provided more factual information (will details, for example) given she is a lawyer. Why have you not researched the law in this area before going to an anonymous board for advice on such a complex legal issue?

[Anonymous]

If you are poor, they will have to invent an entirely new category for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, this is the first helpful post here, as it actually goes to the law, and the wishes in the will, not just a lot of speculation as to intent and who is bad or good here. As you say, there are a lot of issues. First, the child is a US citizen, moving him out of the country may involve international issues that are not normally encountered in such a situation. While the OP may make the case that she is qualified to be a good parent, that does not necessarily make her the best option. The grandparents may have a loving home, two parents, ample resources, and a wonderful environment for raising a child. Their motives may be entirely genuine and in the best interest of the child.

OP, how do you "know" that your brother and sister in law's wishes were?

Finally, I am surprised OP has not provided more factual information (will details, for example) given she is a lawyer. Why have you not researched the law in this area before going to an anonymous board for advice on such a complex legal issue?

Sorry I sound a little terse, I'm under a lot of stress...I know ya'll are trying to help -- thank you.

Given that I am a lawyer, I do not look for internet forums for legal advice. I asked about how my income or lack thereof would be perceived to gauge how it would look a jury of peers should the case go to trial. I appreciate everyone's advice and sympathy but I am specifically not looking for legal help. Various theories/tips are interesting and helpful, but I will not be providing more legally relevant facts. Thanks for understanding.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm a single parent and I'm raising my 4yo on $57k in the city. We live in a 2bd apt, don't own a car, dc attends a charter school and only does one activity at a time. I have no debt, $10K in retirement and am able to take 2 trips (to see family in FL and NC) each year. I have enough for weekly yoga and babysitters twice a month for myself too. My child is lacking for nothing. I'm lacking for nothing. Nothing that really matters anyway!

It gets tough sometimes, but it is absolutely doable on your income. I would not consider you poor by any measure.

I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you're able to reach an understating with SILs family, as custody battles are so hard (mine took 18mo) and your nephew needs stability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm a single parent and I'm raising my 4yo on $57k in the city. We live in a 2bd apt, don't own a car, dc attends a charter school and only does one activity at a time. I have no debt, $10K in retirement and am able to take 2 trips (to see family in FL and NC) each year. I have enough for weekly yoga and babysitters twice a month for myself too. My child is lacking for nothing. I'm lacking for nothing. Nothing that really matters anyway!

It gets tough sometimes, but it is absolutely doable on your income. I would not consider you poor by any measure.

I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you're able to reach an understating with SILs family, as custody battles are so hard (mine took 18mo) and your nephew needs stability.

thank you this is extremely helpful. it all seems so daunting. but you make it look easy and inspire me to do it myself

Thank you.this

[Anonymous]

Raising a 3yo in DC on 68k. Was making 55k when she was born. I save a little for college, 15% for retirement, dine out, and travel domestically and internationally each year. Daycare costs ate my emergency fund, but I'm finally building it back up again. We're also at a DC charter. Your nephew can attend a charter this Fall if he's turning 3 by Sept 30. Apply now, because many schools will have lotteries soon. DCPS has already had their lottery.

Sorry to hear about the loss of your brother and sister in law.

PP is a douche for challenging your credentials as a lawyer. This is PERSONAL, not business, for you and you have alot to sort through. Also, given that your nephew just lost his parents, you are probably the next parent-like figure for him. His moving to Switzerland would flip his world upside down for the second time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Raising a 3yo in DC on 68k. Was making 55k when she was born. I save a little for college, 15% for retirement, dine out, and travel domestically and internationally each year. Daycare costs ate my emergency fund, but I'm finally building it back up again. We're also at a DC charter. Your nephew can attend a charter this Fall if he's turning 3 by Sept 30. Apply now, because many schools will have lotteries soon. DCPS has already had their lottery.

Sorry to hear about the loss of your brother and sister in law.

PP is a douche for challenging your credentials as a lawyer. This is PERSONAL, not business, for you and you have alot to sort through. Also, given that your nephew just lost his parents, you are probably the next parent-like figure for him. His moving to Switzerland would flip his world upside down for the second time.

This is PP. I did not "challenge her credentials as a lawyer". I simply stated it was surprising that this thead was evolving into a discussion of the law, and an ensuing custody battle, and the OP, a lawyer, did not provide the most basic facts relevant to the case (details of the will for example) that would benefit the discussion. Furthermore, her questions regarding finances can also be evaluated by reviewing similar cases in family court, or statute, or the state's defintion of "financial capability" as defined under the law of the relevant jurisdiction (one that was never even provided by the OP by the way). Rather, it seemed odd to me that OP, a trained attorney, would solicit a random anonymous opinions as to what constitutions sufficient financial resources under the law, when those offering advice here have no idea of how the legal system defines this, or how it will be evaluated relative the deceased parents' wishes, or compared to the other party's resources seeking custody.

Nothing personal, just say'n.

[Anonymous]

Switzerland is a wonderful place to grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Switzerland is a wonderful place to grow up.

Agree. I miss it so much. I'd send my kids to Aiglon but I can't afford $100K per kid per year.

[Anonymous]

How old are the grandparents?
I would assume a good relative of the 'right' age and ability to raise a kid would be a good candidate.

You are single, so an aunt/uncle who is married might be 'viewed' as more stable. (2 parent household).

Does the kid have dual citizenship? Are you raising him in the town/suburb where he was living or did he already move cross country to be with you?
Did he have to switch day cares or care givers, preshool etc?
Is he bilingual? If he is, are you able to maintain that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, this is the first helpful post here, as it actually goes to the law, and the wishes in the will, not just a lot of speculation as to intent and who is bad or good here. As you say, there are a lot of issues. First, the child is a US citizen, moving him out of the country may involve international issues that are not normally encountered in such a situation

US citizenship just makes it easier for the kid to stay. I he was not it might be harder for him to legally live with his aunt.
Custody does not always follow the will. It is taken into account but not the desciding factor when finding parents.
How long has the nephew been living with the aunt? What is the current arrangement? Is it temporary custody?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, this is the first helpful post here, as it actually goes to the law, and the wishes in the will, not just a lot of speculation as to intent and who is bad or good here. As you say, there are a lot of issues. First, the child is a US citizen, moving him out of the country may involve international issues that are not normally encountered in such a situation. While the OP may make the case that she is qualified to be a good parent, that does not necessarily make her the best option. The grandparents may have a loving home, two parents, ample resources, and a wonderful environment for raising a child. Their motives may be entirely genuine and in the best interest of the child.

OP, how do you "know" that your brother and sister in law's wishes were?

Finally, I am surprised OP has not provided more factual information (will details, for example) given she is a lawyer. Why have you not researched the law in this area before going to an anonymous board for advice on such a complex legal issue?

Sorry I sound a little terse, I'm under a lot of stress...I know ya'll are trying to help -- thank you.

Given that I am a lawyer, I do not look for internet forums for legal advice. I asked about how my income or lack thereof would be perceived to gauge how it would look a jury of peers should the case go to trial. I appreciate everyone's advice and sympathy but I am specifically not looking for legal help. Various theories/tips are interesting and helpful, but I will not be providing more legally relevant facts. Thanks for understanding.

Um....doesn't this normally get settled in family court (closed doors since it involves minors) and with a jury? It's not like a crime was committed and there is some sort of guilt that needs to be determined?

OP - I thought you said you were a lawyer? Surely, you would've known this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Um....doesn't this normally get settled in family court (closed doors since it involves minors) and with a jury? It's not like a crime was committed and there is some sort of guilt that needs to be determined?

OP - I thought you said you were a lawyer? Surely, you would've known this.

I would also like to know, as we do not have family here.
Common sense says the 'will' does not hold as much weight as many like to believe. An unknown 3rd party will look at options and pick the best.

[Anonymous]

So sorry to hear about your loss. How tragic for all involved. I hope you are able to continue to provide stability for your nephew and that you can come to a mutually agreeable arrangement with his grandparents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Um....doesn't this normally get settled in family court (closed doors since it involves minors) and with a jury? It's not like a crime was committed and there is some sort of guilt that needs to be determined?

OP - I thought you said you were a lawyer? Surely, you would've known this.

I would also like to know, as we do not have family here.
Common sense says the 'will' does not hold as much weight as many like to believe. An unknown 3rd party will look at options and pick the best.

I'm not sure where exactly OP is, but I know in the state where my custody battle took place, contested custody issues could absolutely be decided by a jury if one party pushed the issue. My XH wanted a jury trial to try and bankrupt and bully me into giving him what he wanted. Luckily in my case, he screwed up the process and we were able to just have a hearing with the judge deciding.