Would you say I am poor?

[Anonymous]

OP, you're better off than I was when I had my daughter! Still are, actually. You're going to be fine. What they are really having trouble with is the fact that you will be a single woman raising a baby. Which a lot of us are doing, well and happily, every day.

That said, child care costs can be brutal around here, and a lot of the good options are waitlisted out the wazoo. You might want to see if you can access the trust if you need it to pay a nanny while you wait for a good center to have a spot.

This a big change - good luck! Remember it's ok to book a sitter sometimes so you can still get out and socialize and date. You'll need a break sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're better off than I was when I had my daughter! Still are, actually. You're going to be fine. What they are really having trouble with is the fact that you will be a single woman raising a baby. Which a lot of us are doing, well and happily, every day.

That said, child care costs can be brutal around here, and a lot of the good options are waitlisted out the wazoo. You might want to see if you can access the trust if you need it to pay a nanny while you wait for a good center to have a spot.

This a big change - good luck! Remember it's ok to book a sitter sometimes so you can still get out and socialize and date. You'll need a break sometimes.

Thank you! This is great advice!

[Anonymous]

When did the grandparents in switzerland become dangerous child kidnappers?
Op wants to raise someone elses child and does not have a husband or a support base. Others get 9 months to be ready for a baby.

Touching the childs trust fund is pure robbery.
I would suggest the grandparents get a chance to spend a whole week with the toddler to see that this is really not going to be some kind of walk in the park.
Op is middle class. Middle class single parents are poor. Raising a kid costs that much. You will also have to miss work when the kid gets sick, take time off for doctor appointments. You have nobody to call for play dates

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When did the grandparents in switzerland become dangerous child kidnappers?
Op wants to raise someone elses child and does not have a husband or a support base. Others get 9 months to be ready for a baby.

Touching the childs trust fund is pure robbery.
I would suggest the grandparents get a chance to spend a whole week with the toddler to see that this is really not going to be some kind of walk in the park.
Op is middle class. Middle class single parents are poor. Raising a kid costs that much. You will also have to miss work when the kid gets sick, take time off for doctor appointments. You have nobody to call for play dates

This is ridiculous. The parents would have spent that money raising the child. Now they are gone, the money should still be spent on raising the child.

[Anonymous]

^^^Exactly, her brother would probably roll in his grave if OP bled her savings when they left a trust behind. Middle class single parents aren't poor, they're middle class. That doesn't even make sense.

OP, can we get an update?

[Anonymous]

Trust fund is the childs inheritance, not to be used for living expenses. You take on a child, you take on the expenses.
Let the grandparents have him

[Anonymous]

OP here sorry to keep you guys hanging. So much has happened. My long-term boyfriend proposed to me! He's a pediatrician with his own practice, so I'd say he knows a thing or two about kids. Given all that has happened, we know we want to be with each other and make the commitment. Life is so incredibly short. Make the most of it.

We ended up doing family mediation. The three us: me, fiance and baby will go to Switzerland all summer to spend with the Grossätti and Grossmueti -- that's grandfather and grandmother. Their english isn't good, so I'm trying to cram as much german as I can. Poor fiance has to fly back and forth for work but says it's worth it to eat Swiss chocolates and, ahem, spend time with us, his little family.

My nephew stays with me permanently, as he is an American and it is his parents' wishes. Because of lots of negotiated visitations, the grandparents will no longer fight for custody and they have even offered to establish a little fund for the nephew very small since they are not rich but it's really the thought that counts and they get to feel like they are contributing to his childhood.

I'm able to take advantage of generous leave time from work, and they have onsite child care resources that I didn't even know about. It's amazing the resources that are offered when you ask. Like you guys on this forum. I'll try to keep you updated as I can. What a crazy time its been. I miss my brother and my sister so much, but there is so much joy in our family too. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Congratulations OP, sounds like a great outcome for all, though the hard work is beginning! Enjoy!
Switzerland is the most beautiful country so I am sure you will enjoy it too.

[Anonymous]

Good luck OP. If you're starting from scratch and can't get a tutor/teacher for German, Rosetta Stone is a great option.

[Anonymous]

Wow, congratulations OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Trust fund is the childs inheritance, not to be used for living expenses. You take on a child, you take on the expenses.
Let the grandparents have him

categorically untrue. Child's expenses are payable from trust.

[Anonymous]

Happy to hear its working out OP. best wishes for you and your nephew.

[Anonymous]

Don't be afraid to use the trust fund. The parents set it up to pay for the child's expenses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't be afraid to use the trust fund. The parents set it up to pay for the child's expenses.

And what would the op need it for? She is engaged to a pediatrician and making a good salary? If she ws to take on the child when no-one else wants the kid, and on a smaller income, it could be ok. In this case the kid has relatives who are not any less distant than what she is, and willing to take him on.

Will the court not appoint a guardian ad-litem to look after his financial interests?

[Anonymous]

I hate to ask but was it a car accident that left the child in this situation? I just ask because it seems so tragic to lose both at the same time.

Good luck to you- it sounds like you'll be great parents.