Best friend traveling to China to adopt their little boy and I need help

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Give a few books on attachment issues.

Did you mean this to be snarky or rude?? I'm sure the OP's friend has already taken classes and read up on potential attachment issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Give a few books on attachment issues.

Go away. As an adopted kid here I can tell you that at 26, I have zero attachment issues. Guess what? Not all adopted kids are messed up and have issues. I am extremely thankful everyday to have been adopted by my amazing parents, and I'm thankful my birth parents chose adoption because they could not give me the life they thought I deserved. I really wish people would stop making the assumption that adopted kids have problems. Some do, some don't. It's not a universal thing.

ANYWAYS, congrats to your friends OP. They must be thrilled. I second the baby-proofing idea. I also think that stocking up their house with some perishables and frozen meals is a great suggestion. My parents had a few days notice about my adoption (were called on a Friday that my birth parents had picked them out of a portfolio (closed adoption) and they picked me up on Tuesday) and one of my dad's fondest memories of that time was leaving work on Monday afternoon and his car being completely covered in pink things with a huge sign saying "It's a girl". Remember, your friends haven't experienced the same thing that biological parents do "baby shower, registering, having people comment on the pregnancy etc" so I think the "welcome home baby" signs are really appreciated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give a few books on attachment issues.

Go away. As an adopted kid here I can tell you that at 26, I have zero attachment issues. Guess what? Not all adopted kids are messed up and have issues. I am extremely thankful everyday to have been adopted by my amazing parents, and I'm thankful my birth parents chose adoption because they could not give me the life they thought I deserved. I really wish people would stop making the assumption that adopted kids have problems. Some do, some don't. It's not a universal thing.

Not to threadjack too much, but I totally agree (another adoptee here).

[Anonymous]

most of the kids are only attached to their crib and have not had much interaction. how old is the kid? a boy from china? that is odd but who knows. my brother adopted one and they didn't worry about any of the stuff you are all bringing up and the kid is just fine.

relax and enjoy it-the flight sucks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give a few books on attachment issues.

Did you mean this to be snarky or rude?? I'm sure the OP's friend has already taken classes and read up on potential attachment issues.

No, not at all. But being abandoned by parents, or being taken away from the main caregiver at a young age creates a trauma that changes the neuropathways in the brain, literally altering the brain and how it processes. It's one thing to "read up on potential attachment issues" and quite another to have a few books right at your fingertips that you can quickly access when issues crop up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give a few books on attachment issues.

Did you mean this to be snarky or rude?? I'm sure the OP's friend has already taken classes and read up on potential attachment issues.

No, not at all. But being abandoned by parents, or being taken away from the main caregiver at a young age creates a trauma that changes the neuropathways in the brain, literally altering the brain and how it processes. It's one thing to "read up on potential attachment issues" and quite another to have a few books right at your fingertips that you can quickly access when issues crop up.

I understand what you're saying. I already had books on attachment issues when my child came home; they're important, I agree with you. But to give it as a gift seems to be in the same spirit of giving books on divorce when someone gets married. Not exactly celebratory...

[Anonymous]

Is there any way you can be there when they get back home with their son? One of the things that I treasure is a friend's video of us arriving home with our baby from the hospital. I carried my newborn through the house and narrated, "This is our living room", "this is our dining room", etc., and my friend video taped it all. My daughter (age 11) just loves to watch that video.

I am only guessing, but I think I would be pretty jet-lagged coming back from China with my son, and the last thing I would think of would be to take photos/video of our arrival.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like the perishables ideas and deep home cleaning.

I hope this won't be taken the wrong way, but maybe gift certs for dinner out in Chinatown, only because the baby may feel not so totally out of his element (our friends adopted from China, live on Cap Hill and would stroller ride to Chinatown and it was the only time baby would fall asleep in her stroller).

That is sweet. Something related to baby's culture is a fun idea!

[Anonymous]

What about giving to a US charity that helps US orphans who need homes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about giving to a US charity that helps US orphans who need homes?

Another snide remark. How exactly does that help THIS mom and her new son?

[Anonymous]

If anything, business class is more than sufficient. First class is just a waste.

[Anonymous]

Depending on the age of the baby, you could make some homemade baby food. I'd imagine the baby, even if an older infant, will be on formula, and probably underweight. So prepared foods (not jarred) would be something you could help with on a weekly basis to help them transition. WE know what babies eat - things like plain pasta, rice, peas, bananas, etc., but can you imagine being thrown into it cold turkey? You could even make up a meal schedule for them.

I know this might be annoying to most parents who have BTDT, but I myself was glued to the 'food guide' my pediatrician provided at the 6 month checkup. I also stole a lot of ideas from my friends.

Make sure they have a white noise machine for the baby's room and even a nice soothing music CD ('Lullaby' is an amazing one with lots of international songs:http://www.amazon.com/Lullaby-A-Collection-Various-Artists/dp/B000002M78). I'm sure the baby will also be going from a loud environment to a quiet one...they might need the noise.

If they don't have a ton already, books and toys. They are the last thing on your mind and it's hard to know what babies like until you have one.

[Anonymous]

Stock their freezer with easy to prepare meals! Lasagna, soups, frozen bread or pizza, maybe a few take-out menus from nearby restaurants, and you can attach a gift card to the menu?

Deep cleaning the house will be an amazing gift, too. If they already cleaned like mad in preparation, keep that in your back pocket for after they've been back for a few weeks and really need it.

If you are all crafty, you can also put together a scrap book for the parents to with photos over time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about giving to a US charity that helps US orphans who need homes?

How about tucking your snark away for the day and go have a drink and some valium. Treat yourself. Sounds like you need it.

[Anonymous]

Or how about a book on black market babies?