Best friend traveling to China to adopt their little boy and I need help
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Anonymous
After what seems like forever, my best friend is finally able to travel to China and adopt.  I had planned on giving them all of my airline miles to travel first class, but her parents are now going to get their tickets.
What can I do/provide/buy to help them prepare for the journey? They are having a shower on Sunday, and I would like to give them something special. Any ideas? Or links to adoption sites that might offer guidance? They are receiving pretty much everything they need for him. And they are undecided as to his name (keep his given name, or do somethng else.) Many things in advance for any ideas. |
Anonymous
| What about giving them a gift of a few weeks housecleaning or meal delivery service? The early weeks will be a busy adjustment period, and meals or cleaning might give them more time to focus on their new addition. More practical than sentimental I realize... |
Anonymous
Now, THAT is an awesome idea! Any recommendations? They live in Capital Hill. I could have the house deep cleaned during the two weeks they are away. |
Anonymous
| Whatever it is, I am sure they will appreciate your support. Do they plan to take him back to visit? Can you give them miles for that? |
Anonymous
| If you have the house cleaned maybe also put a few meals into the freezer, so they have some stuff ready to heat and eat when they get back? You sound like a good friend, OP! |
Anonymous
| Can you use your miles to upgrade them to business or first class? If not, meals and cleaning are great gifts for new parents -- whether they are adopting or giving birth. (We have 2 children who joined our family through birth and one via adoption.) Additionally, if you'd like to give them something linked to Chinese culture, one of our favorites is a stuffed dragon that good friends gave us when we adopted our daughter, who was born in the year of the dragon. She's a tween now, and has many other stuffed animals, pillow pets, etc., but Puff still has the place of honor on her bed. You can easily google the Chinese Zodiac sign for your friends' son. |
Anonymous
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Congrats to your friend, OP! And that's very sweet of you to help them out!
As an adoptive parent, I second the house cleaning/meal-stocking idea. We adopted from Korea and for awhile, our child's days and nights were all mixed up because of the time difference, meaning she was up and ready to play in the middle of the night. Exhausting! Having a clean house and meals they don't need to prepare would be a God-send, I bet. Also, I would make sure to somehow let your friend know that if she needs to vent about being a parent, that it's safe for her to do with you. I think a lot of times, adoptive parents (esp. ones who also dealt with infertility issues- don't know if your friend has or not) feel that they can't express any sort of negative feelings or emotions about their kids/parenting because they waited so long to become parents or that they would be ungrateful to do so. It's perfectly normal to feel frustrated/upset/annoyed, adoption or not. Btw, have your friends thought about keeping their son's Chinese name as his middle name? At least with Korean adoptions, that's a popular thing to do. I was also adopted and my parents didn't keep my birth name. It doesn't bother me, but I think it's a nice thing to do. |
Anonymous
| You've gotten great suggestions, but I just want to say, your friends sound like extremely lucky people, to have such generous friends and family. |
Anonymous
| How about a night nurse for a few nights the first couple of weeks they are back. With the time adjustment in addition to other adjustments it may be near impossible for your friends to sleep. |
Anonymous
I would say that normally this would be a great suggestion, but in the case of an adoption, the parents need to be the one doing the caring for the child during the bonding/adjustment period. We were told to not let ANYONE hold her for the first 6 weeks or so, but we did fudge that a little and let people hold her while she was happy. Any caring, like putting to sleep, feeding, rocking when upset, etc. needed to be done by us b/c our little one needed to learn who her parents were. They bond by having their needs met and others do it during that crucial adjustment period, that could become problematic. Just my opinion though... |
Anonymous
As another adoptive mom, I second what adoptive mom PP wrote about. But I commend you, OP, on trying to think of something thoughtful! I second the suggestions of meals or cleaning, and also what was really nice when we got home was: my mom had stopepd by like the day before and stocked our fridge with perishables. We had been away for 3 weeks (when we got back from China) and therefore didn't have things like milk, yogurt, eggs, etc. This was super-helpful b/c like other posters have mentioned, our DD's nights and days were severely mixed up for quite some time as we all struggled to get back on track after the jet lag, so it was awesome to not have to add "run to the grocery store" for things like this. Also: have they had time to childproof? We did but I know a lot of people leave this until the last minute (whether b/c they don't think of it or maybe just b/c they don't want to do anything to "jinx" things). If not, you could offer to come over and do this while they are away. OR do things like: put the crib together, make up the crib, get the car seat installed, get the car seat checked out at the police station, etc etc etc. ? Another fun thing: just decorate her lawn and/or her front door right before they get back, with signs saying, "Welcome Home, ______, _______ and Baby ______!!" or something along those lines.
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Anonymous
My parents did this (Korean adoption) - I liked it because it balanced out my first name which amounted to "I dunno, we liked it." It's basically a made up name. We actually used it for DD's middle name as well. I think it might depend on the name though. |
Anonymous
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I like the perishables ideas and deep home cleaning.
I hope this won't be taken the wrong way, but maybe gift certs for dinner out in Chinatown, only because the baby may feel not so totally out of his element (our friends adopted from China, live on Cap Hill and would stroller ride to Chinatown and it was the only time baby would fall asleep in her stroller). |
Anonymous
| Why don't you put together a small bag of quiet age-appropriate items to occupy the child on the return flight to the US? It might be something that they have overlooked in their preparations for coming home. |
Anonymous
| Give a few books on attachment issues. |