Nutritionist or diet advice for teen daughter

[Anonymous]

Sometimes we can't be everything for our kids. Sometimes we do everything that is "right" and it works for most kids but for some reason not for one child. My friend could tell the exact same story as you: 2 fit parents, 2 fit kids and 1 that, for whatever reason, was overweight.


She sent her to http://www.wellspringcamps.com/ and had amazing results. She was asked back to be a counselor.

[Anonymous]

OP, my dd was struggling with fatigue and one thing we did was to have her meet with a nutritionist. I think the fact that she met with a personable nutritionist who was not mom or dad was very helpful.

It's not clear from your post whether you need to worry at this point but if you do decide to do something I recommend getting a competent personable (and being younger doesn't hurt) third party to handle it and then try to stay out of it.

[Anonymous]

I agree that you should not ignore the issue, but I can see where you are conflicted about bringing it up. Girls in this country have such a hard time with body image. It looks like you are doing well modelling appropriate eating behaviors. Your DD probably just needs to ramp up the physical activity.

Please, remember though that some people are naturally prone to being heavier. I am one of these people. My sisters and I grew up eating the same foods and they are thin and it is a struggle for me to maintain a good healthy weight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a former fat kid I have to chime in and say that I really wish someone could have laid out for me how different my life would have been (or still is), if I hadn't been fat.. Girls didn't want to be friends with me, boys didn't want to date me. When I found boys who would hook up with me I made very poor choices. I also lost weight when I got to college but the low self esteem has stuck with me. I too see my daughter getting chubby and am conflicted about what I would say to her. Yes, you don't want to put pressure on her as a parent, yet you want her to have a good teenage experience.

+1 Except, fortunately, I didn't have kids who made fun of me or didn't want to be friends with me because of my weight (I think!)

I was fat throughout my childhood and obese as a teenager (like 200 pounds at 5'3). I know it sounds like I am taking placing blame off myself, but my parents played a big part on my eating habits and weight as a kid. They never cooked healthy food, always had junk in the house, never said 'hey, let's go outside for a walk, or play a game, etc'.

I am much more careful as an adult about what I eat and excercise on a reular basis. Imo, society is so sensitive to say the truth, which is that, yes, being fat is actually harmful to your health.

[Anonymous]

I have to agree ignoring weight gain is not a great idea as a fat kid from very early years, I wish I had learned a lot better habits. OP identifies it as food and frankly at this age that is a pretty hard thing to control. I would put her in some cooking classes and make her responsible for some family meals. It might make it easier for her to see a path of control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes we can't be everything for our kids. Sometimes we do everything that is "right" and it works for most kids but for some reason not for one child. My friend could tell the exact same story as you: 2 fit parents, 2 fit kids and 1 that, for whatever reason, was overweight.


She sent her to http://www.wellspringcamps.com/ and had amazing results. She was asked back to be a counselor.

The kid is 13 and 5-10 pounds overweight. Fat camp at this stage is overkill. It's very shaming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thanks for all the advice so far. I should have been more specific: Both my other child and myself are in excellent shape. Honestly, I know more about fitness and food than most people. Perhaps that is where the problem lies - I make too much of a big deal over exercise and eating right. I have some junk food in the house, but not a lot. I made nothing forbidden because I didn't think that was the right way to go. I model the right behavior, but it has no impact. Because I also have a diet-obsessed mom I go out of my way not to specifically talk about diets, but about healthy eating. I almost feel like I'm doing her a disservice by *not* talking about it, but I'm afraid. I'm sure she knows! That's why I was thinking about a professional; I would still have to figure out a way to get her there, but it wouldn't be me doing the talking.

OP, I'm trying to say this nicely, but could it be your attitude? You say you and your other DC are in excellent shape and that you know more about fitness and food than other people. You also say that you make a big deal about exercise and healthy eating. Modeling good behavior is great, but it ceases to be modeling when you're talking about all your healthy habits. That's not modeling; that's lecturing. Do you think maybe she's feeling a little insecure because she is feeling somewhat less than excellent compared to the two of you? Could you be getting a little push back when she's listening to your discussions of healthy food and exercise.

I am 100% sure she knows. If your pediatrician finds her weight to be of concern, discuss it with the doc before and perhaps the ped (although lots of peds have noclue about nutrition) will be able to talk to her in a more neutral way. If you try getting her to go to a nutritionist if the whole family isn't going, you might as well get a big sign that says "you are too fat and you are unacceptable to me."

I know you love her and want what is best for, but she might need to take a different path to get there.

Signed,

The fat daughter to the really thin and healthy mother. And sister to the really thin and healthy sister and brother.

I eventually got to the healthy place at my own pace and in my own way.

[Anonymous]

Don't do this! I was a thin/normally developing kid who began to gain weight at about 14 or so. I went through puberty and my (loving caring) parents began to freak out about the weight I was putting on. My response wasn't to feel terrible and have low self esteem - I just accepted that I was "fat" and that it didn't bother me. The issue: I wasn't fat! I had a BMI of 23! Of course, I gained and gained and gained for about 10 years and now I am fat. It took until I was 27 to decide to lose the weight and it's slowly going down. Basically, focusing on the weight WILL backfire. Focus on fun exercise and good habits. If the weight doesn't drop, still don't mention it.

I don't blame my parents but I literally look back and I am ASTONISHED at how skinny I was. I was like a size 4, most of it in brand new boobs, and my parents began nagging about my weight. Even when I was in college my parents would look so worried/sad when I would come home and have gained more weight: I was a size 8 with DD boobs. They weren't being mean, and they were right to be concerned but honestly, instilling better habits and encouraging me even forcing me to join a sports team when I gained weight would have helped more than looking concerned and sighing heavily whenever I ate a slice of cheese.

[Anonymous]

I don't want to freak you out, but weight gain, even over a couple years, could be the sign of a larger issue (sexual abuse, bullying, etc.) NOT saying it is, but could be.

I would say have a converstaion with her to make sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't do this! I was a thin/normally developing kid who began to gain weight at about 14 or so. I went through puberty and my (loving caring) parents began to freak out about the weight I was putting on. My response wasn't to feel terrible and have low self esteem - I just accepted that I was "fat" and that it didn't bother me. The issue: I wasn't fat! I had a BMI of 23! Of course, I gained and gained and gained for about 10 years and now I am fat. It took until I was 27 to decide to lose the weight and it's slowly going down. Basically, focusing on the weight WILL backfire. Focus on fun exercise and good habits. If the weight doesn't drop, still don't mention it.

I don't blame my parents but I literally look back and I am ASTONISHED at how skinny I was. I was like a size 4, most of it in brand new boobs, and my parents began nagging about my weight. Even when I was in college my parents would look so worried/sad when I would come home and have gained more weight: I was a size 8 with DD boobs. They weren't being mean, and they were right to be concerned but honestly, instilling better habits and encouraging me even forcing me to join a sports team when I gained weight would have helped more than looking concerned and sighing heavily whenever I ate a slice of cheese.

OP here - I get what you're saying, but my DD is not a size 4. The thing that concerns me is that her weight has steadily increased over the years. I've ignored it (or tried to) for many years thinking that it would change, she would grow, etc. My concern now is that she's gotten bad habits and shows no real interest in changing her patterns. She does participate in sports, but they're not especially active ones. I totally understand about your parents, I had those parents too. My mom put me on a diet when I was 10 years old! (She doesn't remember it). Because of this, I didn't want to do this to my kids. However, it is difficult to get past the history and the family legacy of obsession with weight. It's so hard for me to figure out how best to address it because I don't really have a normal relationship with food. I've even discussed with her how unfair it is that some people can eat what they want and be stick thin, but some can't (like us). Here's an example of how she eats: She came home from school the other day and had a pudding cup (which is pretty small). An hour later, right before dinner, she was back looking in the cabinets again. I told her to take some fruit, but she ignored me and had a chocolate chip granola bar. Then, dinner 30 minutes later. She always takes seconds and sometimes thirds. If we have bread, she'll eat several pieces until I cut her off. For dessert she had a slice of cake. We happened to have cake in the house, which we normally don't. I did make a comment about it - couldn't help it - but she ignores me. I don't want her to be chubby high school girl! She's an incredible kid and I want her to have everything. I feel like she's using food because she's bored.

[Anonymous]

Most girls put on weight as they go through their pubertal grow spurt, start menstruating and then they flatten out on the growth curve for height and then their weight stabilizes.

Has she started her periods? If not then I wouldn't worry too much as you don't want her to lose weight now and compromise her height potential.

If she has started periods then talk to her pediatrician ahead of her appointment so it can be brought up in a sensitive manner. Most pediatricians will plot her growth, including BMI, in relation to her age and see if the percentiles are normal or not. If she's above the 85% for her age then he/she should be addressing the weight gain. Simple things to change are eliminating high calorie beverages (i.e. no soda, teas, juices etc. in the house).

[Anonymous]

It is normal for adolescent girls to gain weight. She is old enough to ask for support from you if she would like some. The girls that have significant problems with weight often have a mother who is overly involved with the child's appearance. For the girl to be able to gain control she may gain weight or become bulimic or anorexic. Allow her to go through the normal weight gain/ shift in body fat patterns without using her eating choices as a (subconcious) way to get you to back off her weight/ food intake. Also, don't bring foods with high fructose corn syrup in the house, it results in stimulating appetite.

[Anonymous]

I was always 10-15 lbs overweight on the BMI scale, and my mom constantly made a fuss about it. Taunts, telling me not to eat certain things, etc. She and my sister were much more obese so I always just rolled my eyes and did what I wanted.

I did, however, continue to gain weight in college and right after graduating. I just became immune to the "you need to stop eating" shticks because I had heard them so often. Looking back at pictures, I was NOT fat or chubby in high school for my body type, it was that everyone else around me had a different body frame and was unnaturally thin. (eating disorders ran rampet at my high school. Only 15% of the girls would actually go to lunch.) I'm convinced that if my mom had just STFU when I wasn't actually fat and saved it for when I did begin to gain weight and become obviously overweight and obese, I might have listened. But by then I was way too used to her nags.

What finally made me change and lose 70+lb was seeing myself in pictures on facebook and seeing what I had looked like in high school. The change was absolutely heartbreaking, and that day I began to investigate different diets and I changed my life.

If you're really concerned, give it a year or two. See if she is still steadily gaining. If so, show her some pictures of herself and let HER make the connection. Don't do it for her.

[Anonymous]

When I was 16 I was 5'5" and 129 pounds. My mom took me to a doctor to discuss my "weight problem." He said he couldn't figure out where I was "hiding" all of that weight but that it was definitely too much for a girl my age. I soon developed eating disorders, I still have atrocious eating habits, and now I would give anything to weigh 129 pounds again! So I join the chorus of those saying to tread with care. She's not obese. She may have a body type to support more weight, or she may get a growth spurt that will even out her shape. I'd speak to the ped privately, and if he/she is not concerned about your daughter's health, I'd let it go.

[Anonymous]

There have been some great replies here, but I just wanted to chime in to correct one thing I read. You can't rely on adult normals for childrens BMI's. 50th percentile BMI at age 14 is about 19.5. A 14 yo with a BMI of 25 is about the same as a 20 yo with a BMI of 28. The CDC has BMI charts you can access just like growth charts.