Nutritionist or diet advice for teen daughter

[Anonymous]

Anybody ever work with a nutritionist or diet specialist for their teen? My 13-year-old
DD has really put on weight this year and I'm concerned. She's been slowly gaining weight for
several years. In the past my otherwise wonderful pediatrician will not
say anything. She does play sports, but isn't as active as she can be. However, I know it's mainly
an eating issue. It frustrates me. She's a wonderful, smart and funny kid, but
I would like to see her enter high school in better shape and it worries me that she has
continued to put on weight.

[Anonymous]

Just to get some perspective here, OP, what's her height/weight?

[Anonymous]

She's about 5'2" (barely) and I have no idea what her weight is. If I was guessing, I would say it has to be at least 140. We have a physical coming up, so I can sneak a peak at her chart then. I want to bring it up with her, but I am terrified of scarring her. She's way too smart for the whole "I'm concerned about your health thing," but yet she doesn't seem to care all that much that she is on the heavier side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's about 5'2" (barely) and I have no idea what her weight is. If I was guessing, I would say it has to be at least 140. We have a physical coming up, so I can sneak a peak at her chart then. I want to bring it up with her, but I am terrified of scarring her. She's way too smart for the whole "I'm concerned about your health thing," but yet she doesn't seem to care all that much that she is on the heavier side.

What do you mean the "I'm concerned about your health thing?" Are you not? Being overweights is a HUGE health care risk. I think I might start by subscribing to Prevention Magazine. It publishes easy to read articles about the health effects of exercise and healthy eating and maintaing a healthy weight. I'd have it in the house, read it yourself, share interesting things you learn with her. Talk about superfoods and why you're determined to get more omega 3s. I would absolutely focus on making healthy choices. The more you focus on getting 7 fruits and vegetables/ day, the less junk you eat and the weight will reflect that. Focus not on restricting "fat foods" or her size but on eathing good foods cause of their nutritional value.

[Anonymous]

OP please do not bring it up with her. I say this as someone who was constantly criticized by my mother for my weight when I was growing up. I still resent her for it and still have self-esteem issues from it and I lost the weight as soon as I went to college. I would instead focus on healthier eating and a more active lifestyle for the entire family. Don't bring in unhealthy foods and lead by example. Good luck. Please watch what you say though. It can be really damaging to be criticized about your appearance at that age, especially for girls.

[Anonymous]

Have you asked your pediatrician why s/he's not bringing up weight?

Also, pace 16:01, being overweight is not a health risk. The poor health habits that for some people result in weight gain are a health risk, but statistically, it's better to be in the overweight BMI category.

If your pediatrician is talking about food and exercise, that's going to do more to protect the OP daughter's health than the OP's fixation on her size.

[Anonymous]

I'm with 16:05 on this. If it were me, I'd try and take the approach of getting the whole family's lifestyle healthier.

[Anonymous]

As a former fat kid I have to chime in and say that I really wish someone could have laid out for me how different my life would have been (or still is), if I hadn't been fat.. Girls didn't want to be friends with me, boys didn't want to date me. When I found boys who would hook up with me I made very poor choices. I also lost weight when I got to college but the low self esteem has stuck with me. I too see my daughter getting chubby and am conflicted about what I would say to her. Yes, you don't want to put pressure on her as a parent, yet you want her to have a good teenage experience.

[Anonymous]

-stop buying junk food
-start exercising as a family; evening walks, weekend swims, etc.

[Anonymous]

OP here - thanks for all the advice so far. I should have been more specific: Both my other child and myself are in excellent shape. Honestly, I know more about fitness and food than most people. Perhaps that is where the problem lies - I make too much of a big deal over exercise and eating right. I have some junk food in the house, but not a lot. I made nothing forbidden because I didn't think that was the right way to go. I model the right behavior, but it has no impact. Because I also have a diet-obsessed mom I go out of my way not to specifically talk about diets, but about healthy eating. I almost feel like I'm doing her a disservice by *not* talking about it, but I'm afraid. I'm sure she knows! That's why I was thinking about a professional; I would still have to figure out a way to get her there, but it wouldn't be me doing the talking.

[Anonymous]

OP, looking back, is there anything you would have done differently when the weight gain began? (I'm asking not for your benefit--no hidden critique here--but for mine as the mother of a younger child.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP please do not bring it up with her. I say this as someone who was constantly criticized by my mother for my weight when I was growing up. I still resent her for it and still have self-esteem issues from it and I lost the weight as soon as I went to college. I would instead focus on healthier eating and a more active lifestyle for the entire family. Don't bring in unhealthy foods and lead by example. Good luck. Please watch what you say though. It can be really damaging to be criticized about your appearance at that age, especially for girls.

It is all in how you bring it up. A criticizing mother clearly isn't good for a child, but there's a chasm between that behavior and quietly bringing up something in a loving and private way.

As for the second part: lead by example. behave in a way you would like your kid to emulate. don't sneak eat. sub out the ice-cream and sub in the fruit. No one ever got fat from eating too many fresh peaches.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thanks for all the advice so far. I should have been more specific: Both my other child and myself are in excellent shape. Honestly, I know more about fitness and food than most people. Perhaps that is where the problem lies - I make too much of a big deal over exercise and eating right. I have some junk food in the house, but not a lot. I made nothing forbidden because I didn't think that was the right way to go. I model the right behavior, but it has no impact. Because I also have a diet-obsessed mom I go out of my way not to specifically talk about diets, but about healthy eating. I almost feel like I'm doing her a disservice by *not* talking about it, but I'm afraid. I'm sure she knows! That's why I was thinking about a professional; I would still have to figure out a way to get her there, but it wouldn't be me doing the talking.

Well, how is she doing otherwise? It is so hard to opine about this on an anonymous internet forum and not sound like an uninformed jerk (and I swear I'm not trying to be), but is she otherwise well-adjusted and healthy? Is it from bad habits or is it possible she's just made this way/going through puberty differently than you and your other child did? Is it possible that there's something else going on with her emotionally? Is it a control thing for her, maybe? Subtle subconcious rebellion? There are so many possibilities. Has SHE ever mentioned it?

[Anonymous]

PP here. FWIW, my otherwise healthy and extremely active kid is on the borderline in terms of a raised eyebrow for a BMI that might be a little on the high side (No really. barely borderline), and the ped said they pay more attention to this now, and suggested upping the activity and decreasing the junk and checking back in (and also said it would probably resolve itself once school was out and summer activity started).

So the ped brought it up in our case, in a way which was neither scary nor scaring, for which I'm grateful. Can you maybe call the ped and check in before the next appointment? And if the ped really thinks it's not an issue, then maybe it's not an issue.

[Anonymous]

First of, she's a little overweight, but not hugely so. 5'2 and 140 is a BMI of just over 25. If she lost 5 pounds, she'd be below 25 and in the healthy range. If she loses 10 -15 pounds, she will be well into the healthy range.

I'd focus on more exercise and keeping junk food out of the house and not worry about it. I gained a bunch of weight when I was 13, around 25 pounds. Then I grew another 3 inches without putting on more weight. There's a reason we have a term "puppy fat" or "baby fat."