If you have siblings but never had the "sibling bond"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm an only, but DH has never been that close to his brother. He blames it on a big age gap (5 years) and that his younger brother has always been aloof and to himself.

I can confirm this from looking in photo albums. Even as a young toddler, there's not 1 picture of him smiling and he seems uncomfortable being around others.

My DH has never been close to his brother and they are only 18 months apart. He blames it on his brother's aloofness and on their mom's hands-off parenting. Personally I think it's mostly personalities and poor family dynamics (parents hated each other and had kids before they were ready and maybe resented the kids a bit). Sad but true.

[Anonymous]

Wow--a lot of people on here are suffering the same sadness as I am. M relationship with my brother and mother has been broken since my dad died--neither of them have any motivation to fix it-- I am on the outside of the glass begging to get in--they are incredibly cruel to me. This past Mother's day they suckered me in to go to my mom house only to sandbag me with some property issues and turnabout hostility--I reacted badly and the whole thing exploded...Happy Mother's day to me...I cried most of the day.

[Anonymous]

Random luck. Sometimes you get a sibling you click with, sometimes you don't. You need to let this go. You don't get everything you want in life, and nothing is perfect.

Oh:
There's nothing "wrong" with my brother. I like him, and he's a good guy. We just have as much in common as chalk and cheese.

[Anonymous]

My older brother and I literally never saw our parents (the worked long hours and went out almost every night). We had a nanny who watched TV all day and encouraged us to do the same. We watched different shows on different TVs and, well, never really hung out or bonded. He's still kind of a stranger, as are my parents.

[Anonymous]

I have a sister that I don't get along with, nor do I like her as a person. Personally, I think she has an undiagnosed personality disorder. A few years ago she told me that when I was little, she never liked me because she perceived me as being dad's favorite. I let it go because on many levels it justified feelings that I knew to be true. But when she continued to dismiss me and treat me like shit as an adult, internally I said good-bye and have closed the door on having a relationship with her. I have another sister that's a train wreck in other ways, but she is sweet and well meaning. She and I are pretty close.

[Anonymous]

Age gap (4 years), totally different interests, personalities and career paths. We fought constantly as children (I think she was a bully, I'm sure she thinks I was favored), and never, ever got along. These days we can be civil and chat about our children, but we never hang out together. And her husband is an off-putting ass, so that limits some family interaction.

[Anonymous]

Different personalities. We are civil but not close

[Anonymous]

Because we're totally different. When my mother dies, we won't see each other at all. I'm fine with that

[Anonymous]

test

[Anonymous]

I have two brothers and a sister, (I am the youngest), we are all about 2 years apart, and I am not bonded with them. An earlier post described a similar situation where he felt his mother was behind the disconnect. This really resonates in my situation as I recall pretty distinctly my mother (who also suffered from mental illness) manipulating absolute devotion to herself and basically not wanting us to naturally bond. My father, who was very sweet and kind, was unfortunately totally submissive to her.
My situation is also complicated in that two of my siblings are close to one another and they have scapegoated me. I am 50 now but I am still pained by this family dynamic and have tried to put it behind me but it sometimes feels like an abscess that continues to fester and never heal. I have a wonderful boyfriend whom I've been with for 3 years and two lovely teens who are happy and close to one another. But--I feel this scapegoating and disconnect has infiltrated my own personal social life and I find it hard to make friends or when what I thought was a friendship connection fizzles out--I interpret it as further rejection.
Has anyone else experienced anything similar to this?

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry for all the pain many of you on this thread feel. Many of these posts were very painful to read. I hope you can all find peace. For those whose families have been affected or even torn apart by untreated mental illness- I have some experience with that in my own family, and it can be really awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Different personalities. We are civil but not close

This. Fueled by a very dysfunctional childhood. We are both better off emotionally than when we were kids, but we aren't close to one another.

[Anonymous]

I have one brother, 3 years older. As kids / teens I worshipped him but he was mentally and emotionally abusive to me. He is a deeply unhappy person. I am 99% sure he was sexually abused as a young teen and I became te target of his rage. In our case I blame my parents 100% because my mom is the classic triangulating narcissist and my dad is just kind of unplugged. We live 1000 miles apart and have a superficial relationship at best. My estrangement from my family of origin, while necessary for my sanity, is the heartbreak of my life.

[Anonymous]

I have two older sisters, they live about an hour apart from each other, but neither has been down since DS was born, it's been 4.5 years. They'll travel all throughout New England for hockey games, etc., but never to the DMV. We've been up there twice, the last time, two days after Christmas, they left us alone at their house for about three hours b/c of their "mandatory" father-son pizza-skating party, so glad we drove up five hours for that....

Oh and BIL is a defense contractor and is in this area regularly, haven't seen him once. We basically have no relationship which I've come to accept.

We got along fine and partied together during the colllege years, no major falling outs, they're just too into their own lives and our kids are gapped far apart.
They're slaves to their expensive activities now.

[Anonymous]

We're reasonably close but not very close. Can't blame parents or anything-- I think we're just fairly different, and now we live in different cities.

There are three of us, and two are close together in age (maybe too close) but not in personality and two are closer in personality but not in age.