Is my friend a b**** or am I?

[Anonymous]

she's just in a different place right now- single without kids. Babies and toddlers are just not that thrilling to her right now. yeah it's hurtful, but you should not take it personally.

[Anonymous]

Agree. DS is the center of your world. New BF is the center of hers. Not everyone is into children before they have them. Just know going forward that this friend is not interested in children including yours and plan accordingly. I have a number of friends that I see a lot less of and will continue to see less of until my children are significantly older than they are now. That's just the way it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Chill. You are both in different phases of life. Do not say anything unless you want to risk the friendship. Bring son to dinner or not.

I agree with this. Before I had my DC, as much as I loved my girlfriends, I could only take a little bit of their kid(s) and their talk of kids. We were in different places in our lives.

I also agree that you both seem to be focused on your own lives. It sounds from this post that you might not be too interested in her love interest - the same as she's not too interested in yours.

The other point is that as a single woman, it might be scary to bring a new boyfriend into an environment of domestic bliss - If I remember back to my dating life, if I was recently dating someone, I would never bring them to a (best) friend's house who was married with kids. I would think that I'm subtly telling my new boyfriend "this is my BFF. See how great it is, she's married with kids. I picture us getting married with kids and our two families can be besties forever and ever. See? see how great that would be?"

I know you already said you'd drop it, but I just wanted to point out the point about being scared to scare of a potentially new boyfriend.

Try and have fun with your BFF on a dinner out without your child - you might really enjoy the break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:she's just in a different place right now- single without kids. Babies and toddlers are just not that thrilling to her right now. yeah it's hurtful, but you should not take it personally.

I agree. And i imagine she would like to find a permanent relationship and have kids of her own, so that's going to be her focus right now. She wants her boyfriend to meet you, which is a good thing. But at her stage in life she's not going to be focused on your DC, and her boyfriend won't be either. I wouldn't take it personally at all (and I can be pretty sensitive in general). Neither of you are b****es!

[Anonymous]

Ugh, I found babies and kids COMPLETELY and TOTALLY uninteresting before I had them myself. Nothing would have been more painful than visiting a baby with my new boyfriend oin a weekend get away. I would have rather watched paint dry.

Good point another poster made, how many times have you headed up to NYC to visit her?

[Anonymous]

Okay, okay. I get it.

Went once to NYC. Overnight to see her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. This is why I love this. Honest answers.

I asked a mutual friend who of course was like, ugh how AWFUL she is.

I think you all are right. Will drop it and won't say anything.

Good call, OP.

I would just add, for anyone in a similar situation: You know all those posts about "why don't my single friends include me anymore now that I have a kid?" This is why. They're afraid that if they invite you out, they'll have to explicitly exclude your offspring or risk you bringing the little one out to a fancy restaurant, and that would hurt your feelings, so they just don't call at all. Don't be that parent. Or if you are, embrace it and don't try to hold on to the friends from a different time.

[Anonymous]

What a b!tch OP. I feel your pain. Just enjoy your sweet baby and be glad you don't have to deal with dating anymore! Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. This is why I love this. Honest answers.

I asked a mutual friend who of course was like, ugh how AWFUL she is.

I think you all are right. Will drop it and won't say anything.

I agree with you OP. Hope you have a nice dinner and that you like the guy too.

[Anonymous]

Dont say anything but just realize that you are growing apart. It's sad but I lost friends when I got married and more when I had a baby. You have different priorities but in my case my single friends were jealous and there was too much negativity so I had to move on.

[Anonymous]

These things don't always have to been about negativity or jealousy or a single person's inability to understand the importance of a baby. Sometimes it fits into your schedule to see a friend and her family and sometimes it fits into your schedule to see a friend at a restaurant for a quick visit. Before we all had kids, we seemed to understand that our friends had lives and made plans that didn't always revolve around us. Why is it that once we have kids we see every instance when someone doesn't want to do things exactly our way as a slight or an act of hostility to our new lifestyle?

[Anonymous]

If I were just taking a hook up to a touristy type of trip there's no way I'd include a baby visit.

Sorry, OP but you must realize by now that you're both in different phases of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not everyone is a going to be excited to see your baby. If I am single, I am not dragging my new man over to your place to see little Jake, if we are on a weekend getaway. Catch us for dinner or see you next trip.

You will look back on this and laugh.

+1

[Anonymous]

OP, I agree that it's pretty normal for her not to want to bring her new guy around to meet your LO. BUT, what sucks is that she hasn't made an effort to come down and visit and spend time with you, for you. That is what would signal that maybe the friendship isn't what it used to be....

I have a sibling who has made a similar (lack of) effort to visit me and my now 7 month old son. One visit down from NYC when he was 6 weeks old. That's it. I DO hold it against her, and while I understand that she's single and doesn't have kids of her own, I am her sister, this is her nephew, she sucks. My out of town friends have made a larger effort than that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I agree that it's pretty normal for her not to want to bring her new guy around to meet your LO. BUT, what sucks is that she hasn't made an effort to come down and visit and spend time with you, for you. That is what would signal that maybe the friendship isn't what it used to be....

I have a sibling who has made a similar (lack of) effort to visit me and my now 7 month old son. One visit down from NYC when he was 6 weeks old. That's it. I DO hold it against her, and while I understand that she's single and doesn't have kids of her own, I am her sister, this is her nephew, she sucks. My out of town friends have made a larger effort than that.

But this assumes that you have made an effort to visit them similar to the effort you are expecting from them. Becoming a parent doesn't mean that others should visit you while you stay at home. If you stay at home, then expect others to do the same. It sounds like the OP made one visit in a year. It seems like she should give it a little more time before she declares the friendship uneven.