Is my friend a b**** or am I?

[Anonymous]

The quick story is this:

Dear friend and I have known each other for 10+ years. Went to college together, she was in my wedding, she lives in nyc, we made trips back and forth at least 1x/year on both of our parts over the years. I had a baby over a year ago. She came to DC once (last summer) for the weekend and spent a few hours with him. Fine. Great.

We chat every month or so and she always says she wants to come down again bla bla bla but she is super busy, maybe next month. Whatever. Fine. I get a call from her today saying she is seeing a new guy and he hasn’t been to DC and they are coming down this weekend and would I be free for dinner one night? Of course I say yes. She proceeds to tell me their plans – tourist-y type crap because he has never been. Now, though I did not come out and directly say, “will you be seeing my child while you are in town?” its pretty clear she has no intention to do so.

My feelings are hurt and I am slightly pissed.

Not only does it seem like DS and myself aren’t good enough to warrant a visit on our own, but she has seen my baby ONCE since he was born 16 months ago and can’t make the time to do so on this trip bc she needs to play tour guide for some random guy that (given her history) will no doubt be gone in a few months.

Do I have a right to be mad? Am I being too sensitive? Should I say anything or just ignore?

[Anonymous]

She's in the throes of a new infatuation. Chill out.

[Anonymous]

I think you're being too sensitive. Let it go.

[Anonymous]

Agree. It isn't all about you.

[Anonymous]

Chill. You are both in different phases of life. Do not say anything unless you want to risk the friendship. Bring son to dinner or not.

[Anonymous]

Yes, she's kind of annoying and insensitive.

[Anonymous]

She's just not that into your kid. Nor does she have any reason to be.

You're certainly not interested in her new project.

[Anonymous]

She doesn't have kids yet. Until she does, your kid won't have much pull for her.

[Anonymous]

At least she made time to see you, even if for dinner. I remember when I was totally infatuated with this guy in a relatively new relationship. We went to NYC for a weekend. It was an "unofficial" visit (meaning I didn't tell my NYC friends) because I just wanted to hang out with him all the time and didn't want to go through the hassle of coordinating schedules etc. Selfish? Probably. But, that's the way life works sometimes.

Cut her some slack and have a nice dinner out.

[Anonymous]

Not everyone is a going to be excited to see your baby. If I am single, I am not dragging my new man over to your place to see little Jake, if we are on a weekend getaway. Catch us for dinner or see you next trip.

You will look back on this and laugh.

[Anonymous]

Agree with others that you are being too sensitive. If I were single and childless, I wouldn't necessarily want to hang out with a baby while on a trip with my new boyfriend. Some people are just not into kids, whether they are the children of their friends or not.

[Anonymous]

Complete different phases of life. You're both infatuated with men - you with your son, she with the possible future Mr. so and so.

Not everyone things that everything your child does is amazing.

The first two years of my daughter's life...I talked about her NON stop. Until one day I realized, the only friends I had left....were mommy friends.

You're going through babyitis. You'll get over it. And she's going through new-loveitis. She'll get over it.

[Anonymous]

OP. This is why I love this. Honest answers.

I asked a mutual friend who of course was like, ugh how AWFUL she is.

I think you all are right. Will drop it and won't say anything.

[Anonymous]

How many times in the last year have you gone to NYC to see her? You seem to be mad that she is coming to town with her new boyfriend to spend the weekend with him and she is working to fit in a catch-up with you. Unless you have deliberately gone to NYC recently TO SEE HER SPECIFICALLY, you have nothing to complain about. She is doing more, not less, than you are to sustain the friendship.

[Anonymous]

When I had my first child years ago, I couldn't understand why anyone wouldn't be excited to see her. I would have been annoyed as well.

Now, I don't see it that way at all. And I have little interest in seeing other people's kids. Pictures on FB are all I need.