Loving Adopted/Stepchildren = Loving Biological children?

[Anonymous]

Step child is NOT the same as an adopted child.

I am surprised at the number of people who are mentioning step children when the thread clearly mentioned adopted children

An adopted child is your child as much as your bio child. And to repeat another poster, if you do not feel this way, you really absolutely should not adopt.

I always loved this quote......"An adopted child does not grow in your womb. He/She grows in your heart."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Step child is NOT the same as an adopted child.

I am surprised at the number of people who are mentioning step children when the thread clearly mentioned adopted children

An adopted child is your child as much as your bio child. And to repeat another poster, if you do not feel this way, you really absolutely should not adopt.

I always loved this quote......"An adopted child does not grow in your womb. He/She grows in your heart."

We mentioned stepchildren because OP did and was wondering at the difference in love for them/adopted kids/bio kids. We didn't all just jump in and start talking about basketball or something that had nothing to do with the original topic.

[Anonymous]

This is the OP, and I appreciate the thoughtful and honest responses. To the PPs criticizing me, if you read my initial post, we are not considering adoption. My relationship with the non-biological child in my household (my stepchild) got me wondering about the differences, if any, in relationships between a parent and their biological and adopted children. The honest answers from PPs have given me insight and helped me understand better.

The family is very open and generous and quite religious. Not wealthy, but they want to help another child in this world by bringing them into their home. They are wonderful parents and I'm sure their 4th child will be as blessed as the first three bio children.

[Anonymous]

"Step child is NOT the same as an adopted child."

How?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Step child is NOT the same as an adopted child."

How?

For one, you take legal guardianship of the adopted child and ARE their parent. You don't do that for a stepchild. For another, someone who adopts has actively sought that avenue and pursued in. Most people just sort of fall into stepchildren if the person they fall in love with happens to have a child(ren).

[Anonymous]

I have 2 bio kids, no stepkids.

I'll admit, it took me a while to love my second as much as my first. To be cliche about it, I think most people can "grow" as much love as they need to, but it takes a while. Could I love an adopted child as much as my bio kids? I think it would depend on the child, and especially how old the child was when adopted. I'm not sure I could love stepkids as much-- they're already "someone else's"-- but I think I could love them enough!

I was adopted as an infant, and though I can't see into my parents' minds or hearts, I never felt less loved for being adopted. My parents had adopted and bio kids, and (seemingly) loved us the same. I always felt different (but that's another story!), but I [i] never [i] felt less loved by my parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Step child is NOT the same as an adopted child."

How?

If you don't know, you should not be adopting or having step-kids. It absolutely is not the same. A child through adoption is your child, no different from birth. A step-child is yours through marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
If you don't know, you should not be adopting or having step-kids. It absolutely is not the same. A child through adoption is your child, no different from birth. A step-child is yours through marriage.

A child thru adoption is not the same as your own child.
It is someone elses child that you hope will not have any contact with its original family. And you might have to deal with the baggage that comes when and if that kid descides to trace its roots. And there are medical issues, psychological etc
But for many that is the only way they can have children.
For the adoptee a lingering sense of loss, a feeling of abandonement

[Anonymous]

A child thru adoption is not the same as your own child.
It is someone elses child that you hope will not have any contact with its original family. And you might have to deal with the baggage that comes when and if that kid descides to trace its roots. And there are medical issues, psychological etc
But for many that is the only way they can have children.
For the adoptee a lingering sense of loss, a feeling of abandonement

Holy, shit! You are messed up. Mother of both biological and adopted children and you have everything wroing.

My adoption children are my children. Period.
I fervently hope that they will someday be able to meet their biological family. I am secure enough in our family and our love not to be threatened by their biological parents.
There can be medical and psychological issues with any human being. There are not guarantees in life.
Some adoptees feel a lingering sense of loss, but not all adoptees. In fact, some individuals have a lingering sense of loss and unhappiness. It is life and no two people react to life the same.

Please do not spread this garbage. You cannot know what goes on in the hearts and minds of all adoptive parents, their children and their families. Please seek assistance for whatever is driving your bitterness.

[Anonymous]

Thank you, PP! AGREED! Really shocked at a lot of the comments on here. Adopted and/or biological children are equally your children....one does NOT rank higher than the other or count more. It is not a competitition. It is a child.

[Anonymous]

http://answers.google.com/answers/threadview/id/234997.html

Statistics prove that adopted kids are more likely to be abused

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

A child thru adoption is not the same as your own child.
It is someone elses child that you hope will not have any contact with its original family. And you might have to deal with the baggage that comes when and if that kid descides to trace its roots. And there are medical issues, psychological etc
But for many that is the only way they can have children.
For the adoptee a lingering sense of loss, a feeling of abandonement

Holy, shit! You are messed up. Mother of both biological and adopted children and you have everything wroing.

My adoption children are my children. Period.
I fervently hope that they will someday be able to meet their biological family. I am secure enough in our family and our love not to be threatened by their biological parents.
There can be medical and psychological issues with any human being. There are not guarantees in life.
Some adoptees feel a lingering sense of loss, but not all adoptees. In fact, some individuals have a lingering sense of loss and unhappiness. It is life and no two people react to life the same.

Please do not spread this garbage. You cannot know what goes on in the hearts and minds of all adoptive parents, their children and their families. Please seek assistance for whatever is driving your bitterness.

Don't engage the troll, PP. I recognize that poster's sense of writing and he/she is the same anti-adoption poster who will turn any thread on adoption nasty for their own agenda.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
If you don't know, you should not be adopting or having step-kids. It absolutely is not the same. A child through adoption is your child, no different from birth. A step-child is yours through marriage.

A child thru adoption is not the same as your own child.
It is someone elses child that you hope will not have any contact with its original family. And you might have to deal with the baggage that comes when and if that kid descides to trace its roots. And there are medical issues, psychological etc
But for many that is the only way they can have children.
For the adoptee a lingering sense of loss, a feeling of abandonement

You are completely clues. We have a very open adoption and love contact with the biological family. We talk and see each other regularly and consider each other family. We are the ones with the bond with our child and his birth parents and he will tell you very clearly he is OUR child and we are his parents. There are no more medical issues than if I gave birth to him. Same with psychological. It was not the "only" way we could have children. It was our preference and are so grateful every moment of every day we made the choice to do it. My child was never abandoned. He was placed out of love with us.

[Anonymous]

You know whats interesting, in my case it isn't that I 'love' my bio child more, it's that I'm more attached to him. I love all my children very much, but I have a stronger attachment to the one I physically brought into this world. I don't think it's wrong either. I treat my children fairly and dont play favorites, but I have an internal need to know where my baby is and how he's doing that I didn't have with the others when they were babies.

[Anonymous]

PP, I think that is sad really, really sad.....