Loving Adopted/Stepchildren = Loving Biological children?

[Anonymous]

When I met my finance I thought this is the guys for me. I remember him telling me during an early and intimate occasion that he had a vesectomy years ago and I cried. He has two boys and is one of the best dad's I've known. His kids are awesome. I'm really close to both of them but feel a great sadness in me regarding that line I've viewed so frequently on the net about it not being the same. I'm sure it's not. I'm entering my late thirties and am feeling like I've almost missed the train, maybe already have. I'm just about to get married and have for the most part driven into my mind that it's just not going to happen for me and that's okay, but honestly can't say that to myself without feeling a sadness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
If you don't know, you should not be adopting or having step-kids. It absolutely is not the same. A child through adoption is your child, no different from birth. A step-child is yours through marriage.

A child thru adoption is not the same as your own child.
It is someone elses child that you hope will not have any contact with its original family. And you might have to deal with the baggage that comes when and if that kid descides to trace its roots. And there are medical issues, psychological etc
But for many that is the only way they can have children.
For the adoptee a lingering sense of loss, a feeling of abandonement

No.

My adopted children are my children. Period.

If they decide to have contact with their birth families, I would be supportive and help them. And yes, I'll deal with issues come with their decisions and any medical or psychological issues they have too. That's what you do for your children.

I'm sorry for your pain PP, you sound like an adult adoptee whose parents were assholes. But lots of people have lingering issues because their parents were assholes, not just adoptees.

[Anonymous]

We have 2 children who joined our family through birth and one whom we adopted (all are bio -- no mechanical parts whatsoever -- last I checked, anyway). They're in their teens and early 20s (the 2 oldest got home late last night . I love them all equally and I love each in a different way -- how could I not? They're different people and I am a different kind of parent with each of them. But I'd take a bullet for any of them. I light up when I see them accomplish a goal they've been working toward. If they suffer heartbreak or disappointment, I feel their pain. They all make me laugh more than anyone else I know (except DH, of course, who is truly the funniest man I know). They all can make me angrier than anyone else I know (except DH, who is truly the most stubborn man I know). They are healthy, kind, and coming into their own as creative, adventurous and loving young people. I love seeing them together because they're each other's biggest fans, and that's what I'm most grateful for this Thanksgiving.