Being slow faded :(

[Anonymous]

Have you had a relationship before?

You can't sustain having a relationship call every night for 1-2 hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you had a relationship before?

You can't sustain having a relationship call every night for 1-2 hours.

This early on? Isn't this part of new relationship energy?

[Anonymous]

NRE always fades by definition. Sometimes it fades after a week and sometimes it fades after ten weeks.

Talk to him or don’t. Fǔq him again or don’t.

Seems you just want to argue with people.

[Anonymous]

Talking for 1-2 hours every night is a lot. It’s easier when you’ve just met the person and are still getting to know each other. Why don’t you suggest seeing each other more than twice a week? Spending time in person is easier and more enjoyable IMO because you don’t need to have nonstop conversation for hours. If he’s resistant to that (without a good reason), maybe things are fading. If he’s open to it, maybe the relationship is just moving to a more comfortable phase (which is a good thing). If he is resistant, though, have a conversation rather than just letting things fade.

[Anonymous]

I have lots of experience on dating apps. Met my first and current husband on them. And a few boyfriends in between. IMO there is no such thing as a slow start to a committed LT relationship IRL or on the apps. Either they are available and want to be with you or not. And if they are, they engage with urgency. IRL this means they ask for your number and ask you out within 1-2 conversations. Online, they message a bit and ask you out within a week or they never will.

I've seen friends meet someone online for a hookup but fall in love and have a LTR. But that is instant. The minute he decides he wants to be with you, he makes it crystal clear.

The minute someone starts to withdraw, move on. That is not going to go anywhere.

[Anonymous]

I forgot to add that once you're on that first date within a week, he needs to immediately (within a week or so) start to wrap things up with any other women he's chatting with to make room to focus on you. He should be trying to see you as soon as you're free again. No waiting for the weekend to do 1xweek dates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I forgot to add that once you're on that first date within a week, he needs to immediately (within a week or so) start to wrap things up with any other women he's chatting with to make room to focus on you. He should be trying to see you as soon as you're free again. No waiting for the weekend to do 1xweek dates.

This is helpful. Thank you!

We have known each other for 6 months where I was dating multiple guys until I became exclusive with him late March.

I don’t feel like this is heading in the direction I’d like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I forgot to add that once you're on that first date within a week, he needs to immediately (within a week or so) start to wrap things up with any other women he's chatting with to make room to focus on you. He should be trying to see you as soon as you're free again. No waiting for the weekend to do 1xweek dates.

This is helpful. Thank you!

We have known each other for 6 months where I was dating multiple guys until I became exclusive with him late March.

I don’t feel like this is heading in the direction I’d like.

So instead of talking to him you're just going to let it ruin the relationship. Smart. You sound kind of exhausting. Wanting to talk to someone on the phone every day for 1-2 hrs isn't realistic. It's not long term. And instead of talking to him about it (maybe he's stressed,maybe he's not feeling well, maybe he's had non cheating stuff to do " you've decided the relationship is heading in a bad direction. It's an incredibly immature response.

[Anonymous]

He’s just not that into you.

I have dated busy men who find time for you. It is so easy to blow you off. My now husband used to want to see me (have sex) everyday. None of this slow fade talking and texting.

I think the problem with dating these days is that people are always still on the dating apps. It is so easy to become interested in someone else.

[Anonymous]

He did too much from the beginning. It's about time to cool it and live in real world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I forgot to add that once you're on that first date within a week, he needs to immediately (within a week or so) start to wrap things up with any other women he's chatting with to make room to focus on you. He should be trying to see you as soon as you're free again. No waiting for the weekend to do 1xweek dates.

This is helpful. Thank you!

We have known each other for 6 months where I was dating multiple guys until I became exclusive with him late March.

I don’t feel like this is heading in the direction I’d like.

So, I was in this exact situation but on the other side.

I dated a great guy for about 6 months. I really liked him, but his demands on my time were high. He also wanted to talk 2 hours a day on the phone, in addition to seeing each other quite a bit, texting every day, etc.

I started withdrawing/slow fading because it was all too much for me. So much of my energy went into these phone conversations that I had none left to actually fuel the relationship. I started feeling resentful, stopped going on dated with him, etc. Which, of course, made him anxious and clingier and want more from me. Eventually I snapped when he called me when I really didn’t want to talk and ended things.

In retrospect I wish we had just talked about it, maybe cooled things off, stopped talking every day, etc. But I think we were both too scared of how the other person would react. I was worried if I asked for more space and distance, he would start seeing others and leave. I did really like the guy, but I can’t keep up with all those phone conversations.

So just talk to him! Ask him what’s going on. Don’t play games.

[Anonymous]

I would not try to ask what happened. It’s not just the calls but him no longer flirting, complimenting you that’s problematic.
In such cases I mirror the man’s behavior and resume actively dating others. Men always sense your shifted focus. He will disappear completely or actively come back to get you back

[Anonymous]

Take the hint … He’s not that into you.

[Anonymous]

1-2 hours a day on the phone is a LOT. But I agree with the above posters - address the issue directly with him. If he's slow fading, then nothing lost, right? If he's just overworked, or finds that the phone time is too much for him, then you can work it out.

Be brave, you can do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s just not that into you.

I have dated busy men who find time for you. It is so easy to blow you off. My now husband used to want to see me (have sex) everyday. None of this slow fade talking and texting.

I think the problem with dating these days is that people are always still on the dating apps. It is so easy to become interested in someone else.

I’d been reading DCUM for years while I was married and believed when people said that everybody is dating multiple partners, at least for the first several months. After I separated and created a dating profile, I assumed that every man I meet isn’t serious about me yet and is dating others. Therefore I didn’t consider having a committed relationship with anyone from the start, and I wasn’t even emotionally available at that time. I ended up hurting several men because of that. They were so excited to meet me, and some of them made it clear right away that they want to date me exclusively and got very upset and disappointed when I told them that it wouldn’t be possible.

I ended up dating one man casually, and when I became ready for a real relationship, I created a new profile and decided that I’m not going to meet with a man unless he is a good candidate for a long-term relationship with me. When I met my boyfriend for the first time, at the end of the first date he made it clear that he wants an exclusive relationship with me, and in 4 days he asked me to become his girlfriend. We deleted our dating profiles and are now sharing locations - have nothing to hide. So no, not everyone is always on the dating apps.