Overbearing parents of adult children

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s no reason as to why they need to tell her when and what dinner to eat, when to go to bed, and when to come back home. They just do. She’s an adult and doesn’t get adult freedoms. -OP

They most certainly can. Unless she is financially independent and living in her own home that she pays for, they can dictate these things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Financing your own life? Then your parents have no say. That's the goal. Work hard to get there as soon as you can.

This.

My mom was overbearing AF. But once I was out of college and on my own, what could she realistically demand and what leverage did she have?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s no reason as to why they need to tell her when and what dinner to eat, when to go to bed, and when to come back home. They just do. She’s an adult and doesn’t get adult freedoms. -OP

Who bought the food and cooked the dinner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s no reason as to why they need to tell her when and what dinner to eat, when to go to bed, and when to come back home. They just do. She’s an adult and doesn’t get adult freedoms. -OP

Is this your friend, OP, or yourself?

The most powerful wins. That's the law of the jungle. As long as this young person is dependent on her parents, they can choose to be very intrusive, and as long as it's not abuse (and it is not!)... no one can do anything about it.

Better learn that now.

For my friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s no reason as to why they need to tell her when and what dinner to eat, when to go to bed, and when to come back home. They just do. She’s an adult and doesn’t get adult freedoms. -OP

They most certainly can. Unless she is financially independent and living in her own home that she pays for, they can dictate these things.

You don’t think it’s a ridiculous and inappropriate to make an 18 year old have a bedtime? Just because they pay for things, doesn’t mean they can control an adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s no reason as to why they need to tell her when and what dinner to eat, when to go to bed, and when to come back home. They just do. She’s an adult and doesn’t get adult freedoms. -OP

Who bought the food and cooked the dinner?

Forcing them to eat the dinner their parents made, instead of the food they bought with their own money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s no reason as to why they need to tell her when and what dinner to eat, when to go to bed, and when to come back home. They just do. She’s an adult and doesn’t get adult freedoms. -OP

They most certainly can. Unless she is financially independent and living in her own home that she pays for, they can dictate these things.

You don’t think it’s a ridiculous and inappropriate to make an 18 year old have a bedtime? Just because they pay for things, doesn’t mean they can control an adult.

Not at all. If your friend was more responsible they wouldn’t have to set rules for her. Sounds like she’s not ready for college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s no reason as to why they need to tell her when and what dinner to eat, when to go to bed, and when to come back home. They just do. She’s an adult and doesn’t get adult freedoms. -OP

Who bought the food and cooked the dinner?

Forcing them to eat the dinner their parents made, instead of the food they bought with their own money?

You need to myob. The fact you are questioning their parenting makes me wonder if you were raised by squirrels

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s no reason as to why they need to tell her when and what dinner to eat, when to go to bed, and when to come back home. They just do. She’s an adult and doesn’t get adult freedoms. -OP

They most certainly can. Unless she is financially independent and living in her own home that she pays for, they can dictate these things.

You don’t think it’s a ridiculous and inappropriate to make an 18 year old have a bedtime? Just because they pay for things, doesn’t mean they can control an adult.

Not at all. If your friend was more responsible they wouldn’t have to set rules for her. Sounds like she’s not ready for college.

All people should aim for bedtimes. Sleep is very important. Your friend sounds irresponsible. Anyway who cares. Its a rule about health. Worth doing for 1 year to get into a good habit. Most college kids wish they could have a bedtime. She will be up late soon enough.

[Anonymous]

Looking back, I should have left and taken student loans.

My parents made it difficult to apply to any schools they disapproved of by not providing me with a way to pay for the application. I lived in the burbs and didn’t have a checking account and was 17 so I assume couldn’t get one in my own even if I did walk down a four lane highway to a bank.

I attended my in-state college and my parents performed “checks” with my car to make sure I was there at night. I wasn’t allowed to drive at night. They also made me submit report cards to them. They were aghast and so angry when they found out that age 18, they couldn’t just call the college and get my grades. They thought they owned me.

[Anonymous]

If she's at HS, bedtime rules are necessary. If parents pay for college, they want the kid to have good grades and pass AP exams to lighten the load. My 16 yo has bedtime, as otherwise he'd stay up til 2 playing video games. Food? Does she pay for hers and cook? If mom cooks dinner, she wants everyone to eat at the same time. It's very annoying to have to then cater to a 18 yo when she doesn't bother to come to the table with everyone else. My 16 yo sometimes wants dinner at 10 pm! Sorry, it's past MY bedtime. Bottom line: you don't get adult freedoms if you don't have adult responsibilities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this 18/19 year old’s life fully funded by their parents and do they live at home rent free?

The more dependence on your parents for your day to day life makes some parents feel like they have more of a say in decisions.

The easiest way to avoid overbearing parents is to live independently.

She’s still in HS right now, but going to college. They still treat her like a child, not only over big things, but also small everyday things, like eating dinner or what time to go to bed.

Tell her to be more responsible. She is a child. You constantly make similar posts. Tell her to grow up, get a job, pay her own bills and move out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looking back, I should have left and taken student loans.

My parents made it difficult to apply to any schools they disapproved of by not providing me with a way to pay for the application. I lived in the burbs and didn’t have a checking account and was 17 so I assume couldn’t get one in my own even if I did walk down a four lane highway to a bank.

I attended my in-state college and my parents performed “checks” with my car to make sure I was there at night. I wasn’t allowed to drive at night. They also made me submit report cards to them. They were aghast and so angry when they found out that age 18, they couldn’t just call the college and get my grades. They thought they owned me.

If they are paying for college its not unresasonable to except to see a report card. My spouses kid refused to let them know anything about college, costs or grades and demanded money... Nope. They are $400K in debt right now. Good luck to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s no reason as to why they need to tell her when and what dinner to eat, when to go to bed, and when to come back home. They just do. She’s an adult and doesn’t get adult freedoms. -OP

They most certainly can. Unless she is financially independent and living in her own home that she pays for, they can dictate these things.

You don’t think it’s a ridiculous and inappropriate to make an 18 year old have a bedtime? Just because they pay for things, doesn’t mean they can control an adult.

In HS, senior, exam time. They are right. She's 18, get a job and move out. Provide her own health insurance, phone, transportation, food, etc.

[Anonymous]

If someone else pays for your "things", you're not an adult. An adult pays for their own "things". Even an old proverb says: He who pays the piper calls the tune. Meaning, the one who pays, decides.