Bath at sleepover involving another parent

[Anonymous]

It's weird.

FWIW, I remember sleeping over a friend's house in third grade and being expected to share a bath with my friend while her mom stayed in the room and chatted with us. I felt uncomfortable about it but was too shy to say "no," and that was the last time I had a sleepover there.

So don't assume he's 100% okay with it. I wouldn't harp on the situation, but you should let him know that you understand it may have felt strange to him and that it would have been okay for him to ask to bathe privately.

[Anonymous]

If your child is not indicating anything amiss, I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. My boys didn't do sleepovers at 8 but every kid is different!

As a mental health professional, it would be a really good time to talk to him about safety rules, private parts of his body, consent, no secrets etc. This is a really good resource for prevention:

https://www.hollyshouse.org/uploads/3/2/0/9/32090669/tfss-coreconcepts.pdf

[Anonymous]

Hose them outside, give them towels to take off dirty clothes outside and wrap towels for privacy . Separate showers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it odd. Why on earth couldn’t she send them to take showers individually?.

This. Having him shower is fine. But separately and not her helping.

[Anonymous]

Here’s how I would have done it back in the day (kids are teens now). If they really are all covered in mud, I would have hosed them down outside, made them strip off everything but underwear inside the door and sent them right upstairs to shower. Tell them to toss the undies outside the bathroom door. Given everyone clean clothes and run a load so that hopefully your kids clothes will be clean before going home. If your kid comes out still dirty, tell them to go back and and ask if they need help washing their hair. If your kid says yes, I’m going in. I’ve seen tons of boy parts and they’re eight. I’m not the one with the evil brain if that’s where your brain goes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I appreciate the replies and im glad to see several see it as NBD. I don't really see it as a BD either just think I would have called first.

For those that say no way my kid would have agreed to it. My son is a rule follower and doesn't question when another adult tells him to do something. Me..he always questions me...but not others. Lol

He didn't seem to be bothered by it and probably wouldn't have said anything but when I told him to go take a bath he said he did last night. He usually does every other night unless needed. Which is when I questioned it and he filled me in.

I'm a rule follower too, that's how I ended up being abused by a relative. Wake up OP! Protect your kids. An 8 year old being bathed by anyone is weird and not normal. What would you say if he told you she rubbed/touched his P, but it wasn't in a shared bath? Would that be a BD? How is this any different?

[Anonymous]

I would use it as an example of times he should speak up with if something makes him uncomfortable. 'Mr Smith, I am going to wait till Larlo is finished to jump in the tub'. I am fine on my own. You could role play the situation

[Anonymous]

It's odd unless there is a close relationship and this has happened before. We are super close friends with a family and they have 2 girls same age as ours. We do a ton of sleep overs and the little girls bathe together and the big ones do too with one mom in the room. But they all have known each other since the oldest were 3. But if at any point any kid tells me they want to take their own shower, that's totally cool too. I always ask if they want to bath together and so far it's a resounding yes crime everyone.
We have had other sleepovers and those kids never bathed with mine and everyone takes a separate showers and I just vie a towel and walk away. After about age 7/8.

[Anonymous]

Gross. If this is really true (not saying your son made this up, saying you're atroll) you need to talk to the mom and not have your son over there again. Off she does anything else to your son, you need to call the police.

And it's totally OK if your son wants nothing to do with his friend and ghost too. But tippy need to follow up with mom and at the least tell her you're watching her

[Anonymous]

That is very weird and I would not allow him to sleep over there again.

100 years ago, it would have been normal. Now? Not so much.

[Anonymous]

Ways to avoid some other adult bathing your 8 year-old. Step 1: don’t allow sleepovers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ways to avoid some other adult bathing your 8 year-old. Step 1: don’t allow sleepovers.

With what we know now about the presence of pedos in US society, I am no longer allowing sleepovers.

Not saying this woman in a pedo, but that is definitely weird to wash down a kid who is not yours without permission from the parent. He could have just taken a shower.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have hosed them down outside with their clothes on and then sent them each in for separate showers.

This. WTH is wrong with that lady. There is also zero chance my 8 year old would be ok with this and if he’s not ok with it then it’s SA.

Cultural norms maybe? Or was it meant to be punishment, like she was angry about mud so had them immediately get in the tub? Also weird that your son didn’t say anything. Mine would find it super embarrassing.

[Anonymous]

Weird but not hugely out of the realm of normal in some families. I would not make a deal out of it with the mom but I would work on coaching your kid about his own boundaries. Your kid should not be a “rule follower” when it comes to his own body and his own boundaries. This is the teachable moment that you expand into other examples where it is okay to say no, and coach him into how to assert himself.

I’d also hold off on any more sleepovers until he can speak up for himself more confidently…12 or 13 at least.

[Anonymous]

That’s weird. Hopefully that’s all it was and nothing more than weird. I would not allow my kid to sleep over there again.