13yo feels left out without phone

[Anonymous]

You husband is not healthy. No healthy grown- up throws a phone and gives cold shoulder. He is not in control of his emotions. Reminds me a old man I dated once who threw a tantrum on second date.
Any chance you can get out of that marriage?
How did the kid get in trouble so fats. She also has no control of her feelings and actions.
I think the kid inherited what he has.

[Anonymous]

Get a divorce. This man likes to control women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry strict parents, but in today's world you are socially harming your kid by not letting them have a phone.

I was that kid in the 90s. Guess what, when I got to college I was a freak and did everything I could that was bad.

+1. My kids are in college so I don’t know what percentage of kids don’t have phones. But in parenting you have to make trade-offs between enforcing your perfectly sensible instincts and allowing your kid to be corrupted by the world so they can be part of society. You can draw certain lines but cutting your kid off from contact with other teens is really detrimental.

[Anonymous]

When my children started middle school, it was time to give them a phone because they were transiting on their own.
My daughter received the really old iphone 3 that we had lying around after she was born. It could accomplish the tasks we needed - phone calls and texts. She was horrifically embarassed about it but then came home saying all her friends thought it was cool. And, by the way, so-and-so's parents gave them a FLIP phone, whoa and so-and-so had an old slider.

Meanwhile, on the other end of town, my friend who sent her children to the tony privates was coerced by her children to get them the latest iphone at nearly 1K each because the social stakes were too high not to.

[Anonymous]

^^ Meant to say I don’t know what percentage of 13 year olds don't have phones.

[Anonymous]

My kid has an iPad she uses to communicate with friends. Would that work?

[Anonymous]

Poor kid has no way of communicating with her friends.

She can having texting without access to social media.

Apple Watch works well for us. My 13 yr can make plans without me. As it should be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband has a 13 year old daughter, and lately she’s been begging him to buy her a new iPhone. He keeps saying no. She gets really upset—crying, yelling, saying all her friends have one and she feels left out and even bullied.

Right now she doesn’t have any personal devices, just TV at home. I get why he’s strict, but I also remember being that age, and how important it felt to stay connected to friends. I also think about safety and being able to reach her.

Sometimes she asks to use my phone to message her friends, and I’ve let her. Well today, she took my phone to school and was on social media during class, first thing in the morning. The school contacted my husband, and now he’s furious. Her school doesn’t allow kids to use phones, so now she’s in trouble with the school. My husband went to the school to pick up the phone early, and instead of handing the phone to me, he threw the phone in an another direction. He grounded her (which consists of writing repeating phrases, no electronics, no hangouts, nothing, only homework), and is also really upset with me, giving us both the cold shoulder.

I didn’t know she took it this morning—I would not have allowed that. But I also get that me letting her use my phone at all probably led to this.

What should I do now? How do I fix things with my husband, and also handle this going forward? Do all 13 year olds have phones? Shes insistent.

This is insane controlling DH.

He THREW your phone? Like on the ground? Another direction??

Are you both from a patriarchal society where where the husband is king, this is insane.

The rule of thumb is by 8th grade. Your step daughter is a social outcast, and I worry why he is boxing her in.

[Anonymous]

Research says phone in High school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just wondering, the age gap between daughter and OP, and between OP and husband?

I’m young, somewhere in 20s, but we’ve been married six years. Husband is 44.

PP nailed it. She is closer to daughters age then DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Poor kid has no way of communicating with her friends.

She can having texting without access to social media.

Apple Watch works well for us. My 13 yr can make plans without me. As it should be.

Do they have a home phone?? A locked down iPad for basic messaging and chatting about homework and silly stuff is fundamental to building friendships.

Yeah our kids didn’t have social media till 16, there is a lot of range here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband has a 13 year old daughter, and lately she’s been begging him to buy her a new iPhone. He keeps saying no. She gets really upset—crying, yelling, saying all her friends have one and she feels left out and even bullied.

Right now she doesn’t have any personal devices, just TV at home. I get why he’s strict, but I also remember being that age, and how important it felt to stay connected to friends. I also think about safety and being able to reach her.

Sometimes she asks to use my phone to message her friends, and I’ve let her. Well today, she took my phone to school and was on social media during class, first thing in the morning. The school contacted my husband, and now he’s furious. Her school doesn’t allow kids to use phones, so now she’s in trouble with the school. My husband went to the school to pick up the phone early, and instead of handing the phone to me, he threw the phone in an another direction. He grounded her (which consists of writing repeating phrases, no electronics, no hangouts, nothing, only homework), and is also really upset with me, giving us both the cold shoulder.

I didn’t know she took it this morning—I would not have allowed that. But I also get that me letting her use my phone at all probably led to this.

What should I do now? How do I fix things with my husband, and also handle this going forward? Do all 13 year olds have phones? Shes insistent.

There has to be more to this story.

Where is the mom in the picture? Have you met her? I almost wonder if he kidnapped his daughter and is isolating her so mom can’t track her down

“ Right now she doesn’t have any personal devices, just TV at home.”

[Anonymous]

Your husband throwing your phone and being emotionally abusive is much more concerning than SD and the phone.

What does her mom say?

[Anonymous]

I know a couple 13-14 year olds without phones. It does impact them socially. I have tried with my kids’ friends who don’t have phones to text parents and send invites to things so the kids are still included but it’s getting too hard to keep up with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just wondering, the age gap between daughter and OP, and between OP and husband?

I’m young, somewhere in 20s, but we’ve been married six years. Husband is 44.

Yeah teen phone aside, your relationship is screwed up…he’s treating you like his kid not his wife.