13yo feels left out without phone
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Anonymous
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My husband has a 13 year old daughter, and lately she’s been begging him to buy her a new iPhone. He keeps saying no. She gets really upset—crying, yelling, saying all her friends have one and she feels left out and even bullied.
Right now she doesn’t have any personal devices, just TV at home. I get why he’s strict, but I also remember being that age, and how important it felt to stay connected to friends. I also think about safety and being able to reach her. Sometimes she asks to use my phone to message her friends, and I’ve let her. Well today, she took my phone to school and was on social media during class, first thing in the morning. The school contacted my husband, and now he’s furious. Her school doesn’t allow kids to use phones, so now she’s in trouble with the school. My husband went to the school to pick up the phone early, and instead of handing the phone to me, he threw the phone in an another direction. He grounded her (which consists of writing repeating phrases, no electronics, no hangouts, nothing, only homework), and is also really upset with me, giving us both the cold shoulder. I didn’t know she took it this morning—I would not have allowed that. But I also get that me letting her use my phone at all probably led to this. What should I do now? How do I fix things with my husband, and also handle this going forward? Do all 13 year olds have phones? Shes insistent. |
Anonymous
| Well clearly she can't handle a phone so I'd tell her I'd think about it in another 3 or 6 months. |
Anonymous
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A kid who doesn’t have a phone is never gonna learn how to handle it.
I think it should get them in eighth grade so that they can learn the rules around them before they enter high school. Your husband is irrationally strict, but this isn’t your child so, as the step parent, you just have to watch him make mistakes. |
Anonymous
| He threw the phone? |
Anonymous
Yeah, she really blew it here! She took something not hers and then had the gall to use it in class and get in trouble with the school. At this point she doesn't get one for awhile as punishment for this behavior. My answer would be very different had this not happened... |
Anonymous
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You’re grounded for a week. Write a 3 sentence apology letter.
Why wasn’t your phone locked? |
Anonymous
| OP gave baby her first taste of meth. |
Anonymous
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You can’t reward a tantrum, and you are letting the kid get between you and DH.
My thirteen year old doesn’t have a phone and I know of one other, so it’s uncommon but not rare. Plus, some things are more important than fitting in. After this has passed over, talk about other ways to send messages - like a watch or iPad. There are muddle grounds hut you need to repair these relationships first. |
Anonymous
| Your husband has anger issues. He has no right to steal your phone, exactly what he’s angry that his daughter did. |
Anonymous
Most experts firmly disagree this is a mistake. |
Anonymous
Yes, it’s a little damaged now. |
Anonymous
I’m young, somewhere in 20s, but we’ve been married six years. Husband is 44. |
Anonymous
She’s been asking for months, he won’t budge so, I don’t think this changes much. |
Anonymous
Its locked, she knew the password. |
Anonymous
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Sorry strict parents, but in today's world you are socially harming your kid by not letting them have a phone.
I was that kid in the 90s. Guess what, when I got to college I was a freak and did everything I could that was bad. |