Is ‘networking’ really a factor in private school decisions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wondered if there would be a little networking benefit when we entered private, but my kid seems to have a knack for being besties with the solidly middle class kids. There does seem to be an inner circle of rich kids with powerful parents, along with some moms who are UMC but seem desperate for their kids to remain close friends with the power players. My kid is friendly with the circle (and with most other kids), but not an inner circle kid.

My middle class kid is highly charismatic, funny, smart, athletic. He became close with the inner circle of rich kids with powerful parents at a feeder private. Went on to an Ivy, currently a junior, and is straight in the center of the same circle there.

Our second son is very different. He doesn't gravitate to this crowd and neither is he embraced by them.

You either have "it" or you don't with the high flying crowd. And I'm not saying that having "it" is a good thing. It's not who I am and it's not where I would choose to be but you "get you you get" with regards to kids.

Just curious, does your son date within that crowd? Has he married into that crowd?

I believe that it’s easier for boys to break through socially than girls as women and teen girls act as gatekeepers when interacting with other women and teen girls. It’s that whole protecting resources and access to men who have said resources.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please do not even consider this.

Just because your kid sits next to the kid of a Master of the Universe in Chem 101 doesn’t mean your kid is in that circle.

In some cases these networks have been built over generations through marriage and business.

Their networking does not take place in a secondary school - it happens in private clubs and exotic locales where they all congregate.

Also you only get out of a network what you put in. A guy worth $100 billion is not looking to a single digit millionaire to add to his network. Same goes for his kid.

A network is not built on proximity. And other than an education, proximity is all a private school has to offer.

Aside from some of the hyperbole, this lines up with my experience at a prestigious boarding school in the 90's. I was UMC and really did not comprehend fully the level of wealth and the social networks of a certain group of the uber-wealthy kids. They all kind of knew each other even though they grew up in different places like Palm Beach, Paris, and Central Park West. I realized later it was even more than a country club type of thing -- it was an old money social circle thing. There was no way to truly break into it. Those kids had "friends" who were UMC but they were friends during the school year only. The friendships didn't endure after high school. And because a lot of those kids did not move on to typical careers (they don't really have to work but some of them "start companies") they were actually not even all that helpful from a networking perspective. More helpful in that sense were the UMC kids who ended up at top schools and are now heads of whatever at various banks or in politics.

Most of the kids who came from the old money circles were very polite and appropriate and would never have come out and said any of the above. Except for one guy who was quite clear once to a UMC friend of mine that he could sleep with (not the more explicit phrase he used) girls like her but he could never date her or marry her because it wouldn't fly in his social circle.

Understand, that old money doesn't really carry much weight anymore. The new money that has been created in just the last 30 years involves 100x more people and they have like 500x more wealth. I mean, there is a tech company founded three years ago by three MIT dropouts and Grok may buy it for $60BN...each of the founders will be worth more than the entire Rockefeller family is today.

It may be just as hard to break into this group, but the world of the ultra-wealthy is dramatically different from your day.

But it functions exactly the same.

In fact the new money/tech money is worse because they don’t believe in being polite or gracious like a good portion of the old money set used to.

They are very obvious in their disdain of anyone who does not have the money they have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please do not even consider this.

Just because your kid sits next to the kid of a Master of the Universe in Chem 101 doesn’t mean your kid is in that circle.

In some cases these networks have been built over generations through marriage and business.

Their networking does not take place in a secondary school - it happens in private clubs and exotic locales where they all congregate.

Also you only get out of a network what you put in. A guy worth $100 billion is not looking to a single digit millionaire to add to his network. Same goes for his kid.

A network is not built on proximity. And other than an education, proximity is all a private school has to offer.

Aside from some of the hyperbole, this lines up with my experience at a prestigious boarding school in the 90's. I was UMC and really did not comprehend fully the level of wealth and the social networks of a certain group of the uber-wealthy kids. They all kind of knew each other even though they grew up in different places like Palm Beach, Paris, and Central Park West. I realized later it was even more than a country club type of thing -- it was an old money social circle thing. There was no way to truly break into it. Those kids had "friends" who were UMC but they were friends during the school year only. The friendships didn't endure after high school. And because a lot of those kids did not move on to typical careers (they don't really have to work but some of them "start companies") they were actually not even all that helpful from a networking perspective. More helpful in that sense were the UMC kids who ended up at top schools and are now heads of whatever at various banks or in politics.

Most of the kids who came from the old money circles were very polite and appropriate and would never have come out and said any of the above. Except for one guy who was quite clear once to a UMC friend of mine that he could sleep with (not the more explicit phrase he used) girls like her but he could never date her or marry her because it wouldn't fly in his social circle.

Understand, that old money doesn't really carry much weight anymore. The new money that has been created in just the last 30 years involves 100x more people and they have like 500x more wealth. I mean, there is a tech company founded three years ago by three MIT dropouts and Grok may buy it for $60BN...each of the founders will be worth more than the entire Rockefeller family is today.

It may be just as hard to break into this group, but the world of the ultra-wealthy is dramatically different from your day.

Yes. It's not really about the money itself. It's about where the money has brought your family to this point. It's where your grandparents and parents went to grew up and went to college and socialized with that brings an expanded network and connections. It's knowing the same types of people. Now, that may have changed at this point. When I was in college, coming from a private school in Manhattan, with parents who attended HYP/seven-sisters and having gone to tennis camp and spending summers at a private club all gave me cred to hang with the other private school kids from across the country who knew people I knew or whose parents knew mine.

Now, a good friend of mine went to Harvard and her network with the old money crowd going into there was 10x mine and she couldn't break into the group that included the international jet set kids. That's a whole 'nother level/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please do not even consider this.

Just because your kid sits next to the kid of a Master of the Universe in Chem 101 doesn’t mean your kid is in that circle.

In some cases these networks have been built over generations through marriage and business.

Their networking does not take place in a secondary school - it happens in private clubs and exotic locales where they all congregate.

Also you only get out of a network what you put in. A guy worth $100 billion is not looking to a single digit millionaire to add to his network. Same goes for his kid.

A network is not built on proximity. And other than an education, proximity is all a private school has to offer.

What you said there just doesn't match reality. The majority of my kid's friends all attend the same private school. The annual alumni events are pretty impressive too, bringing them back to campus. The majority of these families have a net worth under $100 million so talking about billions makes you seem extremely unfamiliar with the area.

I was using “billions” as a hyperbolic example.

Forgive me for not being familiar with the exact net worth of every private school family in the Washington DC area.

And I believe the original poster asked about networking opportunities not whether alumni events are well attended and “impressive”.

Networking is the whole point of alumni events. I suspect you are not playing with a full deck of cards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please do not even consider this.

Just because your kid sits next to the kid of a Master of the Universe in Chem 101 doesn’t mean your kid is in that circle.

In some cases these networks have been built over generations through marriage and business.

Their networking does not take place in a secondary school - it happens in private clubs and exotic locales where they all congregate.

Also you only get out of a network what you put in. A guy worth $100 billion is not looking to a single digit millionaire to add to his network. Same goes for his kid.

A network is not built on proximity. And other than an education, proximity is all a private school has to offer.

What you said there just doesn't match reality. The majority of my kid's friends all attend the same private school. The annual alumni events are pretty impressive too, bringing them back to campus. The majority of these families have a net worth under $100 million so talking about billions makes you seem extremely unfamiliar with the area.

I was using “billions” as a hyperbolic example.

Forgive me for not being familiar with the exact net worth of every private school family in the Washington DC area.

And I believe the original poster asked about networking opportunities not whether alumni events are well attended and “impressive”.

Networking is the whole point of alumni events. I suspect you are not playing with a full deck of cards.

I don’t think you even own a deck cards.

No one is attending alumni events looking to make business deals or expand their social circle. Similar to your posts, it reeks of desperation.

[Anonymous]

It's part of the deal . . . same with certain sleepaway camps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I keep seeing the idea that people choose private schools for networking or access to certain circles. I’ll be honest, having kids has definitely expanded our social world in general, but I’m not sure I see how that would meaningfully differ between private and public in most cases.

For anyone who did factor that in, I’m genuinely curious: How did you even evaluate that ahead of time? What does that look like in practice?

Certain schools attract more people that are seeking to network and thus their communities are not great tbh. Not all schools are like this in large numbers - sure they have them but the key to your question is whether there are a LOT of them and yes a few schools attract this crowd in large numbers. Parent community not known to be nice at those schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please do not even consider this.

Just because your kid sits next to the kid of a Master of the Universe in Chem 101 doesn’t mean your kid is in that circle.

In some cases these networks have been built over generations through marriage and business.

Their networking does not take place in a secondary school - it happens in private clubs and exotic locales where they all congregate.

Also you only get out of a network what you put in. A guy worth $100 billion is not looking to a single digit millionaire to add to his network. Same goes for his kid.

A network is not built on proximity. And other than an education, proximity is all a private school has to offer.

Aside from some of the hyperbole, this lines up with my experience at a prestigious boarding school in the 90's. I was UMC and really did not comprehend fully the level of wealth and the social networks of a certain group of the uber-wealthy kids. They all kind of knew each other even though they grew up in different places like Palm Beach, Paris, and Central Park West. I realized later it was even more than a country club type of thing -- it was an old money social circle thing. There was no way to truly break into it. Those kids had "friends" who were UMC but they were friends during the school year only. The friendships didn't endure after high school. And because a lot of those kids did not move on to typical careers (they don't really have to work but some of them "start companies") they were actually not even all that helpful from a networking perspective. More helpful in that sense were the UMC kids who ended up at top schools and are now heads of whatever at various banks or in politics.

Most of the kids who came from the old money circles were very polite and appropriate and would never have come out and said any of the above. Except for one guy who was quite clear once to a UMC friend of mine that he could sleep with (not the more explicit phrase he used) girls like her but he could never date her or marry her because it wouldn't fly in his social circle.

Understand, that old money doesn't really carry much weight anymore. The new money that has been created in just the last 30 years involves 100x more people and they have like 500x more wealth. I mean, there is a tech company founded three years ago by three MIT dropouts and Grok may buy it for $60BN...each of the founders will be worth more than the entire Rockefeller family is today.

It may be just as hard to break into this group, but the world of the ultra-wealthy is dramatically different from your day.

Yes. It's not really about the money itself. It's about where the money has brought your family to this point. It's where your grandparents and parents went to grew up and went to college and socialized with that brings an expanded network and connections. It's knowing the same types of people. Now, that may have changed at this point. When I was in college, coming from a private school in Manhattan, with parents who attended HYP/seven-sisters and having gone to tennis camp and spending summers at a private club all gave me cred to hang with the other private school kids from across the country who knew people I knew or whose parents knew mine.

Now, a good friend of mine went to Harvard and her network with the old money crowd going into there was 10x mine and she couldn't break into the group that included the international jet set kids. That's a whole 'nother level/

"Couldn't break into" -- was that like an aspiration or something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please do not even consider this.

Just because your kid sits next to the kid of a Master of the Universe in Chem 101 doesn’t mean your kid is in that circle.

In some cases these networks have been built over generations through marriage and business.

Their networking does not take place in a secondary school - it happens in private clubs and exotic locales where they all congregate.

Also you only get out of a network what you put in. A guy worth $100 billion is not looking to a single digit millionaire to add to his network. Same goes for his kid.

A network is not built on proximity. And other than an education, proximity is all a private school has to offer.

Aside from some of the hyperbole, this lines up with my experience at a prestigious boarding school in the 90's. I was UMC and really did not comprehend fully the level of wealth and the social networks of a certain group of the uber-wealthy kids. They all kind of knew each other even though they grew up in different places like Palm Beach, Paris, and Central Park West. I realized later it was even more than a country club type of thing -- it was an old money social circle thing. There was no way to truly break into it. Those kids had "friends" who were UMC but they were friends during the school year only. The friendships didn't endure after high school. And because a lot of those kids did not move on to typical careers (they don't really have to work but some of them "start companies") they were actually not even all that helpful from a networking perspective. More helpful in that sense were the UMC kids who ended up at top schools and are now heads of whatever at various banks or in politics.

Most of the kids who came from the old money circles were very polite and appropriate and would never have come out and said any of the above. Except for one guy who was quite clear once to a UMC friend of mine that he could sleep with (not the more explicit phrase he used) girls like her but he could never date her or marry her because it wouldn't fly in his social circle.

Understand, that old money doesn't really carry much weight anymore. The new money that has been created in just the last 30 years involves 100x more people and they have like 500x more wealth. I mean, there is a tech company founded three years ago by three MIT dropouts and Grok may buy it for $60BN...each of the founders will be worth more than the entire Rockefeller family is today.

It may be just as hard to break into this group, but the world of the ultra-wealthy is dramatically different from your day.

Yes. It's not really about the money itself. It's about where the money has brought your family to this point. It's where your grandparents and parents went to grew up and went to college and socialized with that brings an expanded network and connections. It's knowing the same types of people. Now, that may have changed at this point. When I was in college, coming from a private school in Manhattan, with parents who attended HYP/seven-sisters and having gone to tennis camp and spending summers at a private club all gave me cred to hang with the other private school kids from across the country who knew people I knew or whose parents knew mine.

Now, a good friend of mine went to Harvard and her network with the old money crowd going into there was 10x mine and she couldn't break into the group that included the international jet set kids. That's a whole 'nother level/

"Couldn't break into" -- was that like an aspiration or something?

What an odd question to pose in a thread about people sending their kids to private schools simply because they aspire to expand their network.

[Anonymous]

Some of you seem to care an awful lot about money.

How about the opportunity to be around bright, funny, interesting people? (which can be found at many schools, public and private)

Do you really need to get something more out of it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please do not even consider this.

Just because your kid sits next to the kid of a Master of the Universe in Chem 101 doesn’t mean your kid is in that circle.

In some cases these networks have been built over generations through marriage and business.

Their networking does not take place in a secondary school - it happens in private clubs and exotic locales where they all congregate.

Also you only get out of a network what you put in. A guy worth $100 billion is not looking to a single digit millionaire to add to his network. Same goes for his kid.

A network is not built on proximity. And other than an education, proximity is all a private school has to offer.

Aside from some of the hyperbole, this lines up with my experience at a prestigious boarding school in the 90's. I was UMC and really did not comprehend fully the level of wealth and the social networks of a certain group of the uber-wealthy kids. They all kind of knew each other even though they grew up in different places like Palm Beach, Paris, and Central Park West. I realized later it was even more than a country club type of thing -- it was an old money social circle thing. There was no way to truly break into it. Those kids had "friends" who were UMC but they were friends during the school year only. The friendships didn't endure after high school. And because a lot of those kids did not move on to typical careers (they don't really have to work but some of them "start companies") they were actually not even all that helpful from a networking perspective. More helpful in that sense were the UMC kids who ended up at top schools and are now heads of whatever at various banks or in politics.

Most of the kids who came from the old money circles were very polite and appropriate and would never have come out and said any of the above. Except for one guy who was quite clear once to a UMC friend of mine that he could sleep with (not the more explicit phrase he used) girls like her but he could never date her or marry her because it wouldn't fly in his social circle.

Understand, that old money doesn't really carry much weight anymore. The new money that has been created in just the last 30 years involves 100x more people and they have like 500x more wealth. I mean, there is a tech company founded three years ago by three MIT dropouts and Grok may buy it for $60BN...each of the founders will be worth more than the entire Rockefeller family is today.

It may be just as hard to break into this group, but the world of the ultra-wealthy is dramatically different from your day.

Yes. It's not really about the money itself. It's about where the money has brought your family to this point. It's where your grandparents and parents went to grew up and went to college and socialized with that brings an expanded network and connections. It's knowing the same types of people. Now, that may have changed at this point. When I was in college, coming from a private school in Manhattan, with parents who attended HYP/seven-sisters and having gone to tennis camp and spending summers at a private club all gave me cred to hang with the other private school kids from across the country who knew people I knew or whose parents knew mine.

Now, a good friend of mine went to Harvard and her network with the old money crowd going into there was 10x mine and she couldn't break into the group that included the international jet set kids. That's a whole 'nother level/

"Couldn't break into" -- was that like an aspiration or something?

What an odd question to pose in a thread about people sending their kids to private schools simply because they aspire to expand their network.

DP. I agree - it sounds as though you or your friend are trying to break in? Many of us think that sort of thinking and networking regarding friendships or classmates if just gross. That is the difference - I would never try to network at my kids schools. I seek to attract similar like-minded parent freinds. The parents networking tend to be shallow and users in our experiences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wondered if there would be a little networking benefit when we entered private, but my kid seems to have a knack for being besties with the solidly middle class kids. There does seem to be an inner circle of rich kids with powerful parents, along with some moms who are UMC but seem desperate for their kids to remain close friends with the power players. My kid is friendly with the circle (and with most other kids), but not an inner circle kid.

My middle class kid is highly charismatic, funny, smart, athletic. He became close with the inner circle of rich kids with powerful parents at a feeder private. Went on to an Ivy, currently a junior, and is straight in the center of the same circle there.

Our second son is very different. He doesn't gravitate to this crowd and neither is he embraced by them.

You either have "it" or you don't with the high flying crowd. And I'm not saying that having "it" is a good thing. It's not who I am and it's not where I would choose to be but you "get you you get" with regards to kids.

Just curious, does your son date within that crowd? Has he married into that crowd?

I believe that it’s easier for boys to break through socially than girls as women and teen girls act as gatekeepers when interacting with other women and teen girls. It’s that whole protecting resources and access to men who have said resources.

Yes, he's dated two girls: one in high school and one in college. Both from that crowd. Not currently dating anyone (he's a junior in college) and not married.

I totally agree that it is easier to break in as a guy. He's been viewed as very datable by girls in that set as he's handsome and kind and down-to-earth. Some of the guys are jerks (shocking, i know). It remains to be seen if he's ultimately viewed as marriage material. Although he's hopefully going to be gainfully employed and reasonably successful as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wondered if there would be a little networking benefit when we entered private, but my kid seems to have a knack for being besties with the solidly middle class kids. There does seem to be an inner circle of rich kids with powerful parents, along with some moms who are UMC but seem desperate for their kids to remain close friends with the power players. My kid is friendly with the circle (and with most other kids), but not an inner circle kid.

My middle class kid is highly charismatic, funny, smart, athletic. He became close with the inner circle of rich kids with powerful parents at a feeder private. Went on to an Ivy, currently a junior, and is straight in the center of the same circle there.

Our second son is very different. He doesn't gravitate to this crowd and neither is he embraced by them.

You either have "it" or you don't with the high flying crowd. And I'm not saying that having "it" is a good thing. It's not who I am and it's not where I would choose to be but you "get you you get" with regards to kids.

Just curious, does your son date within that crowd? Has he married into that crowd?

I believe that it’s easier for boys to break through socially than girls as women and teen girls act as gatekeepers when interacting with other women and teen girls. It’s that whole protecting resources and access to men who have said resources.

Yes, he's dated two girls: one in high school and one in college. Both from that crowd. Not currently dating anyone (he's a junior in college) and not married.

I totally agree that it is easier to break in as a guy. He's been viewed as very datable by girls in that set as he's handsome and kind and down-to-earth. Some of the guys are jerks (shocking, i know). It remains to be seen if he's ultimately viewed as marriage material. Although he's hopefully going to be gainfully employed and reasonably successful as well.

Confused - which crowd are you talking about? He is trying to break in? I don't get it.

[Anonymous]

Using your kids school for your own social gain is weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Using your kids school for your own social gain is weird.

+1