Is ‘networking’ really a factor in private school decisions?

[Anonymous]

I keep seeing the idea that people choose private schools for networking or access to certain circles. I’ll be honest, having kids has definitely expanded our social world in general, but I’m not sure I see how that would meaningfully differ between private and public in most cases.

For anyone who did factor that in, I’m genuinely curious: How did you even evaluate that ahead of time? What does that look like in practice?

[Anonymous]

It can be viewed as joining a country club. Do you like the culture and types of families there or not? Are these the types of kids you want your own kids to be around? Do you already have friends who are parents at that school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It can be viewed as joining a country club. Do you like the culture and types of families there or not? Are these the types of kids you want your own kids to be around? Do you already have friends who are parents at that school?

Typically when you join a club, you know at least some of the members. When you join a school you rarely know who your kid's class will have in it and that is your main cohort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It can be viewed as joining a country club. Do you like the culture and types of families there or not? Are these the types of kids you want your own kids to be around? Do you already have friends who are parents at that school?

Typically when you join a club, you know at least some of the members. When you join a school you rarely know who your kid's class will have in it and that is your main cohort.

We knew multiple families at the school before we joined who were not specifically in our kid's class. In that sense, it is much like a country club. We knew the types of families there and the culture pretty well. We have made a lot of friends there since joining.

[Anonymous]

Please do not even consider this.

Just because your kid sits next to the kid of a Master of the Universe in Chem 101 doesn’t mean your kid is in that circle.

In some cases these networks have been built over generations through marriage and business.

Their networking does not take place in a secondary school - it happens in private clubs and exotic locales where they all congregate.

Also you only get out of a network what you put in. A guy worth $100 billion is not looking to a single digit millionaire to add to his network. Same goes for his kid.

A network is not built on proximity. And other than an education, proximity is all a private school has to offer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please do not even consider this.

Just because your kid sits next to the kid of a Master of the Universe in Chem 101 doesn’t mean your kid is in that circle.

In some cases these networks have been built over generations through marriage and business.

Their networking does not take place in a secondary school - it happens in private clubs and exotic locales where they all congregate.

Also you only get out of a network what you put in. A guy worth $100 billion is not looking to a single digit millionaire to add to his network. Same goes for his kid.

A network is not built on proximity. And other than an education, proximity is all a private school has to offer.

What you said there just doesn't match reality. The majority of my kid's friends all attend the same private school. The annual alumni events are pretty impressive too, bringing them back to campus. The majority of these families have a net worth under $100 million so talking about billions makes you seem extremely unfamiliar with the area.

[Anonymous]

I wondered if there would be a little networking benefit when we entered private, but my kid seems to have a knack for being besties with the solidly middle class kids. There does seem to be an inner circle of rich kids with powerful parents, along with some moms who are UMC but seem desperate for their kids to remain close friends with the power players. My kid is friendly with the circle (and with most other kids), but not an inner circle kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please do not even consider this.

Just because your kid sits next to the kid of a Master of the Universe in Chem 101 doesn’t mean your kid is in that circle.

In some cases these networks have been built over generations through marriage and business.

Their networking does not take place in a secondary school - it happens in private clubs and exotic locales where they all congregate.

Also you only get out of a network what you put in. A guy worth $100 billion is not looking to a single digit millionaire to add to his network. Same goes for his kid.

A network is not built on proximity. And other than an education, proximity is all a private school has to offer.

LOL I get the hyperbole, but there's a handful 100B people. Do better next time and just say 1B

[Anonymous]

Gosh, I could see networking to get into a private school, but getting into a private school to network, hmm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gosh, I could see networking to get into a private school, but getting into a private school to network, hmm.

Yea like networking definitely exists around any school, but choosing the school for the "networking opportunity"?🤔

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please do not even consider this.

Just because your kid sits next to the kid of a Master of the Universe in Chem 101 doesn’t mean your kid is in that circle.

In some cases these networks have been built over generations through marriage and business.

Their networking does not take place in a secondary school - it happens in private clubs and exotic locales where they all congregate.

Also you only get out of a network what you put in. A guy worth $100 billion is not looking to a single digit millionaire to add to his network. Same goes for his kid.

A network is not built on proximity. And other than an education, proximity is all a private school has to offer.

Aside from some of the hyperbole, this lines up with my experience at a prestigious boarding school in the 90's. I was UMC and really did not comprehend fully the level of wealth and the social networks of a certain group of the uber-wealthy kids. They all kind of knew each other even though they grew up in different places like Palm Beach, Paris, and Central Park West. I realized later it was even more than a country club type of thing -- it was an old money social circle thing. There was no way to truly break into it. Those kids had "friends" who were UMC but they were friends during the school year only. The friendships didn't endure after high school. And because a lot of those kids did not move on to typical careers (they don't really have to work but some of them "start companies") they were actually not even all that helpful from a networking perspective. More helpful in that sense were the UMC kids who ended up at top schools and are now heads of whatever at various banks or in politics.

Most of the kids who came from the old money circles were very polite and appropriate and would never have come out and said any of the above. Except for one guy who was quite clear once to a UMC friend of mine that he could sleep with (not the more explicit phrase he used) girls like her but he could never date her or marry her because it wouldn't fly in his social circle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please do not even consider this.

Just because your kid sits next to the kid of a Master of the Universe in Chem 101 doesn’t mean your kid is in that circle.

In some cases these networks have been built over generations through marriage and business.

Their networking does not take place in a secondary school - it happens in private clubs and exotic locales where they all congregate.

Also you only get out of a network what you put in. A guy worth $100 billion is not looking to a single digit millionaire to add to his network. Same goes for his kid.

A network is not built on proximity. And other than an education, proximity is all a private school has to offer.

What you said there just doesn't match reality. The majority of my kid's friends all attend the same private school. The annual alumni events are pretty impressive too, bringing them back to campus. The majority of these families have a net worth under $100 million so talking about billions makes you seem extremely unfamiliar with the area.

I was using “billions” as a hyperbolic example.

Forgive me for not being familiar with the exact net worth of every private school family in the Washington DC area.

And I believe the original poster asked about networking opportunities not whether alumni events are well attended and “impressive”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please do not even consider this.

Just because your kid sits next to the kid of a Master of the Universe in Chem 101 doesn’t mean your kid is in that circle.

In some cases these networks have been built over generations through marriage and business.

Their networking does not take place in a secondary school - it happens in private clubs and exotic locales where they all congregate.

Also you only get out of a network what you put in. A guy worth $100 billion is not looking to a single digit millionaire to add to his network. Same goes for his kid.

A network is not built on proximity. And other than an education, proximity is all a private school has to offer.

Aside from some of the hyperbole, this lines up with my experience at a prestigious boarding school in the 90's. I was UMC and really did not comprehend fully the level of wealth and the social networks of a certain group of the uber-wealthy kids. They all kind of knew each other even though they grew up in different places like Palm Beach, Paris, and Central Park West. I realized later it was even more than a country club type of thing -- it was an old money social circle thing. There was no way to truly break into it. Those kids had "friends" who were UMC but they were friends during the school year only. The friendships didn't endure after high school. And because a lot of those kids did not move on to typical careers (they don't really have to work but some of them "start companies") they were actually not even all that helpful from a networking perspective. More helpful in that sense were the UMC kids who ended up at top schools and are now heads of whatever at various banks or in politics.

Most of the kids who came from the old money circles were very polite and appropriate and would never have come out and said any of the above. Except for one guy who was quite clear once to a UMC friend of mine that he could sleep with (not the more explicit phrase he used) girls like her but he could never date her or marry her because it wouldn't fly in his social circle.

Thank you. This was exactly my point and also my experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wondered if there would be a little networking benefit when we entered private, but my kid seems to have a knack for being besties with the solidly middle class kids. There does seem to be an inner circle of rich kids with powerful parents, along with some moms who are UMC but seem desperate for their kids to remain close friends with the power players. My kid is friendly with the circle (and with most other kids), but not an inner circle kid.

My middle class kid is highly charismatic, funny, smart, athletic. He became close with the inner circle of rich kids with powerful parents at a feeder private. Went on to an Ivy, currently a junior, and is straight in the center of the same circle there.

Our second son is very different. He doesn't gravitate to this crowd and neither is he embraced by them.

You either have "it" or you don't with the high flying crowd. And I'm not saying that having "it" is a good thing. It's not who I am and it's not where I would choose to be but you "get you you get" with regards to kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please do not even consider this.

Just because your kid sits next to the kid of a Master of the Universe in Chem 101 doesn’t mean your kid is in that circle.

In some cases these networks have been built over generations through marriage and business.

Their networking does not take place in a secondary school - it happens in private clubs and exotic locales where they all congregate.

Also you only get out of a network what you put in. A guy worth $100 billion is not looking to a single digit millionaire to add to his network. Same goes for his kid.

A network is not built on proximity. And other than an education, proximity is all a private school has to offer.

Aside from some of the hyperbole, this lines up with my experience at a prestigious boarding school in the 90's. I was UMC and really did not comprehend fully the level of wealth and the social networks of a certain group of the uber-wealthy kids. They all kind of knew each other even though they grew up in different places like Palm Beach, Paris, and Central Park West. I realized later it was even more than a country club type of thing -- it was an old money social circle thing. There was no way to truly break into it. Those kids had "friends" who were UMC but they were friends during the school year only. The friendships didn't endure after high school. And because a lot of those kids did not move on to typical careers (they don't really have to work but some of them "start companies") they were actually not even all that helpful from a networking perspective. More helpful in that sense were the UMC kids who ended up at top schools and are now heads of whatever at various banks or in politics.

Most of the kids who came from the old money circles were very polite and appropriate and would never have come out and said any of the above. Except for one guy who was quite clear once to a UMC friend of mine that he could sleep with (not the more explicit phrase he used) girls like her but he could never date her or marry her because it wouldn't fly in his social circle.

Understand, that old money doesn't really carry much weight anymore. The new money that has been created in just the last 30 years involves 100x more people and they have like 500x more wealth. I mean, there is a tech company founded three years ago by three MIT dropouts and Grok may buy it for $60BN...each of the founders will be worth more than the entire Rockefeller family is today.

It may be just as hard to break into this group, but the world of the ultra-wealthy is dramatically different from your day.