Wedding culture - vent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Weddings are out of control. I'm of South Asian origin, have 3 weddings to attend this summer. Its going to be expensive.

Families are also spending a lot. South Asian ones are splitting the expenses but one is marrying a white woman and her family isn't contributing so he and his family are paying for everything. His wife started her first job last year after grad school and has huge student debt so can't contribute.

As they should since the expensive wedding is not her tradition.

[Anonymous]

Agree too expensive. Really like when bridesmaids asked to pick own dress in a requested color (means we might be able to wear again) and agree that older brides tend to be more laid-back about things.

[Anonymous]

What did you expect? You knew that you were going to have to buy a dress and help pay for the bachelorette party and/or wedding shower.
Maybe this is a little more than what you might have thought, but it’s not like it’s orders of magnitude more.

I thought that you were going to say that you were shelling out thousands for a weekend long bachelorette party in Miami, professional hair and make-up the day of, etc. etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weddings are out of control. I'm of South Asian origin, have 3 weddings to attend this summer. Its going to be expensive.

Families are also spending a lot. South Asian ones are splitting the expenses but one is marrying a white woman and her family isn't contributing so he and his family are paying for everything. His wife started her first job last year after grad school and has huge student debt so can't contribute.

Her family probably doesn't need or want the big lavish wedding.

LOL. Please. Everyone wants the big lavish wedding paid by the Indian ILs.

Not really. Some of us would rather have a small intimate ceremony and dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD has decided to not say "yes" to being a bridesmaid for anyone.

Smart DD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD has decided to not say "yes" to being a bridesmaid for anyone.

Yikes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in a wedding in a few weeks and am shocked at how time consuming this has become. And how do people afford to be in multiple? The one I’m in soon I’ve already spend $500 on the dress and alterations and just got hit with another bill for a chef that’s $150 per person. Totally insane and this isn’t even in a HCOL area - whole wedding is in northeastern North Carolina.

Is this normal?

Recycle an old dress. This chef payment thing is odd but young people aren't loaded so no harm. If someone doesn't want to pay, they don't need to go.

Oh but on a recent other thread people were losing their minds by some posters suggesting to the OP that they decline attending.

[Anonymous]

That is ridiculous. I got married in DC a few years ago, it was lovely and cost around $35K total. My bridesmaids had to purchase a $100 dress, pay for any alternations, and buy nude shoes (if they did not already have them). I had a suite at the hotel where we gathered the morning of and I paid for makeup, 3 of the 4 were local and stayed in their own homes during the wedding weekend. My bachelorette party was a one-night 'staycation' at an AirBnb, dinner and drinks out, and brunch the next day. It was so fun and IMO not excessive. Weddings have gotten so out of hand. I'm glad I have a smaller circle of friends and to date have only been asked to be in one wedding, which was low key due to it being during covid.

[Anonymous]

it was hurtful though to be the only bride in my friend group that was the last to marry and was totally respectful of their costs after I threw multiple showers bought whatever, traveled.

No one threw me a shower. Or anything in my bridal party after I had gone above and beyond for theirs (which they wanted)
Then I got cheap dresses and shoes of their choice and then they didn't do anything.

[Anonymous]

I have normal friends who did not do this. My 30 year old niece has normal friends who are not doing this. Their weddings are in outrageous places sometimes, but they're not charging her an arm and a leg for dresses, chefs, bachelorette parties, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weddings are out of control. I'm of South Asian origin, have 3 weddings to attend this summer. Its going to be expensive.

Families are also spending a lot. South Asian ones are splitting the expenses but one is marrying a white woman and her family isn't contributing so he and his family are paying for everything. His wife started her first job last year after grad school and has huge student debt so can't contribute.

Her family probably doesn't need or want the big lavish wedding.

Oh sweetie, Indian weddings may LOOK like they are outrageously expensive, but they are not nearly as expensive as they look. At least not the normal people ones - we are not all Ambani rich. I am confident that the vast majority of boring white people weddings in barns cost far more than my and my friends "lavish" Indian weddings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weddings are out of control. I'm of South Asian origin, have 3 weddings to attend this summer. Its going to be expensive.

Families are also spending a lot. South Asian ones are splitting the expenses but one is marrying a white woman and her family isn't contributing so he and his family are paying for everything. His wife started her first job last year after grad school and has huge student debt so can't contribute.

Her family probably doesn't need or want the big lavish wedding.

Oh sweetie, Indian weddings may LOOK like they are outrageously expensive, but they are not nearly as expensive as they look. At least not the normal people ones - we are not all Ambani rich. I am confident that the vast majority of boring white people weddings in barns cost far more than my and my friends "lavish" Indian weddings.

Irrelevant. This bride and her family clearly don’t want a big wedding. Why is the grooms family even involved?

[Anonymous]

I've always thought it was obscenely selfish to do the whole bridesmaid thing. If you love your friends...elope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD has decided to not say "yes" to being a bridesmaid for anyone.

Smart DD.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weddings are out of control. I'm of South Asian origin, have 3 weddings to attend this summer. Its going to be expensive.

Families are also spending a lot. South Asian ones are splitting the expenses but one is marrying a white woman and her family isn't contributing so he and his family are paying for everything. His wife started her first job last year after grad school and has huge student debt so can't contribute.

Her family probably doesn't need or want the big lavish wedding.

Oh sweetie, Indian weddings may LOOK like they are outrageously expensive, but they are not nearly as expensive as they look. At least not the normal people ones - we are not all Ambani rich. I am confident that the vast majority of boring white people weddings in barns cost far more than my and my friends "lavish" Indian weddings.

Irrelevant. This bride and her family clearly don’t want a big wedding. Why is the grooms family even involved?

I don't think it is a matter of wanting or not wanting a big wedding. It is that they are cheap. Or poor. Or dysfunctional. Or all of the above.

Why is the groom's family involved? Because groom does not come from a broke, poor and dysfunctional family. And groom is not an orphan.