I’m at my wits’ end with DH’s lack of communication

[Anonymous]

Why are you giving him the power over dinner? Make what you want for yourself and the kids every single night. Do takeout other nights. Or even Uber Eats, as it’s probably in your budget.

If he joins, he joins. If not, who cares.

This is the equivalent of being annoyed at your friend who always cancels. The advice is always stop making one-on-one plans with that person and have group events where the flaky friend’s absence doesn’t matter.

Take back your power OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you giving him the power over dinner? Make what you want for yourself and the kids every single night. Do takeout other nights. Or even Uber Eats, as it’s probably in your budget.

If he joins, he joins. If not, who cares.

This is the equivalent of being annoyed at your friend who always cancels. The advice is always stop making one-on-one plans with that person and have group events where the flaky friend’s absence doesn’t matter.

Take back your power OP.

Thanks! You’re probably right. I just love the times when he does call and I can just take the night off, so to speak. I feel so let down when he doesn’t give me a heads up. I guess I could incorporate “nights off” into my weekly routine, but it’s not the same thing as a spontaneous change of plans. I love those.

[Anonymous]

This is why Find My exists.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why Find My exists.

Admit you use this on DCUM and everyone will call it an invasion of privacy and chastise you for being paranoid and intrusive and controlling. Never mind it’s usefulness in situations like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop offering him food if he cannot communicate.

Stop offering him anything or requesting anything of him.

He’s selfish, doesn’t care, can’t remember jack squat, or all of the above.

Gurllllll. This.
OP read this …

[Anonymous]

Everyone who is telling OP she’s making too big of a deal has never been responsible for feeding everyone every night despite not enjoying it. It’s a very thankless job already if your kids are at all picky and takes a planning to have food available to cook and make sure people get all the food groups etc. it’s very disrespectful to act like it’s too much to ask to send a short text to let the person who is taking that on know you won’t be home.

OP, I’m the same way. I often text my husband about 30 minutes before I start cooking and make sure he will be home on time. I dislike this a lot but prefer it to cooking up a bunch of tofu or something that my kids will complain about. I do think all you can do is not care as much about your husband and have some easy nights built on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you giving him the power over dinner? Make what you want for yourself and the kids every single night. Do takeout other nights. Or even Uber Eats, as it’s probably in your budget.

If he joins, he joins. If not, who cares.

This is the equivalent of being annoyed at your friend who always cancels. The advice is always stop making one-on-one plans with that person and have group events where the flaky friend’s absence doesn’t matter.

Take back your power OP.

Thanks! You’re probably right. I just love the times when he does call and I can just take the night off, so to speak. I feel so let down when he doesn’t give me a heads up. I guess I could incorporate “nights off” into my weekly routine, but it’s not the same thing as a spontaneous change of plans. I love those.

You come across as bizarrely ritualistic/in need of permission. It’s weird AF. I really don’t think he cares what you make. Feels like you’re making this all up in your head.

[Anonymous]

Girllll.
You are not his momma.

Since he can’t properly communicate on dinner plans .. Let him figure out his what he’s going to eat.

[Anonymous]

Dinners from now on are whatever you would make on "off" nights. He doesn't like mac and cheese or cheese and crackers or a bowl of cereal? He can cooke something for himself. Problem somved!

[Anonymous]

Its no big deal and you and kids also deserve fresh and healthy dinners but it is rude and thoughtless so nucely communicate this to him as an insight and say a little effort to communicate better would be appreciated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Girllll.
You are not his momma.

Since he can’t properly communicate on dinner plans .. Let him figure out his what he’s going to eat.

Tit for tat and passive aggressive behavior, just push a family towards conflict and divorce. This is no way to improve a relationship.

[Anonymous]

You cook what you feel like cooking that evening and either he eats it or he doesn’t. Why are you making things complicated to cater to someone who can’t seem to spare you a second thought?

[Anonymous]

Similar issues here, but simple answer for you is to never make him anything or buy him anything that you didn’t actually really want yourself. If he asks why you don’t get him his favorites anymore, say that you can’t trust he’ll eve be there to eat it, and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you giving him the power over dinner? Make what you want for yourself and the kids every single night. Do takeout other nights. Or even Uber Eats, as it’s probably in your budget.

If he joins, he joins. If not, who cares.

This is the equivalent of being annoyed at your friend who always cancels. The advice is always stop making one-on-one plans with that person and have group events where the flaky friend’s absence doesn’t matter.

Take back your power OP.

Thanks! You’re probably right. I just love the times when he does call and I can just take the night off, so to speak. I feel so let down when he doesn’t give me a heads up. I guess I could incorporate “nights off” into my weekly routine, but it’s not the same thing as a spontaneous change of plans. I love those.

Some couples track one another’s phone so you could check at X time if he’s on his way.

[Anonymous]

Dh and I have been together for 27 years.

I think one of the reasons we have a strong marriage is because we want our partner to be as happy as we are. We do fight here and there, but we work really hard to hear what the other person is saying and to see their side. I’ve had to change some things about myself for my dh and he’s done it for me. No, we do not change everything, but we do as much as we can. And some things we have learned to let go.

I don’t think you’re asking a lot of him. A 5 second text is a very small ask. And as the one who always prepares dinner, this would bother me also.

And his diagnosis should not be an excuse. I have ADHD and I’ve had to work harder at things that come easily to others. I don’t just throw in the towel. Especially if it’s something my dh has repeatedly said he needs.

I’m not sure how to get through to your dh. Maybe write him a letter with pen and paper?

If you don’t think you can get him to see your side and change, then you start a list of his good qualities to remind you why you love him. If there aren’t that many to list, well…time for some deeper thinking if you know what I mean.