Do you have an age cut off on supporting adult kids?
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Anonymous
Depends on the kid and your financial situation. We don't want out kids to make sub-optimal life decisions due to financial constraints. We have two. Kid 1 is out of college, working at a great job, pays his own everything - rent, car insurance, cell phone, etc.. We paid to get him moved, furnish his apartment, etc. When he was in college he worked summers and held two jobs during the school year. He made good money, enough to cover rent, living expenses and max out Roth IRAs every year. Our promise was full college costs. The money we didn't spend on his rent and expenses, we invested in his name and turned over the account to him when he graduated..Fully weaned at 22. Kid 2 is in college. Not as enterprising as the first. He does work summer and saves money for a portion of his college living expenses but we do cover what we promised - tuition, rent and remaining living expenses. Any money we don't spend for him (he goes in-state so there's a huge gap in cost between what we spent for Kid 1 and will, for 2), we will hold in a separate account earmarked for his future and use that to subsidize him until he finds his footing. |
Anonymous
If you are gifting money for estate planning purposes you must have more than $30m in assets so maybe in a different position than OP. |
Anonymous
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I have college and high school kids. We pay for all the educational costs, clothes, electronics and room and board. If one were to ask for travel money or other frivolous add-ons, unrelated to a study abroad program, internship or job, then we would refuse. We haven't taken a trip together in a while, but we would pay for a joint vacation, of course. We are also ready to help them with a downpayment for a house or car down the road. But the fun stuff they need to pay themselves, and we hope they will get jobs that pay their rent and basic expenses at some point.
The complicating factor is that one of them is autistic, and the other has a chronic disease. We are expecting bumps in the road for both. |
Anonymous
this |
Anonymous
| No cutoff at this moment for our 26- and 29-year-old kids. We do now ask them to pay us back for their portion of the phone bill, but when it comes to bigger items like out-of-network therapy, we cover it. This way, they're accountable and cognizant of what they spend but are getting the best care we can afford for them. This almost certainly will end once we retire. |
Anonymous
Not true. Different states have different gift maximums before tax penalties kick in. My parents are in NY and have to keep their estate under roughly $7.4M. Maryland is much lower, I understand, at $1M. |
Anonymous
DP. This is a good point. DH and I are not in that tier so we do not do annual gifts. We have paid for college, first car, supplemented moving costs and paid the difference between HMO and PPO health care. |
Anonymous
Yeah, also it's standard advice that the tax code could always change. You can't count on federal exemption levels remaining where they are. |
Anonymous
If you can afford it, then you phase things gradually after they graduate. Housing is the highest expense usually for young people living alone or with significant other. If you already own a home with a room for your kids, then that's the least you can do for them (provide free housing) until they earn enough to rent or purchase their own. Everything else, IMHO, should be earned and paid for by the kid if they are working. You shouldn't be paying for their dining out, travel, clothes, car expenses, whatever furniture they want to upgrade their rooms with, etc. When it comes to groceries, I'd let my kids use our groceries if they want to cook at home, but I also would imagine they'd buy their own items that I wouldn't normally buy on their credit card and not mine. 
Life happens, and sometimes kids need more help than basic housing and are unable to hold a job to even buy items I listed. What would "cutting off" look like in this case? You let them live at home and eat out of your fridge for free, but they may not have any CC for dining out, travel, and other personal expenses except mere basics (hygiene and some clothing). It's a sad situation, but there are families in such predicament who didn't do anything wrong raising their kids. The other part of the situation is when you cannot afford to support your adult kids at all. it's rare here on this forum, but it's not uncommon for parents to have to downsize housing, or not having large enough housing to accommodate another adult living there full time (beyond some couch surfing). There are parents who are also so broke that they need their college age kids or even HS age kids to work to pay a portion of the family's rent. This was my situation growing up when I was a freshmen in college. |
Anonymous
| I had my mom’s credit card for at least my whole 20’s. I tapered use of it and then I think by 25 I only used it when she explicitly told me to, usually for family vacations or like, if I was shopping for Thanksgiving they hosted. But she would also tell me to use it for like, an interview suit, or something like that. They also gave me a check every year and still do, as part of their estate plans. |
Anonymous
This! While Federal is ~$15-16M per person, many states start with significant estate taxes over $1-2M. In my state first million is at 10%, and it progresses upward to 20% at $9M+. So most of us would prefer not to pay the state 10-20% on our estate, so we gift accordingly (and set up trusts). At least for now the federal isn't as much of an issue as it will continue to grow yearly from the $15M |
Anonymous
True but the one "beneficial" item that came from the BBB was solidifying Estate taxes at $15M+ and increasing yearly for inflation. No more end dates, so unless congress actively works to undo that it will not change (and I'd argue congress has much more to do than undo that) |
Anonymous
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At 19, he makes more money than I make. I don't see why he would need money from me.
We set him up quite well with a room to rent near college, 529, found him cheap health insurance, helped him to buy a car, built his credit, had him get his own credit cards, Roth IRA, investments account. We gave him a few ideas where to find a job. He filed his own taxes for 2025. He is not a dependent anymore. That said, he can always ask for money, but I don't see it happening. Summer is coming and he will be working full time to pay his bills. He barely has any bills and he is cheap. |
Anonymous
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My son’s summer job money has always been his fun money. I haven’t given any money for that since he was 16.
He started paying his own car insurance, gas, routine maintenance when he was 18. He also mostly buys his own food too now that he decided to live at home his senior year. He makes his own meals on Sundays for the week. It sounds like you’ve never stepped back on financing stuff your adult kids should be responsible for. |
Anonymous
They are not on their own.... |