Do you have an age cut off on supporting adult kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How would you handle this? DD is off to graduate school in the fall. She is moving to that town and we were planning on helping her with the cost of an apartment. Her boyfriend wants to move there too, and of course they’d want to share. Are we being forced to support the boyfriend here? He doesn’t have a lot of income. DD is acting oblivious to our point of view that we are not comfortable paying for a shared apartment.

This is was my exact situation in grad school. My parents ended up paying for my apartment, and my boyfriend and I had many happy years together. Although my parents pushed back at the beginning, I am glad they came around. At the end, I don’t think it was about the money, it was more about another milestone of my adulthood.

[Anonymous]

After college, no kore financial help. But my kid will always welcome to crash at home . I will always provide free accommodation , in utilities and WiFi. But my house, my rules

[Anonymous]

death I guess

[Anonymous]

A basic tenent is you live where you can afford. Can't afford the DMV? You don't live here then. If there's a reasonable chance that a lower salary is very temporary, then maybe.

What I can't stand is seeing parents highly subsidizing a young adult's lifestyle indefinitely. But that's just me. I keep my mouth shut because it's none of my business.

But I have far more respect for adults, who at least after college/grad expenses are living a lifestyle they can afford on their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:death I guess

The kid's death, that is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How would you handle this? DD is off to graduate school in the fall. She is moving to that town and we were planning on helping her with the cost of an apartment. Her boyfriend wants to move there too, and of course they’d want to share. Are we being forced to support the boyfriend here? He doesn’t have a lot of income. DD is acting oblivious to our point of view that we are not comfortable paying for a shared apartment.

This is was my exact situation in grad school. My parents ended up paying for my apartment, and my boyfriend and I had many happy years together. Although my parents pushed back at the beginning, I am glad they came around. At the end, I don’t think it was about the money, it was more about another milestone of my adulthood.

But why didn’t your parents just pay for half of rent and your boyfriend pay for his half either through his family or a student loan? I understand supporting you and accepting the boyfriend, but I don’t understand them subsidizing him with free rent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How would you handle this? DD is off to graduate school in the fall. She is moving to that town and we were planning on helping her with the cost of an apartment. Her boyfriend wants to move there too, and of course they’d want to share. Are we being forced to support the boyfriend here? He doesn’t have a lot of income. DD is acting oblivious to our point of view that we are not comfortable paying for a shared apartment.

It shows your hand holding because you have to ask this question for a grown ass adult. I don't think you would ever be off from helping her. You just want to feel wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think students need “skin in the game” for grad school to avoid becoming professional students. Rent and living expenses at a minimum, so for PP I’d pay the tuition but no more. If she doesn’t want to figure out her living expenses, I guess she doesn’t want to go that badly. Who she lives with is up to her.

ha! our son is a professional student. He has a career in academia/research and is finishing up his PHD and he is a lecturer at a university. The whole thing pays very poorly and we do subsidize him. We have always put a high high value on intellectual pursuit and are more than happy to help make his life more comrfortable. maybe one day he will discover a breakthrough that pays him handsomly, maybe not, but we feel very blessed to be able to afford him the opportunity to pursue his dreams and try to make better for the common good.