A few years ago, there was a woman here who 'tricked' her xH into giving her full custody....

[Anonymous]

Kids know neglect from age 12 onward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just be honest. Don't play games and hurt your kids. Waive child support or him paying for anything and tell him and them they can never see each other again. You will deeply hurt your kids but who cares as long as your wants are met.

Huh?

He kept opting out. Before long it was driven by him- too much work again, new work travel, long weekend trips with the new girlfriend.
No time for the pesky kids, just one bit major ski trip a year where he paid a guide to go around with his teens. And of course would buy them anything they asked for plus huge cash cards.

If he doesn’t see the kids aand supports them financially you got what you wanted. So where is the issue?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids know neglect from age 12 onward.

Being refused to custody is not neglect if he’s being prevented.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids know neglect from age 12 onward.

Being refused to custody is not neglect if he’s being prevented.

This post is about letting him drop off the kids whenever HE requests it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids know neglect from age 12 onward.

Being refused to custody is not neglect if he’s being prevented.

This post is about letting him drop off the kids whenever HE requests it.

No, it’s not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids know neglect from age 12 onward.

Being refused to custody is not neglect if he’s being prevented.

This post is about letting him drop off the kids whenever HE requests it.

No, it’s not.

What is it about then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tricked, as in, she was able to document that he regularly relinquished his custody time, and therefore she was entitled to full custody because he was not interested in parenting? Or just persuaded her husband to just formalize the fact that he hardly ever had the kids?

OP. The former. Going through this with my xH, he keeps giving up his custody time. He took off for 3 weeks a few months back with little notice, and this weekend he decided he didn’t want the kids because he didn’t feel like doing Easter.

I’m trying to be agreeable and am offering to keep the kids for most of the summer because he hasn’t been able to line up childcare for when he works. Rather than taking him to court, I’m hoping in the next year or two I can propose that I get custody of the kids. If I try to fight him he’ll resist, but if I play nice I think he’ll give in to it.

Ultimately it’s because I want to move back to my hometown, where I’ll have family support.

Also, he doesn’t pay child support. I’m willing to forgo that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tricked, as in, she was able to document that he regularly relinquished his custody time, and therefore she was entitled to full custody because he was not interested in parenting? Or just persuaded her husband to just formalize the fact that he hardly ever had the kids?

OP. The former. Going through this with my xH, he keeps giving up his custody time. He took off for 3 weeks a few months back with little notice, and this weekend he decided he didn’t want the kids because he didn’t feel like doing Easter.

I’m trying to be agreeable and am offering to keep the kids for most of the summer because he hasn’t been able to line up childcare for when he works. Rather than taking him to court, I’m hoping in the next year or two I can propose that I get custody of the kids. If I try to fight him he’ll resist, but if I play nice I think he’ll give in to it.

Ultimately it’s because I want to move back to my hometown, where I’ll have family support.

Also, he doesn’t pay child support. I’m willing to forgo that.

Why does he need to do Easter? Send a basket with the kids and be done with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tricked, as in, she was able to document that he regularly relinquished his custody time, and therefore she was entitled to full custody because he was not interested in parenting? Or just persuaded her husband to just formalize the fact that he hardly ever had the kids?

OP. The former. Going through this with my xH, he keeps giving up his custody time. He took off for 3 weeks a few months back with little notice, and this weekend he decided he didn’t want the kids because he didn’t feel like doing Easter.

I’m trying to be agreeable and am offering to keep the kids for most of the summer because he hasn’t been able to line up childcare for when he works. Rather than taking him to court, I’m hoping in the next year or two I can propose that I get custody of the kids. If I try to fight him he’ll resist, but if I play nice I think he’ll give in to it.

Ultimately it’s because I want to move back to my hometown, where I’ll have family support.

Also, he doesn’t pay child support. I’m willing to forgo that.

Do you (theoretically) currently split 50/50? It seems like a big leap from where you are to moving away.

[Anonymous]

I would just document document document and if he is truly not that interested he will move on to a new woman soon. When he is busy starting over you can bring your documentation to a lawyer and strategize. Get everything in writing. Don’t answer his calls; do everything over text/email and don’t proactively offer. If you do have a conversation in-person or over the phone follow up with an email “Hey just to confirm: you wanted me to take the kids for X dates, right?” You need to establish the pattern that HE is asking YOU to take them more.

[Anonymous]

And talk to a lawyer. Why is he not paying child support? Are your incomes similar enough that it evens out or should he technically be paying? If the latter, you may have some leverage to negotiate for moving away where you can have free help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And talk to a lawyer. Why is he not paying child support? Are your incomes similar enough that it evens out or should he technically be paying? If the latter, you may have some leverage to negotiate for moving away where you can have free help.

Different people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And talk to a lawyer. Why is he not paying child support? Are your incomes similar enough that it evens out or should he technically be paying? If the latter, you may have some leverage to negotiate for moving away where you can have free help.

Her income is probably much higher than his.

[Anonymous]

I'm not the poster you're talking about, but did play the long game with my custody file. I took them back every single time he didn't want them anymore. This was extremely inconvenient sometimes, but it wasn't my kid's fault that their dad couldn't deal. Often he'd bring one home at 9pm, the other would say they'd want to stay but then at 10pm the other one would be getting dropped off, too.

The kids were brought back to me:
- if they were in bad moods
- if he was in a bad mood
- if they had a cold and he wanted to go do something
- if they needed help
- if he wanted to see his married neighbor
- if they were talking too much
- if they weren't getting along
- if he had a bad day
- if they were hungry

He had hardly any time to begin with. I documented on a calendar page printout for each month, and when it came down to it, he barely actually had them. He didn't want to be a parent so he wasn't given parenting time. He wanted to have them, but they were little and they needed a parent. He did want custody, but honestly I think a lot of that was about the girlfriend.

His temper led to other abuse going on and his behavior and history of behavior caught up with him. He got supervised visits for a while until neither kid wanted to go to those because they were rough - the supervisor had to keep telling him to stop doing xyz.

Then, he wanted 50/50 parenting but we were way past that being any realm of possibility because by that point, he hadn't seen them in a long long time. He was given a list of things he could do if he wanted to resume contact (such as treatment for alcohol addiction, anger management, understanding age appropriate expectations for behavior, that the kids can't be blamed for his behavior, etc). He chose not to do any of it and that was it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not the poster you're talking about, but did play the long game with my custody file. I took them back every single time he didn't want them anymore. This was extremely inconvenient sometimes, but it wasn't my kid's fault that their dad couldn't deal. Often he'd bring one home at 9pm, the other would say they'd want to stay but then at 10pm the other one would be getting dropped off, too.

The kids were brought back to me:
- if they were in bad moods
- if he was in a bad mood
- if they had a cold and he wanted to go do something
- if they needed help
- if he wanted to see his married neighbor
- if they were talking too much
- if they weren't getting along
- if he had a bad day
- if they were hungry

He had hardly any time to begin with. I documented on a calendar page printout for each month, and when it came down to it, he barely actually had them. He didn't want to be a parent so he wasn't given parenting time. He wanted to have them, but they were little and they needed a parent. He did want custody, but honestly I think a lot of that was about the girlfriend.

His temper led to other abuse going on and his behavior and history of behavior caught up with him. He got supervised visits for a while until neither kid wanted to go to those because they were rough - the supervisor had to keep telling him to stop doing xyz.

Then, he wanted 50/50 parenting but we were way past that being any realm of possibility because by that point, he hadn't seen them in a long long time. He was given a list of things he could do if he wanted to resume contact (such as treatment for alcohol addiction, anger management, understanding age appropriate expectations for behavior, that the kids can't be blamed for his behavior, etc). He chose not to do any of it and that was it.

Op is t saying that’s the situation. They want specific ways to set up dad to fail to prevent him for seeing the kids. I.e. don’t answer dad’s calls, text or emails then claim no contact. Refuse visits then say he doesn’t see the kids. Have the kids make up stories of abuse and neglect - tell them they story enough times or bribe the, to believe it and repeat it. Have the kids refuse to go with dad by bribing them.