High earning women: what would you look for in a partner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have an equally educated partner. Now? A gorgeous well dressed and mannered boy toy 10 to 15 years younger

Ha, now that I’m older, it’s this.

But assuming I’m young like the OP asked: I would ideally want a man with a high earning potential, but that will drastically limit your choices. Men with money typically aren’t the greatest husbands.

I would rather have a good guy than a rich guy, BUT I would:

1. Not let him know about the money until after engagement but before marriage. That amount of money will change how someone sees you. You want to filter out for gold diggers, but also give enough time before marriage to see if he starts trying to spend that money.

2. Prenup and that money is yours. Not to be spent on frivolous things like vacations or toys. Use it to build generational wealth for your kids.

3. Go for a solid career because you never know what will happen BUT save that money in case you want to be a SAHM later on.

4. Probably the biggest one: get premarital counseling specifically around money and finances. Finances are the #1 cause of divorce, and you want to make sure you are both on the same page about money. And if you can’t get on the same page, don’t be afraid to break it off.

Curious why you said men with money typically aren’t the greatest husbands. Can you elaborate?

I've known a lot of wealthy men and I wouldn't want to be married to most of them. Typically controlling, yell a lot, cheat, see women as conquests, etc. Once a multi-millionaire asked me on a date; when I showed up at his house, he was doing coke with a stripper. Ended up hanging out with the stripper and she said he screams at her all the time.

I know someone will say "not all men!" but in my experience of spending time with millionaires and billionaires, they just don't make good husbands. Just look at the richest men in the world - nearly all of them have multiple divorces, cheating, abuse allegations, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have an equally educated partner. Now? A gorgeous well dressed and mannered boy toy 10 to 15 years younger

Ha, now that I’m older, it’s this.

But assuming I’m young like the OP asked: I would ideally want a man with a high earning potential, but that will drastically limit your choices. Men with money typically aren’t the greatest husbands.

I would rather have a good guy than a rich guy, BUT I would:

1. Not let him know about the money until after engagement but before marriage. That amount of money will change how someone sees you. You want to filter out for gold diggers, but also give enough time before marriage to see if he starts trying to spend that money.

2. Prenup and that money is yours. Not to be spent on frivolous things like vacations or toys. Use it to build generational wealth for your kids.

3. Go for a solid career because you never know what will happen BUT save that money in case you want to be a SAHM later on.

4. Probably the biggest one: get premarital counseling specifically around money and finances. Finances are the #1 cause of divorce, and you want to make sure you are both on the same page about money. And if you can’t get on the same page, don’t be afraid to break it off.

Curious why you said men with money typically aren’t the greatest husbands. Can you elaborate?

I've known a lot of wealthy men and I wouldn't want to be married to most of them. Typically controlling, yell a lot, cheat, see women as conquests, etc. Once a multi-millionaire asked me on a date; when I showed up at his house, he was doing coke with a stripper. Ended up hanging out with the stripper and she said he screams at her all the time.

I know someone will say "not all men!" but in my experience of spending time with millionaires and billionaires, they just don't make good husbands. Just look at the richest men in the world - nearly all of them have multiple divorces, cheating, abuse allegations, etc.

There's a big difference between a millionaire (most people on this site over 40) and a billionaire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have an equally educated partner. Now? A gorgeous well dressed and mannered boy toy 10 to 15 years younger

Ha, now that I’m older, it’s this.

But assuming I’m young like the OP asked: I would ideally want a man with a high earning potential, but that will drastically limit your choices. Men with money typically aren’t the greatest husbands.

I would rather have a good guy than a rich guy, BUT I would:

1. Not let him know about the money until after engagement but before marriage. That amount of money will change how someone sees you. You want to filter out for gold diggers, but also give enough time before marriage to see if he starts trying to spend that money.

2. Prenup and that money is yours. Not to be spent on frivolous things like vacations or toys. Use it to build generational wealth for your kids.

3. Go for a solid career because you never know what will happen BUT save that money in case you want to be a SAHM later on.

4. Probably the biggest one: get premarital counseling specifically around money and finances. Finances are the #1 cause of divorce, and you want to make sure you are both on the same page about money. And if you can’t get on the same page, don’t be afraid to break it off.

Also, what does it mean to you be on the same page about money? What would you want to be on the same page about?

What if the woman cares about money and a certain lifestyle and the man does not care about the lifestyle beyond financial security?

Often, one person is a spender and one is a saver. Men may see OP's money and want to spend it because there's "plenty". Or assume they won't have to work because OP will finance their lifestyle. Or the opposite, they may want to never touch that money while OP may want to be a SAHM for a few years, or they'll get upset if OP buys things they deem frivolous.

It can work between spenders and savers, but you have to figure out guidelines and boundaries first. If you can't get on the same page, resentment will build.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women care how much money a man makes. His money is her money, too.

A good man worth having does not care how much money a woman makes. He knows that her money will never be his money. Her money is her money, his money is their money.

That's my DH, my brothers, my dad, my son. And that allows the women to have careers, become mothers, look after the extended family, make the marriage strong. No one likes a man who calculates what the woman contribute.

I am not saying that it is not great to have a woman earning and then growing her money for future costs and standard of living. My money was untouched for the education of my kids. Then for their wedding. Then for their down payment of homes. My money went to our children. And for our future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have an equally educated partner. Now? A gorgeous well dressed and mannered boy toy 10 to 15 years younger

Ha, now that I’m older, it’s this.

But assuming I’m young like the OP asked: I would ideally want a man with a high earning potential, but that will drastically limit your choices. Men with money typically aren’t the greatest husbands.

I would rather have a good guy than a rich guy, BUT I would:

1. Not let him know about the money until after engagement but before marriage. That amount of money will change how someone sees you. You want to filter out for gold diggers, but also give enough time before marriage to see if he starts trying to spend that money.

2. Prenup and that money is yours. Not to be spent on frivolous things like vacations or toys. Use it to build generational wealth for your kids.

3. Go for a solid career because you never know what will happen BUT save that money in case you want to be a SAHM later on.

4. Probably the biggest one: get premarital counseling specifically around money and finances. Finances are the #1 cause of divorce, and you want to make sure you are both on the same page about money. And if you can’t get on the same page, don’t be afraid to break it off.

Curious why you said men with money typically aren’t the greatest husbands. Can you elaborate?

I've known a lot of wealthy men and I wouldn't want to be married to most of them. Typically controlling, yell a lot, cheat, see women as conquests, etc. Once a multi-millionaire asked me on a date; when I showed up at his house, he was doing coke with a stripper. Ended up hanging out with the stripper and she said he screams at her all the time.

I know someone will say "not all men!" but in my experience of spending time with millionaires and billionaires, they just don't make good husbands. Just look at the richest men in the world - nearly all of them have multiple divorces, cheating, abuse allegations, etc.

There's a big difference between a millionaire (most people on this site over 40) and a billionaire.

Yes, but if that millionaire's wife is a SAHM, in many cases he might as well be a billionaire because she's stuck. It's not the amount of money he has, it's the power differential it creates when one person has none.

I'm not the type of high net worth that OP described, but I'm a never married single physician/mom with some family money. For me, I was able to make unconventional choices without fear of judgement or financial insecurity. I had a child on my own and decided not to get married. I invested in real estate and the market and built a deeply rooted community around my job, DD's school, and our neighborhood. DD and I have a wide network of support; some of my married girlfriends express loneliness and I think it's because it's assumed they're "fine" in their marriage, which is sometimes not true.

Overall, having wealth always gives you choices. Re: a partner, it allows women to choose based on compatibility, shared goals, and personal preferences, rather than finances, mere survival, or a ticket out of a bad home situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m looking for a true connection - intellectual and physical. I don’t know if a rural dude or someone who never went for a theater play would be a good match to me

I tend to date university professors

Considering you just said “theater play” instead of “theater” or “play,” I think you are overestimating your degree of refinement.

[Anonymous]

If I had $5-15m in my twenties, I would look for a man who (1) adores me, (2) is a fabulous cook and his love language is cooking for me, (3) prioritizes fitness, (4) loves kids and expresses an interested in being a very involved father, (5) has high integrity, (6) comes from a good family, and (7) has some shared hobbies with me.

OP, if you are an attractive woman in your twenties with that much money, you can have anyone! So be very picky. Date as many men as you need to until you find someone that you really love and who loves you back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not one of the people replying here have 5 to 15M.

Wrong

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a high earning woman, but I didn’t have $5 million when I was young and looking for a partner to create a family with. I was still in school.

This

[Anonymous]

I would have chosen my DH. Each and every time. Money or no money. Mainly because he is a loving husband and dad, and a godly man who has done right by everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have an equally educated partner. Now? A gorgeous well dressed and mannered boy toy 10 to 15 years younger

Ha, now that I’m older, it’s this.

But assuming I’m young like the OP asked: I would ideally want a man with a high earning potential, but that will drastically limit your choices. Men with money typically aren’t the greatest husbands.

I would rather have a good guy than a rich guy, BUT I would:

1. Not let him know about the money until after engagement but before marriage. That amount of money will change how someone sees you. You want to filter out for gold diggers, but also give enough time before marriage to see if he starts trying to spend that money.

2. Prenup and that money is yours. Not to be spent on frivolous things like vacations or toys. Use it to build generational wealth for your kids.

3. Go for a solid career because you never know what will happen BUT save that money in case you want to be a SAHM later on.

4. Probably the biggest one: get premarital counseling specifically around money and finances. Finances are the #1 cause of divorce, and you want to make sure you are both on the same page about money. And if you can’t get on the same page, don’t be afraid to break it off.

Curious why you said men with money typically aren’t the greatest husbands. Can you elaborate?

I've known a lot of wealthy men and I wouldn't want to be married to most of them. Typically controlling, yell a lot, cheat, see women as conquests, etc. Once a multi-millionaire asked me on a date; when I showed up at his house, he was doing coke with a stripper. Ended up hanging out with the stripper and she said he screams at her all the time.

I know someone will say "not all men!" but in my experience of spending time with millionaires and billionaires, they just don't make good husbands. Just look at the richest men in the world - nearly all of them have multiple divorces, cheating, abuse allegations, etc.

Thank you for explaining! Do you find this to be the case for the more run-of-the-milk big law partners, finance guys, entrepreneurs too? Not just the Elon Musk billionaires of the world?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I had $5-15m in my twenties, I would look for a man who (1) adores me, (2) is a fabulous cook and his love language is cooking for me, (3) prioritizes fitness, (4) loves kids and expresses an interested in being a very involved father, (5) has high integrity, (6) comes from a good family, and (7) has some shared hobbies with me.

OP, if you are an attractive woman in your twenties with that much money, you can have anyone! So be very picky. Date as many men as you need to until you find someone that you really love and who loves you back.

What would you be picky for? Kindness? Good heart? Connection? Personality? Looks? Career potential? Income?

Especially if sometimes income/impressive career can come with negative personality traits?

How would you take into account combining finances and leaving enough for future generations?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not one of the people replying here have 5 to 15M.

This. So many of these wealth threads involve people who don't have any, pretending they do, or pretending they know what wealthy behaviors look like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I had $5-15m in my twenties, I would look for a man who (1) adores me, (2) is a fabulous cook and his love language is cooking for me, (3) prioritizes fitness, (4) loves kids and expresses an interested in being a very involved father, (5) has high integrity, (6) comes from a good family, and (7) has some shared hobbies with me.

OP, if you are an attractive woman in your twenties with that much money, you can have anyone! So be very picky. Date as many men as you need to until you find someone that you really love and who loves you back.

What would you be picky for? Kindness? Good heart? Connection? Personality? Looks? Career potential? Income?

Especially if sometimes income/impressive career can come with negative personality traits?

How would you take into account combining finances and leaving enough for future generations?

I would be picky about all of those things - kindness, integrity, personality, looks. I'd only care that his career gave him purpose and made him self-sufficeng, money wouldn't matter. A teacher or professor would be fine. I'd keep my $5-15m locked up in a trust or other entity, I'd get a prenup, and I'd deposit a certain percentage of the annual into a joint account for living expenses. My kids would be the 100% beneficiaries of my seperate money and he could keep any or all of the marital money if I did first.

[Anonymous]

Open marriage with a nice man with a respectable job (teacher, firefighter, etc) who makes for a good father. Personal trainer, martial arts instructor, pool boy, etc for fun on the side.