High earning women: what would you look for in a partner?

[Anonymous]

For women who were already wealthy (say $5-$15 million, either through inheritance or self-made), when dating, especially when young: how did you think about finding a partner?

What would your criteria for a partner be? Did you care about your partner’s earning potential? Would you have wanted to marry a high earner/someone with a similar socioeconomic status? Would you be happy with someone who is low-earning but a great person? Did you feel your wealth gave you freedom to marry a great person without having to worry at all about their earning potential?

Would you have thought about their income, and if so, how would/did you?

And, if relevant, what were your financial goals? (For example, maximize $? Be a SAHM? Work a job you love? Have a high powered career?), and how did your partner choice factor in?

[Anonymous]

Have an equally educated partner. Now? A gorgeous well dressed and mannered boy toy 10 to 15 years younger

[Anonymous]

I’m looking for a true connection - intellectual and physical. I don’t know if a rural dude or someone who never went for a theater play would be a good match to me

I tend to date university professors

[Anonymous]

Assuming all that premarital wealth is locked up prior to marriage, I wouldn't be overly concerned about a man's earning potential. I'd be stealthy about my own wealth to avoid gold diggers, though. Ideally, I'd want to marry a financial equal because marriages with large power imbalances are tough; however, one of the great things about having a lot of money is that you can afford to marry a low earner, provided, obviously, you've got your money in a trust and/or protected in a prenup.

[Anonymous]

Women care how much money a man makes. His money is her money, too.

A good man worth having does not care how much money a woman makes. He knows that her money will never be his money. Her money is her money, his money is their money.

[Anonymous]

I only care for his lifestyle being somewhat similar to mine, mainly in the hobbies and activities. He should be able to pay his way when we travel to Australia for a few weeks

[Anonymous]

Not one of the people replying here have 5 to 15M.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women care how much money a man makes. His money is her money, too.

A good man worth having does not care how much money a woman makes. He knows that her money will never be his money. Her money is her money, his money is their money.

Not when it’s in a trust,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not one of the people replying here have 5 to 15M.

😬

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have an equally educated partner. Now? A gorgeous well dressed and mannered boy toy 10 to 15 years younger

Ha, now that I’m older, it’s this.

But assuming I’m young like the OP asked: I would ideally want a man with a high earning potential, but that will drastically limit your choices. Men with money typically aren’t the greatest husbands.

I would rather have a good guy than a rich guy, BUT I would:

1. Not let him know about the money until after engagement but before marriage. That amount of money will change how someone sees you. You want to filter out for gold diggers, but also give enough time before marriage to see if he starts trying to spend that money.

2. Prenup and that money is yours. Not to be spent on frivolous things like vacations or toys. Use it to build generational wealth for your kids.

3. Go for a solid career because you never know what will happen BUT save that money in case you want to be a SAHM later on.

4. Probably the biggest one: get premarital counseling specifically around money and finances. Finances are the #1 cause of divorce, and you want to make sure you are both on the same page about money. And if you can’t get on the same page, don’t be afraid to break it off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have an equally educated partner. Now? A gorgeous well dressed and mannered boy toy 10 to 15 years younger

Ha, now that I’m older, it’s this.

But assuming I’m young like the OP asked: I would ideally want a man with a high earning potential, but that will drastically limit your choices. Men with money typically aren’t the greatest husbands.

I would rather have a good guy than a rich guy, BUT I would:

1. Not let him know about the money until after engagement but before marriage. That amount of money will change how someone sees you. You want to filter out for gold diggers, but also give enough time before marriage to see if he starts trying to spend that money.

2. Prenup and that money is yours. Not to be spent on frivolous things like vacations or toys. Use it to build generational wealth for your kids.

3. Go for a solid career because you never know what will happen BUT save that money in case you want to be a SAHM later on.

4. Probably the biggest one: get premarital counseling specifically around money and finances. Finances are the #1 cause of divorce, and you want to make sure you are both on the same page about money. And if you can’t get on the same page, don’t be afraid to break it off.

Curious why you said men with money typically aren’t the greatest husbands. Can you elaborate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have an equally educated partner. Now? A gorgeous well dressed and mannered boy toy 10 to 15 years younger

Ha, now that I’m older, it’s this.

But assuming I’m young like the OP asked: I would ideally want a man with a high earning potential, but that will drastically limit your choices. Men with money typically aren’t the greatest husbands.

I would rather have a good guy than a rich guy, BUT I would:

1. Not let him know about the money until after engagement but before marriage. That amount of money will change how someone sees you. You want to filter out for gold diggers, but also give enough time before marriage to see if he starts trying to spend that money.

2. Prenup and that money is yours. Not to be spent on frivolous things like vacations or toys. Use it to build generational wealth for your kids.

3. Go for a solid career because you never know what will happen BUT save that money in case you want to be a SAHM later on.

4. Probably the biggest one: get premarital counseling specifically around money and finances. Finances are the #1 cause of divorce, and you want to make sure you are both on the same page about money. And if you can’t get on the same page, don’t be afraid to break it off.

Also, what does it mean to you be on the same page about money? What would you want to be on the same page about?

What if the woman cares about money and a certain lifestyle and the man does not care about the lifestyle beyond financial security?

[Anonymous]

I am a high earning woman, but I didn’t have $5 million when I was young and looking for a partner to create a family with. I was still in school.

[Anonymous]

Have a friend who was in this situation. Because she never had to worry about money (and neither will her kids and likely grandkids) she prioritized finding someone who made her happy and that could handle some of the things that came with her life (fundraisers, events, snobby people)

She married a teacher. They have been happily married for almost 20 years.

[Anonymous]

A kind, trust worthy person