Do you visit the graves of your deceased loved ones? Why or why not?

[Anonymous]

When I’m in town I’ll visit my dad and brothers graves. No one else.

[Anonymous]

You do exactly what you want, OP. Please don't go just because of social pressure.

I've never visited any relative's grave because I live in the US and my closest relatives are in Europe and Asia. Every time we visit, it's usually a whirlwind tour of living relatives, and there's no time to trek to the deep countryside, several hours away from where my living relatives currently reside. However, I missed two funerals in Asia due to the pandemic, and I promised myself that the next time I'm in the region, I would visit their graves no matter what, to belatedly pay my respects.

[Anonymous]

I don’t believe they are actually there. I think we bury people for our own beliefs and for us. So, no, I do not visit on any regular basis, but I have been there occasionally because I was there for another funeral.

[Anonymous]

My parents are buried in the city I grew up in, about 400 miles away. When I visit the city about every three years or so I do go to the cemetery. I mainly do this because it was very important to my dad to visit his mother‘s grave, and while I have no illusions that he knows I’m there I feel that it’s something I can do that in a way honors him. I do not visit the graves of other relatives and have never really thought about doing so.

[Anonymous]

We're Jewish so we go every year to visit my parents on their yartziets and leave rocks. Our little kids also paint rocks to leave at the grave. When I was little we did the same for my grandfather.

My parents would say going too often isn't good for you and to focus on the living. When I do go I usually talk to them about our lives, kids and difficult things I'm navigating in life. It's "pointless" in the sense they're not literally there, but sometimes letting your feelings out into the universe can really help. I lost my best friend a year ago and visiting my Mom's grave and crying to her about it brought me a lot of closure.

[Anonymous]

No. They’re not in their graves and I’m no closer to them at the cemetery than I am anywhere else. Plus, cemeteries are depressing. I don’t want to be reminded of death.

[Anonymous]

A beloved great aunt and uncle are buried in a cemetery near our local Home Depot. Sometimes after shopping there, I'lI stop by and tell them about my latest home improvement project and everything else that's going on. Just makes me feel like they are still a part of my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope. Seems very anachronistic. Should cremate everyone

This is most natural way of burial.

[Anonymous]

I don't go there because they are there but because its the last place they went to so seems nice to drop by if I'm in their city.

[Anonymous]

Nope. As a Hindu, there is no grave. The cremated remains (ashes and whatever bones remained) was immersed in a river. The body is temporary, the soul is permanent. The body is destroyed and dispersed as million pieces of ashes so that the soul cannot follow it or remain attached to the dead body. It needs to move on.

How do we connect with our ancestors? We have a period every year where we pray for our ancestors and give them food and drink, also practice charity in their names.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. They aren’t there. I also don’t really make anything of the day they died. It is the least consequential day of their existence. I don’t keep track of how long they’ve been gone either. I remember them on their birthdays, the day they were given to the world, and how long they were here and the wonderful moments we shared.

At a certain point, highlighting birthdays seems unnecessary as well. For example, my grandmother died many years ago, but I have a cousin who goes out of her way to flag her birthday each year, sending group chat messages like, "Did you guys forget what today is?" Granny would've been 187!" "Let's all wish her a happy 187th heavenly birthday!"

Your second death is the day you are forgotten.

Once I'm dead, it doesn't matter to me but religiously if your children pray for your and give charity in your name, it makes afterlife easier for you. Even if I don't fully believe in it, I don't mind making small effort for them, just in case it doesn't help.

[Anonymous]

I’m extremely lucky in that the only close family that has passed are my grandparents. I’ve seen one grandfathers grave once, which was on a family trip to see it. He died when my mom was very young. The other 3 grandparents don’t have any graves to visit.

A childhood friend died suddenly in our early 20s and I visited his grave regularly for years. Even after I moved away, I’d stop by the cemetery when I went back to visit my parents. I’m not sure why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. They’re not in their graves and I’m no closer to them at the cemetery than I am anywhere else. Plus, cemeteries are depressing. I don’t want to be reminded of death.

Why? That's just a part of life and cemeteries aren't depressing, feelings are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope. As a Hindu, there is no grave. The cremated remains (ashes and whatever bones remained) was immersed in a river. The body is temporary, the soul is permanent. The body is destroyed and dispersed as million pieces of ashes so that the soul cannot follow it or remain attached to the dead body. It needs to move on.

How do we connect with our ancestors? We have a period every year where we pray for our ancestors and give them food and drink, also practice charity in their names.

Why give ancestors food and drink? They are dead. How is this any different the going to their grave. I guess just different ways to honor them but same sentiment.

[Anonymous]

Both cremation and traditional burial have significant, yet different, environmental impacts, making neither strictly "eco-friendly" without specific choices. Traditional burial uses extensive land, wood, metal, and concrete, while cremation consumes fossil fuels and releases air pollution. Generally, green burial or aquamation are considered the most environmentally friendly alternatives if no urn or casket is involved.