Should I Continue Babysitting My Boyfriend’s Kids?

[Anonymous]

I'd say no. I dated a guy with a daughter, and I babysat her occasionally, but it was probably once every three months at most and not overnight. Then when I lived with him for a summer I became the live-in help and felt taken advantage of. I left the relationship. Put your foot down now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long have you been dating and do you plan to marry him?

We’ve been dating 7 months, and we haven’t talked about marriage yet, I don’t know.. I’m twice divorced.

Why does that matter in this context?

It sounds like he is taking advantage of you. If I were their mom, I would be livid. Why isn't she taking care of them when he can't/won't? If he travels so much, he needs to give more custody to his ex.

She works a lot too, and he says he doesn’t want to give up his custody time.

His children are not your responsibility. He IS giving up his custody time to you.

[Anonymous]

I think he's taking advantage of you, too or at least advantage of your kindness. What's he doing on the weekends when you are with the kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long have you been dating and do you plan to marry him?

We’ve been dating 7 months, and we haven’t talked about marriage yet, I don’t know.. I’m twice divorced.

Why does that matter in this context?

It sounds like he is taking advantage of you. If I were their mom, I would be livid. Why isn't she taking care of them when he can't/won't? If he travels so much, he needs to give more custody to his ex.

She works a lot too, and he says he doesn’t want to give up his custody time.

He isn't using his custody time. There's no right of first refusal?

What's he paying you to do this?

Nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long have you been dating and do you plan to marry him?

We’ve been dating 7 months, and we haven’t talked about marriage yet, I don’t know.. I’m twice divorced.

Why does that matter in this context?

It sounds like he is taking advantage of you. If I were their mom, I would be livid. Why isn't she taking care of them when he can't/won't? If he travels so much, he needs to give more custody to his ex.

She works a lot too, and he says he doesn’t want to give up his custody time.

He isn't using his custody time. There's no right of first refusal?

What's he paying you to do this?

Nothing.

There is zero chance I'd be doing this going forward. I get that you like his kids and have a good heart, but this is bat shit crazy. Please get a backbone and start making better decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You only do it if there's a ring, OP, and they have effectively become your children.

Agree. Without more information, it appears he's taking advantage of you. It's up to you to stop it.

+1

[Anonymous]

Is he cleaning your house or something?

[Anonymous]

I’m not saying that he is taking advantage of you but he’s using you for your babysitting. He may not necessarily think it’s a bad thing but it seems to be happening often and that’s not OK.

[Anonymous]

The fact you need to crowdsource this points to the real problem, which is that you don't yourself understand when people abuse you.

Maybe you should talk to a therapist?

[Anonymous]

I'd be really surprised if Mom is okay with this situation. Kids are old enough to tell her what's happening, and personally I'd be PISSED.

[Anonymous]

You need to stop. Why are you worried about disappointing him?

It boggles my mind how men will dump childcare on new girlfriends. My kids’ school pickup line is full of girlfriends because dads can’t be bothered to actually care for their kids. I have a boyfriend and I’ve never asked him to babysit - maybe if we were married, but not while dating.

Also, what exactly is he doing on the weekends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seven months? You never should have even met these children, yet.

+1

You are not a permanent fixture in his life yet and your commitment level is low, as it should be 7 months in. You should not have met these children.

Honestly, I would break up with this man. He's showing SUCH poor judgment. Can you try and put yourself into these kids shoes? Here's this new woman that daddy loves that you love that spends so much time with you - except, oops, in three months you break up. How is that fair to them?

Or put yourself into the mom's shoes. You have children. You divorce. Now these children are being pawned off on the new girlfriend?

This man is making bad choices when it comes to his children. Not the kind of man I would want to date.

And if you do want to keep dating him, you say "Look, I wanted to help you out one time, but I'm spending so much time with the kids now that they're starting to form a bond with me, and I don't think that's fair to them. We've only been dating 7 months, who knows if we'll still be together 3 or 4 years from now? They've already had enough upheaval in their lives. I think I should take a big step back, and you should come up with other childcare arrangements. If we want to do something together maybe every couple of months, the four of us, that might be okay, but I should not become part of their week-to-week lives at this point. It's not fair to them."

And see how he reacts.

Hint: Badly = DUMP HIM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be really surprised if Mom is okay with this situation. Kids are old enough to tell her what's happening, and personally I'd be PISSED.

She sounds like she is glad to have them out of her hair. But I'd be pissed too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seven months? You never should have even met these children, yet.

+1

You are not a permanent fixture in his life yet and your commitment level is low, as it should be 7 months in. You should not have met these children.

Honestly, I would break up with this man. He's showing SUCH poor judgment. Can you try and put yourself into these kids shoes? Here's this new woman that daddy loves that you love that spends so much time with you - except, oops, in three months you break up. How is that fair to them?

Or put yourself into the mom's shoes. You have children. You divorce. Now these children are being pawned off on the new girlfriend?

This man is making bad choices when it comes to his children. Not the kind of man I would want to date.

And if you do want to keep dating him, you say "Look, I wanted to help you out one time, but I'm spending so much time with the kids now that they're starting to form a bond with me, and I don't think that's fair to them. We've only been dating 7 months, who knows if we'll still be together 3 or 4 years from now? They've already had enough upheaval in their lives. I think I should take a big step back, and you should come up with other childcare arrangements. If we want to do something together maybe every couple of months, the four of us, that might be okay, but I should not become part of their week-to-week lives at this point. It's not fair to them."

And see how he reacts.

Hint: Badly = DUMP HIM.

Ding ding ding!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long have you been dating and do you plan to marry him?

We’ve been dating 7 months, and we haven’t talked about marriage yet, I don’t know.. I’m twice divorced.

Why does that matter in this context?

It sounds like he is taking advantage of you. If I were their mom, I would be livid. Why isn't she taking care of them when he can't/won't? If he travels so much, he needs to give more custody to his ex.

She works a lot too, and he says he doesn’t want to give up his custody time.

If he's frequently not able to watch his kids, maybe he should give up some of his custody time. He's using you for free childcare and to avoid child support. Say no to the next few requests and see how he reacts. That will be telling.