Fight with husband

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We already were close yesterday morning, and he came at me again that night. I was exhausted and said, “Not tonight, tomorrow. Totally reasonable, right?

He didn’t take it well, so I called him a “entitled jerk” because seriously, I was tired. And then he lost it and called me a “stupid F’ing b**.”**

I know I teased him first, but his response was too much. I apologized to him and but he didn’t apologize to me, so I’ve stopped talking to him, left to work, and didn’t make him coffee this morning or pack his lunch.

Am I in the wrong?

You sound immature and passive aggressive anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The first poster is ridiculous.
If you say, “not tonight, tomorrow,” then that should be the end of the discussion. If he keeps bringing it up, then he is being a jerk, and you should be allowed to call him out on it without repercussions.

I mean, I would expect this from my six year old if I told him that we couldn’t get ice cream tonight, but we will tomorrow.

OP conveniently does not tell us exactly what happened between her saying “not tonight, tomorrow,” and calling him and entitled jerk. People who escalate like this usually feed each other that energy.

She said that “he didn’t take it well.”

What are you thinking happened, pp? I really can’t imagine any acceptable scenario other than him dropping it and letting her go to sleep.

I imagine he was grumbling, or maybe said something to himself. She doesn’t say exactly what he says.

But I’m saying that in a toxic relationship, which I have been in, none of these types of incidents happen in isolation. There’s a pattern and there’s stuff that happens earlier in the day and there’s a whole toxic dynamic that needs both people. From the way op describes it I think she is not disclosing the whole story.

Like this isn’t the first time she’s called him an entitled jerk and this isn’t the first time he’s called her an f-ing B and there’s still sex happening between them.

[Anonymous]

After I told him tomorrow, he kept pushing it.

I didn’t make him dinner tonight, so he’s now angry about that and not talking either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After I told him tomorrow, he kept pushing it.

I didn’t make him dinner tonight, so he’s now angry about that and not talking either.

He shouldn't have called you a b!!ch. But I do wonder why you are such a fckng b!!ch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We already were close yesterday morning, and he came at me again that night. I was exhausted and said, “Not tonight, tomorrow. Totally reasonable, right?

He didn’t take it well, so I called him a “entitled jerk” because seriously, I was tired. And then he lost it and called me a “stupid F’ing b**.”**

I know I teased him first, but his response was too much. I apologized to him and but he didn’t apologize to me, so I’ve stopped talking to him, left to work, and didn’t make him coffee this morning or pack his lunch.

Am I in the wrong?

What’s wrong with saying «  I’m tired let’s discuss tomorrow »

[Anonymous]

How long are you going to let this go on?

[Anonymous]

His name calling is inexcusable. Sorry OP. Why are you with him? Kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m confused I don’t see what OP did wrong. Also “entitled jerk” is totally different from what her DH called her. There are verbal lines that shouldn’t be crossed.

I think both of them had solid snarky comments that sound pretty spot on for the way they were behaving in that moment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After I told him tomorrow, he kept pushing it.

I didn’t make him dinner tonight, so he’s now angry about that and not talking either.

PP that thinks you are both toxic- exhibit B. You had a fight, so instead of drawing a boundary or resolving the fight and making it clear he can't use words like "f-ing B" you are being childish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How long are you going to let this go on?

It sounds like he keeps escalating things by refusing to apologize. What is she supposed to do?
Forget about it and say it’s okay to call her names? Demand an apology that he’s made pretty clear isn’t coming? Leave all together and further escalate the situation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The first poster is ridiculous.
If you say, “not tonight, tomorrow,” then that should be the end of the discussion. If he keeps bringing it up, then he is being a jerk, and you should be allowed to call him out on it without repercussions.

I mean, I would expect this from my six year old if I told him that we couldn’t get ice cream tonight, but we will tomorrow.

OP conveniently does not tell us exactly what happened between her saying “not tonight, tomorrow,” and calling him and entitled jerk. People who escalate like this usually feed each other that energy.

She said that “he didn’t take it well.”

What are you thinking happened, pp? I really can’t imagine any acceptable scenario other than him dropping it and letting her go to sleep.

I imagine he was grumbling, or maybe said something to himself. She doesn’t say exactly what he says.

But I’m saying that in a toxic relationship, which I have been in, none of these types of incidents happen in isolation. There’s a pattern and there’s stuff that happens earlier in the day and there’s a whole toxic dynamic that needs both people. From the way op describes it I think she is not disclosing the whole story.

Like this isn’t the first time she’s called him an entitled jerk and this isn’t the first time he’s called her an f-ing B and there’s still sex happening between them.

I think you are projecting a lot here.
And really, grumbling isn’t okay.

I said this earlier, but if I told my child we were getting ice cream tomorrow and he grumbled about not getting it today, I would tell him to cut it out. I would definitely expect better from a grown man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The first poster is ridiculous.
If you say, “not tonight, tomorrow,” then that should be the end of the discussion. If he keeps bringing it up, then he is being a jerk, and you should be allowed to call him out on it without repercussions.

I mean, I would expect this from my six year old if I told him that we couldn’t get ice cream tonight, but we will tomorrow.

OP conveniently does not tell us exactly what happened between her saying “not tonight, tomorrow,” and calling him and entitled jerk. People who escalate like this usually feed each other that energy.

She said that “he didn’t take it well.”

What are you thinking happened, pp? I really can’t imagine any acceptable scenario other than him dropping it and letting her go to sleep.

I imagine he was grumbling, or maybe said something to himself. She doesn’t say exactly what he says.

But I’m saying that in a toxic relationship, which I have been in, none of these types of incidents happen in isolation. There’s a pattern and there’s stuff that happens earlier in the day and there’s a whole toxic dynamic that needs both people. From the way op describes it I think she is not disclosing the whole story.

Like this isn’t the first time she’s called him an entitled jerk and this isn’t the first time he’s called her an f-ing B and there’s still sex happening between them.

I think you are projecting a lot here.
And really, grumbling isn’t okay.

I said this earlier, but if I told my child we were getting ice cream tomorrow and he grumbled about not getting it today, I would tell him to cut it out. I would definitely expect better from a grown man.

Your husband is not your child and shouldn't be treated as such. That's YOU projecting. I have read this forum for a long time and typically when a woman posts a story like OP's with this type of sudden bad behavior, no background, and a request for validation, it's because she's part of the dynamic and is looking for people to tell her how she's not. Like you can see how she feeds into the toxicity of the relationship by refusing to make him dinner instead of them having a talk about what happened last night.

It takes two to tango, and if that's projecting, I'm projecting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The first poster is ridiculous.
If you say, “not tonight, tomorrow,” then that should be the end of the discussion. If he keeps bringing it up, then he is being a jerk, and you should be allowed to call him out on it without repercussions.

I mean, I would expect this from my six year old if I told him that we couldn’t get ice cream tonight, but we will tomorrow.

OP conveniently does not tell us exactly what happened between her saying “not tonight, tomorrow,” and calling him and entitled jerk. People who escalate like this usually feed each other that energy.

She said that “he didn’t take it well.”

What are you thinking happened, pp? I really can’t imagine any acceptable scenario other than him dropping it and letting her go to sleep.

I imagine he was grumbling, or maybe said something to himself. She doesn’t say exactly what he says.

But I’m saying that in a toxic relationship, which I have been in, none of these types of incidents happen in isolation. There’s a pattern and there’s stuff that happens earlier in the day and there’s a whole toxic dynamic that needs both people. From the way op describes it I think she is not disclosing the whole story.

Like this isn’t the first time she’s called him an entitled jerk and this isn’t the first time he’s called her an f-ing B and there’s still sex happening between them.

I think you are projecting a lot here.
And really, grumbling isn’t okay.

I said this earlier, but if I told my child we were getting ice cream tomorrow and he grumbled about not getting it today, I would tell him to cut it out. I would definitely expect better from a grown man.

Your husband is not your child and shouldn't be treated as such. That's YOU projecting. I have read this forum for a long time and typically when a woman posts a story like OP's with this type of sudden bad behavior, no background, and a request for validation, it's because she's part of the dynamic and is looking for people to tell her how she's not. Like you can see how she feeds into the toxicity of the relationship by refusing to make him dinner instead of them having a talk about what happened last night.

It takes two to tango, and if that's projecting, I'm projecting.

Gurl

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The first poster is ridiculous.
If you say, “not tonight, tomorrow,” then that should be the end of the discussion. If he keeps bringing it up, then he is being a jerk, and you should be allowed to call him out on it without repercussions.

I mean, I would expect this from my six year old if I told him that we couldn’t get ice cream tonight, but we will tomorrow.

OP conveniently does not tell us exactly what happened between her saying “not tonight, tomorrow,” and calling him and entitled jerk. People who escalate like this usually feed each other that energy.

She said that “he didn’t take it well.”

What are you thinking happened, pp? I really can’t imagine any acceptable scenario other than him dropping it and letting her go to sleep.

I imagine he was grumbling, or maybe said something to himself. She doesn’t say exactly what he says.

But I’m saying that in a toxic relationship, which I have been in, none of these types of incidents happen in isolation. There’s a pattern and there’s stuff that happens earlier in the day and there’s a whole toxic dynamic that needs both people. From the way op describes it I think she is not disclosing the whole story.

Like this isn’t the first time she’s called him an entitled jerk and this isn’t the first time he’s called her an f-ing B and there’s still sex happening between them.

I think you are projecting a lot here.
And really, grumbling isn’t okay.

I said this earlier, but if I told my child we were getting ice cream tomorrow and he grumbled about not getting it today, I would tell him to cut it out. I would definitely expect better from a grown man.

Your husband is not your child and shouldn't be treated as such. That's YOU projecting. I have read this forum for a long time and typically when a woman posts a story like OP's with this type of sudden bad behavior, no background, and a request for validation, it's because she's part of the dynamic and is looking for people to tell her how she's not. Like you can see how she feeds into the toxicity of the relationship by refusing to make him dinner instead of them having a talk about what happened last night.

It takes two to tango, and if that's projecting, I'm projecting.

I didn’t say that I treat my husband like a child. I said that OP’s husband is using less of his frontal cortex than a typical six year old, and OP has every right to be upset.
I’m sure that she has her part in this dynamic, but it’s probably that she gets too upset over things like this, and then imagines that it’s all her fault.
It’s not all her fault, and she should be upset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The first poster is ridiculous.
If you say, “not tonight, tomorrow,” then that should be the end of the discussion. If he keeps bringing it up, then he is being a jerk, and you should be allowed to call him out on it without repercussions.

I mean, I would expect this from my six year old if I told him that we couldn’t get ice cream tonight, but we will tomorrow.

OP conveniently does not tell us exactly what happened between her saying “not tonight, tomorrow,” and calling him and entitled jerk. People who escalate like this usually feed each other that energy.

She said that “he didn’t take it well.”

What are you thinking happened, pp? I really can’t imagine any acceptable scenario other than him dropping it and letting her go to sleep.

I imagine he was grumbling, or maybe said something to himself. She doesn’t say exactly what he says.

But I’m saying that in a toxic relationship, which I have been in, none of these types of incidents happen in isolation. There’s a pattern and there’s stuff that happens earlier in the day and there’s a whole toxic dynamic that needs both people. From the way op describes it I think she is not disclosing the whole story.

Like this isn’t the first time she’s called him an entitled jerk and this isn’t the first time he’s called her an f-ing B and there’s still sex happening between them.

I think you are projecting a lot here.
And really, grumbling isn’t okay.

I said this earlier, but if I told my child we were getting ice cream tomorrow and he grumbled about not getting it today, I would tell him to cut it out. I would definitely expect better from a grown man.

Your husband is not your child and shouldn't be treated as such. That's YOU projecting. I have read this forum for a long time and typically when a woman posts a story like OP's with this type of sudden bad behavior, no background, and a request for validation, it's because she's part of the dynamic and is looking for people to tell her how she's not. Like you can see how she feeds into the toxicity of the relationship by refusing to make him dinner instead of them having a talk about what happened last night.

It takes two to tango, and if that's projecting, I'm projecting.

I didn’t say that I treat my husband like a child. I said that OP’s husband is using less of his frontal cortex than a typical six year old, and OP has every right to be upset.
I’m sure that she has her part in this dynamic, but it’s probably that she gets too upset over things like this, and then imagines that it’s all her fault.
It’s not all her fault, and she should be upset.

I don’t think it’s all her fault. It’s very rare that it’s “all” one person’s fault. I think she left out too much information. Like she doesn’t seem very shocked that he called her an f-ing B, and she seems to be continuing the conflict into the next day, and now he’s giving her the silent treatment, another toxic behavior on his part. But do they have an active sex life? This isn’t adding up.