Anyone here with 3+ children and both parents working full time?

[Anonymous]

You need a nanny or a very reliable grandparent.

[Anonymous]

We have 3 kids -- now 11, 9 and 7 -- and DH & I both work FT. He's a doctor (50-60 hours/week, maybe 50% shifts at the hospital & 50% more flexible research/admin partially at home/partially not) and I'm a fed lawyer (SES/manager -- 50ish hours/week, almost entirely in the office). We have an au pair, who does afternoons/evenings. We do not have local family help, but have a village of friends who can (& do) cover us in emergencies or when DH is travelling for work. I feel busy, but not overwhelmed.

[Anonymous]

Yes, both my husband and I work full time, I’m pregnant with our fifth, kids are 11, 9, 7, & 3. My job is flexibility but his isn’t, and we do have a Nanny, and my mom helps a lot, by choice, she’s amazing.

[Anonymous]

I think it can be done but not with aftercare as your only childcare.

The people I know in this situation had a nanny well into elementary.

[Anonymous]

We do. DH is a doctor, I used to practice law but now work as a Title IX investigator at a state U. Not a great salary but great benefits. Our kids are 14, 12, and 6. I did work part time (real part time-not the kind of part time where you are a lawyer working 40+ hours a week) when the older two were preschool age, but DH job was also extra demanding at that point with long hours, call, weekend work, etc.

DS (the 6 yo) was a dream baby, which helped- he slept 12-14 hours a night from 12 weeks. The catch, I guess, was that he ended up having mild CP. He was not dxed until he was 5, but we caught delays when he turned 3, and I got a crash course in special needs parenting, which is a whole new level of parenting demands. The older two were in K and 2 when he was born and I went back to work FT. A neighbor greeted them off the bus, and then in following years they did after care. They attended various school day out camps for days off school or had a neighbor babysit them. DS was in daycare from 13 weeks on.

To make it all work, I take intermittent FMLA at my job for DS appointments. My hours are not too bad- I work 8-4:30 and am home at 4:45. I have never had telework so I don't know differently. We do have the type of set up that we can WFH if we have a sick kid or a service person coming - maybe one day a month I WFH. DH started working remotely 2 years ago and works 5:30-2 or so, and is home for school bus and also for the random days off of school. He also does some of the routine appointments with dcs in the afternoons. We have a weekly cleaner.

We manage fine during the year, but summer is the stress point. Once kids are in middle school, their summer activities tend to be less than full day, so I cobble together driving help to drive my dds around to their camps, jobs, and activities. The juggling part gets harder after the day care days - the kids all have their different activities (and as they get older you can't get away with signing them all up for the same activities anymore) and half the year they have no school. But the hands on parenting (assisting with basic needs) obviously gets easier.

[Anonymous]

My parents were like this. I grew up in the 90s.

[Anonymous]

My cousin and her husband do. She's a public school teacher and when maternity leave was up the kids went to daycare.

[Anonymous]

We do! Our kids are 6, 4 and 10 months.

A few things make this work:

1) We both have flexible, family friendly jobs where we aren't required to go to the office (though we both prefer to, so we each work hybrid) and we can both leave at 5 every single day. I think there's been one day each in the last three years that we've had to stay late. We do occasionally have to do a little work after bedtime - me, maybe once a month for an hour? Him probably more like weekly for an hour. I don't think this would be doable if even one spouse worked long hours.

2) We are equal partners - we each do our half. I have my areas of responsibility around the kids and house and family, and he has his, and we each handle our own, no nagging. 50/50.

3) We give each other breaks. We try to each take one or two weekday evenings "off" from parenting and family per month, where we go out for dinner with a friend or something and don't come home until after bedtime. We also each take a chunk of time "off" each weekend, where we relax in our room with no kid duties, or do hobbies, or go out with friends. During those times, the other parent is totally in charge of everything. For example, this past Sunday, I slept until 11pm, took a long shower, and read for about an hour. Didn't so much as see the kids until noon. So restorative!

4) We sleep train right at 4 months and are aggressive about sleep issues. Our kids all sleep 11.5-12 hours a night, and the younger two nap. Non-negotiable - we need our sleep.

5) We have high standards for things that matter, like family time, family dinner, reading time, schedules for the kids, a robust social life for us and the kids, sleep, behavior. We cut corners on things that don't - sheets are washed monthly. House is cleaned monthly (though we straighten up and spot sweep nightly). Kids get baths 2x a week (and we just put them all in together, lol). We do birthday parties that can be planned in under an hour. We not traveling much at all right now (just to see family). We don't do elf on the shelf, valentines for the class, family photoshoots, Christmas cards, or anything else like that. The kids wear hand-me downs, not put together outfits. Oh, and we're also very low screen.

Happy to answer any specific questions about our lifestyle if it helps! We are happy and enjoy our kids (though also sometimes overwhelmed, especially after things like sickness or this recent snowstorm) and they are having a great childhood, IMHO. We're also done - as much as we "theoretically" would love four, it'd be too much (especially as far as 1:1 time which is already in somewhat short supply).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have 3 kids -- now 11, 9 and 7 -- and DH & I both work FT. He's a doctor (50-60 hours/week, maybe 50% shifts at the hospital & 50% more flexible research/admin partially at home/partially not) and I'm a fed lawyer (SES/manager -- 50ish hours/week, almost entirely in the office). We have an au pair, who does afternoons/evenings. We do not have local family help, but have a village of friends who can (& do) cover us in emergencies or when DH is travelling for work. I feel busy, but not overwhelmed.

well, yeah. you have kids who are in school all day, and an au pair who covers afternoons/evenings. That is a lot of coverage. You need a third adult in the house to do 3+ kids and FT working parents, particularly when they're younger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We do! Our kids are 6, 4 and 10 months.

A few things make this work:

1) We both have flexible, family friendly jobs where we aren't required to go to the office (though we both prefer to, so we each work hybrid) and we can both leave at 5 every single day. I think there's been one day each in the last three years that we've had to stay late. We do occasionally have to do a little work after bedtime - me, maybe once a month for an hour? Him probably more like weekly for an hour. I don't think this would be doable if even one spouse worked long hours.

2) We are equal partners - we each do our half. I have my areas of responsibility around the kids and house and family, and he has his, and we each handle our own, no nagging. 50/50.

3) We give each other breaks. We try to each take one or two weekday evenings "off" from parenting and family per month, where we go out for dinner with a friend or something and don't come home until after bedtime. We also each take a chunk of time "off" each weekend, where we relax in our room with no kid duties, or do hobbies, or go out with friends. During those times, the other parent is totally in charge of everything. For example, this past Sunday, I slept until 11pm, took a long shower, and read for about an hour. Didn't so much as see the kids until noon. So restorative!

4) We sleep train right at 4 months and are aggressive about sleep issues. Our kids all sleep 11.5-12 hours a night, and the younger two nap. Non-negotiable - we need our sleep.

5) We have high standards for things that matter, like family time, family dinner, reading time, schedules for the kids, a robust social life for us and the kids, sleep, behavior. We cut corners on things that don't - sheets are washed monthly. House is cleaned monthly (though we straighten up and spot sweep nightly). Kids get baths 2x a week (and we just put them all in together, lol). We do birthday parties that can be planned in under an hour. We not traveling much at all right now (just to see family). We don't do elf on the shelf, valentines for the class, family photoshoots, Christmas cards, or anything else like that. The kids wear hand-me downs, not put together outfits. Oh, and we're also very low screen.

Happy to answer any specific questions about our lifestyle if it helps! We are happy and enjoy our kids (though also sometimes overwhelmed, especially after things like sickness or this recent snowstorm) and they are having a great childhood, IMHO. We're also done - as much as we "theoretically" would love four, it'd be too much (especially as far as 1:1 time which is already in somewhat short supply).

PP to add - we have some help, but not a ton. The big kids are in aftercare until 5:15, the baby is in a nanny share that we host from 9-5 (so the nanny cannot help with household chores or laundry or the other kids or anything - it's literally just childcare for the baby for those hours), and my parents visit monthly and will take one or both big kids out for a fun activity. We do a childcare swap with a neighbor where one of them come watch the monitor after bedtime every other week so we can go out, and we do the same for them. We've gotten a sitter maybe three times since the baby was born, and don't have any sitters that can watch all three. We have a monthly cleaning lady, and monthly yard maintenance in the spring/summer/fall for our tiny front garden (we're in a row house). Otherwise, it's just us.

[Anonymous]

We have 3 kids (8 year old, 6 year old, 8 month old). My husband primarily handles the school transportation for the older two and I primarily handle taking the baby to daycare. We have to be very organized with logistics, but it does work. It helps that I have been at my job for a very long time so I have a lot of leave saved up and can easily take time off if something comes up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am considering a 3rd but we both work full time. Is it even possible? Every family I know with 3+ has one parent who stays at home or works part time.

You are considering bringing a child into the US now?

Please do not be this stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have 3 teens (5 year range from oldest to youngest) and have both always worked FT, though with relatively short commutes and generally regular hours.

This is typical among the families in our neighborhood that we know with 3+ kids.

This was me, and seeing the other discussions, I wanted to add: No au pair or nanny, just daycare/aftercare, but also we are in the city, and I had a 15 minute commute, and kids were always at schools within a 5-10 walk from each other. So we were never doing hours of driving like some people.

[Anonymous]

We have 5 all under 10 and both of us work. It works largely because I have my own business which can present challenges at times but generally gives me a lot of flexibility, and my spouse is fairly senior in her organization and is able to delegate or leave work at 5 and do additional work after the kids go down.

[Anonymous]

I know several. Probably more without a SAHM than with.