Anyone here with 3+ children and both parents working full time?

[Anonymous]

We have 3 and both work full time. 2 was logistically easier but 3 is manageable. We do have local family but rarely need to use them. We had them when we were a little older and are even further along in our careers so we can buy back some time around the house with house cleaning, yard stuff, etc.

[Anonymous]

I left my job when I had my third. We definitely could still have both of us FT but this arrangement is definitely less stressful for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know several. Probably more without a SAHM than with.

I know a lot where one parent works part time, but almost none with two parents working full time.

[Anonymous]

All 3+ kid families i know have a sahp or part time worker.

[Anonymous]

It's manageable when they are little and do daycare or school and after care. The late ES and MS years are harder with different interests and activities. Or you can do no weekday activities and spend all weekend shuffling around or do nothing then too.
We have two and WOH and manage with a grandparent driving and doing some childcare as my kids really dislike aftercare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it can be done but not with aftercare as your only childcare.

The people I know in this situation had a nanny well into elementary.

I have five kids (oldest is 8) and rely just on school, daycare (for the littles), and aftercare. We both work fairly intense jobs but have some flexibility when needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it can be done but not with aftercare as your only childcare.

The people I know in this situation had a nanny well into elementary.

I know so many families with three or more kids. All of us used aftercare as our only childcare and we all managed just fine with two full time working parents. The only caveat to this is that everyone needs summer camp for childcare until kids are old enough not to need childcare. The only person I've ever personally known with a nanny had only one kid.

[Anonymous]

Yes, my BIL and his wife are both business execs and have 3 kids, beautiful home, work out almost every day. They just have their sh- together!

[Anonymous]

The third kid seems to be the straw that breaks the camels back for a lot of families. It doesn’t seem they are ready for the reality of what the third kid entails. Either one parent quits or cuts back big time or they get a LOT more child care.

[Anonymous]

We have 3 from 16 to 1 and I'll be honest without my parents helping out it would be really tough to balance everything as two FT parents especially for emergencies. That includes the fact that my 16 year old has babysat for years, but isn't an adult and has a bunch of commitments.

[Anonymous]

It’s possible but you have to be comfortable mentally and financially with outsourcing a lot of your childcare.

Also I’d be really really aware of potential special needs. My oldest was diagnosed as being on the spectrum almost a year after my third was born, and now I think it’s possible my third child may ultimately be on the spectrum too. It’s been very hard for me to handle mentally and balance the normal logistics of three kids while carrying the load of one - and possibly two - kids with special needs.

I had a 100% remote work full time job which was the only thing making our life possible. But now it’s RTO or bust, and we’re figuring out if we can just make it work financially for me to quit (my commute is very long and I basically wouldn’t see my kids three days a week, which sounds crazy as I type it.)

You probably need to be comfortable with that though. Just recently, all three of my kids had strep. Now this week they all have to go back to the doctor, one has a specialist appointment, I have a job interview, and I’m working full time while my kids are off from school. Every week there are therapies, activities, tutors, events at school, at least one doctor or dentist appointment for someone (either planned or needed last minute), an IEP meeting, etc. frankly without a super nanny or very involved grandparents handling the day to day and some of your mental load, it would be very overwhelming.

And like I said, think hard about whether you can handle special needs. I did not heavily consider my own mental state enough in that scenario.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s possible but you have to be comfortable mentally and financially with outsourcing a lot of your childcare.

Also I’d be really really aware of potential special needs. My oldest was diagnosed as being on the spectrum almost a year after my third was born, and now I think it’s possible my third child may ultimately be on the spectrum too. It’s been very hard for me to handle mentally and balance the normal logistics of three kids while carrying the load of one - and possibly two - kids with special needs.

I had a 100% remote work full time job which was the only thing making our life possible. But now it’s RTO or bust, and we’re figuring out if we can just make it work financially for me to quit (my commute is very long and I basically wouldn’t see my kids three days a week, which sounds crazy as I type it.)

You probably need to be comfortable with that though. Just recently, all three of my kids had strep. Now this week they all have to go back to the doctor, one has a specialist appointment, I have a job interview, and I’m working full time while my kids are off from school. Every week there are therapies, activities, tutors, events at school, at least one doctor or dentist appointment for someone (either planned or needed last minute), an IEP meeting, etc. frankly without a super nanny or very involved grandparents handling the day to day and some of your mental load, it would be very overwhelming.

And like I said, think hard about whether you can handle special needs. I did not heavily consider my own mental state enough in that scenario.

Also - we have a full time babysitter and a bi weekly cleaner. Babysitter doesnt drive. They handle watching the kids at home during working hours, laundry for the kids, tidying the kids rooms and playroom, and basic meal prep for the kids (lunchboxes, washing bottles etc.) even with this, I am constantly overrun with logistics of managing schools, activities, therapies, tutors, social engagements, camps, packing for weekends away and vacations, meal planning and shopping, clothing planning, shopping, stocking and or hazing our pantry, storing/donating outgrown things, organizing cluttered closets and kids toys, making sure kids have packed backpacks, snacks, scheduling doctors appointments, bringing kids to doctors, managing prescriptions, daily homework/enrichment, after school activities, washing dishes and so on. You would really need to think hard about how the logistics would work. Maybe I need better help, but it just seems like there’s a lot of work to go around for everyone.

My husband is more focused on his job so everything related to the kids and household is basically between me and my babysitter. Maybe I need a more helpful spouse, but if you have a spouse working long hours, again, think very carefully about what help you can afford. Especially during the first year or two with a needy baby and then hazardous toddler at your feet.

[Anonymous]

Yes, 3 kids in 6 years. Both work full-time in an office. Closest family is 500+ miles away.

It's definitely possible. My kids went to daycare and lots of campus during summer and school days off until they were old enough to stay home alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it can be done but not with aftercare as your only childcare.

The people I know in this situation had a nanny well into elementary.

We did it with only aftercare during the school year. Obviously camps for summer and school holidays.

It can be done pretty easily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 3 kids -- now 11, 9 and 7 -- and DH & I both work FT. He's a doctor (50-60 hours/week, maybe 50% shifts at the hospital & 50% more flexible research/admin partially at home/partially not) and I'm a fed lawyer (SES/manager -- 50ish hours/week, almost entirely in the office). We have an au pair, who does afternoons/evenings. We do not have local family help, but have a village of friends who can (& do) cover us in emergencies or when DH is travelling for work. I feel busy, but not overwhelmed.

well, yeah. you have kids who are in school all day, and an au pair who covers afternoons/evenings. That is a lot of coverage. You need a third adult in the house to do 3+ kids and FT working parents, particularly when they're younger.

Not sure why the attitude, I didn’t claim otherwise? It’s worth noting that the set up was similar when the kids weren’t in school full time… but, yes, we’ve always had a 3rd adult.