Dating with kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG, give your children a chance to catch their breath before you throw more change into their lives. You do NOT need to introduce them now, at all. And I would say that regardless of your ex's reaction.

We have been separated for over a year and a half now and living in different homes.

A year and a half is nowhere near long enough for children to adjust. Especially if you also made them leave their home and move into a new one.

[Anonymous]

Do your kids ever come to things where your friends are? If so, something like that is probably the best low-key scenario for introductions. You don't have to specifically introduce him as your BF, just see how they interact. My daughter has met the last couple people I dated, very casually. She's an older teen, though, and her father and I split many years ago. I didn't date much until she was in middle school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you aren’t ready to handle your ex’s reaction you aren’t ready to get serious with this guy. Your ex’s reaction should be an unpleasant inevitability but one that does not impact you emotionally more than transiently.

Excellent advice!

[Anonymous]

If your first thought is to introduce someone new to your kids, pause and think about this first. Your kids just went through a big change. They need time to adjust. They need some extra TLC which means more QT with you! Don't add anything to their lives (except a new pet) until they've become adjusted to their new routine and have had time to decompress from all of the change with someone ( you ) who they're comfortable with.

I know you're eager to have stability yourself and to have a companion, but too much change too soon will inevitably blow back in your face.

[Anonymous]

What a wh*re.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been going through a contentious divorce and dating. Divorce has gone on for 3 years but is nearing a close. I have been dating someone for 1-ish years and would like to introduce him to my children when the divorce is finalized, but ex-H is very emotional and angry and I’m concerned he may punish me in some way, when I share with him I will be introducing our son and daughters to this person.

How have these conversations gone? Any advice?

Going through a divorce and introducing children to new boyfriend? Have your kids not suffered enough from your bad decisions in your love life? I’m not sure why women do this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been going through a contentious divorce and dating. Divorce has gone on for 3 years but is nearing a close. I have been dating someone for 1-ish years and would like to introduce him to my children when the divorce is finalized, but ex-H is very emotional and angry and I’m concerned he may punish me in some way, when I share with him I will be introducing our son and daughters to this person.

How have these conversations gone? Any advice?

Going through a divorce and introducing children to new boyfriend? Have your kids not suffered enough from your bad decisions in your love life? I’m not sure why women do this?

This is very much NOT women-specific. My XH introduced our kids to his AP/girlfriend before we were divorced. She moved in with him within days of the divorce being finalized. I thought it was all pretty crappy, but it's not like I could do anything about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your first thought is to introduce someone new to your kids, pause and think about this first. Your kids just went through a big change. They need time to adjust. They need some extra TLC which means more QT with you! Don't add anything to their lives (except a new pet) until they've become adjusted to their new routine and have had time to decompress from all of the change with someone ( you ) who they're comfortable with.

I know you're eager to have stability yourself and to have a companion, but too much change too soon will inevitably blow back in your face.

Better to ask "Is this person going to improve my kid's life?" Answer is usually no. "Is this person going to compete with my children for my time, attention and affection?" Answer is usually yes

I have a strong revulsion of bringing a strange man around little girls. First of all, I think they have a right to privacy from strange men in their own home. Secondly, the molestation/SA stats are not favorable.

OP why do you value yourself so little you couldnt be single for a few years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been going through a contentious divorce and dating. Divorce has gone on for 3 years but is nearing a close. I have been dating someone for 1-ish years and would like to introduce him to my children when the divorce is finalized, but ex-H is very emotional and angry and I’m concerned he may punish me in some way, when I share with him I will be introducing our son and daughters to this person.

How have these conversations gone? Any advice?

Going through a divorce and introducing children to new boyfriend? Have your kids not suffered enough from your bad decisions in your love life? I’m not sure why women do this?

This is very much NOT women-specific. My XH introduced our kids to his AP/girlfriend before we were divorced. She moved in with him within days of the divorce being finalized. I thought it was all pretty crappy, but it's not like I could do anything about it.

This is the main thing about no fault divorce that burns me. This should be illegal. Nobody should have to cohabitate with the person who broke up their parent's marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why? You’ve been having an affair?

No, I met this person 6 months after I asked for a divorce.

That's crazy. Everybody in this thread have condiments in the back of the fridge that have been expired longer than 6mo.

[Anonymous]

You can't control his reaction. If he's still hurting and isn't particularly self-aware or good at self-regulating, then he's going to be triggered no matter how you tell him. He's the protagonist of his own life and you are probably just a villain in his story at this point.

Of course, still try to do everything right on your end . . . make sure you consult best guidance on when to tell children and how to prioritize their well-being. Tell your ex before the meeting takes place and give him an opportunity to meet a person who will have access to his children. If your ex doesn't respond well, just send him an article about the best time to introduce kids and then stop responding to anything on this topic.

[Anonymous]

I’d give your kids more time to adjust. They may never want another person to join the family. Respect and honor that.

[Anonymous]

Do not introduce your children unless you are talking of marriage.

[Anonymous]

Why? Why do you need to introduce your children to him? You don’t.
Keep your love life separate at least for a year after divorce. Just selfish not to

[Anonymous]

Both men and women can be whores.
My very recent near deadbeat exh has my daughter staying over at his mistress house while I’m out of town for a few days, because he can’t stay away from the whore for more than a day.